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After Haohao proposed maintaining their friendship, the two fell into a brief silence. The quiet moment was filled with unspoken weight, as each person processed the emotional fluctuations that had emerged in their conversation.
Anthon sensed the underlying concern in Haohao's words, realizing that Haohao might be worried that he wouldn't accept this arrangement. In an effort to alleviate this worry and to mask his own sense of emptiness, Anthon decided to change the subject and quickly transition to the upcoming collaborative project.
"Well, regarding our Southern Buffet collaboration project, I've started planning some preliminary itineraries and content," Anthon said casually, trying to steer the atmosphere back to normal by focusing on work. "We can try some specialty dishes, and I have prepared some filming ideas that I believe will attract quite a few viewers."
By actively bringing up specific details about the collaboration, Anthon not only aimed to make Haohao feel that he fully accepted the proposal to maintain their friendship but also worked hard to conceal his complex emotions. He hoped that this way, Haohao wouldn't have to worry too much about his feelings, while he could temporarily forget those painful thoughts in the midst of his busy schedule.
Haohao sensed Anthon's effort to change the topic. Although he understood Anthon's intentions, he felt grateful that Anthon was considerate of his feelings. The two of them then began to discuss the details of the upcoming project more concretely, gradually steering the conversation toward a more practical and professional level. This shift, while temporarily masking the complexity of their emotions, provided them with a common direction to move forward, allowing them to maintain and develop their friendship and collaboration on a more stable foundation.
As they delved into the specifics of the "Southern Buffet" project, their conversation evolved into a more formal and concrete discussion. The atmosphere shifted from initial tension and awkwardness to a focus on professional cooperation. This transformation was like a sudden tornado; the original disputes and misunderstandings had caused intense emotional turmoil, but as both sides began to understand and communicate better, those complex feelings gradually settled down without them even realizing it.
In the end, when Haohao hung up the phone, he still felt a little uneasy and regretful, because he knew that for a period of time, their relationship might not be as easy and natural as before. However, as time passed and their collaboration deepened, Haohao believed that as long as they could continue to open their hearts, support and understand each other, their relationship would eventually improve, and perhaps even become stronger than before.
He gently put down his phone, filled with complex emotions but more so with anticipation and hope for the future. He believed that as long as they maintained honesty and transparency with each other, no problem was insurmountable. Haohao looked forward to the upcoming trip to the south, which was not just a culinary journey, but also a journey to rebuild their relationship. He believed that as they experienced more shared moments together, their friendship would be elevated to a new level.
Anthon's tears kept flowing, and he felt as if he were in a deep darkness, unable to escape the inner turmoil and pain. He tried to calm himself and sort out his thoughts, but the emotions in his heart were like a tangled mess, making it impossible for him to find a way out.
He closed his eyes, trying to resist the surge of emotions, but every time he recalled the various interactions with Haohao, every time he thought of that indescribable feeling, his heart was stabbed as if by a sharp blade. Anthon felt that he had fallen into an unprecedented abyss, as if he were on the edge of emotions, not knowing where to go.
He recalled his past conviction, the belief that he understood his own feelings clearly. But now, in this foggy night, Anthon has lost his way. He can't help but doubt his perception and self-awareness, filled with unease and confusion.
In the midst of this emotional outburst, Anthon repeatedly tells himself loudly, " Anthon! You are not gay! You are not in love with Haohao!" He tries to convince himself with these words, attempting to suppress the incomprehensible emotional turmoil. Each repetition seems to be a protest and denial of his inner self. Anthon tries to control his emotions with reason, telling himself that it's impossible to love another man, especially his partner. But there is an indescribable longing in his heart, a desire to be close to Haohao, leaving him at a loss.
He felt as if he were trapped in an inescapable maze, surrounded by confusion and pain, making him feel suffocated. Anthon knew he needed to find an exit, a way to free himself, or else he would be forever plagued by these emotions.
In this lonely late night, Anthon's heart was like a wild and desolate plain ravaged by a storm. He didn't know what his future would be like, nor did he know how to face the current difficulties. All he could do was wait, wait for time to pass, wait for inner peace, and wait for the day when he would find the answers.
When Anthon woke up, the sunlight had already filtered through the window curtains and sprinkled into the room. He felt somewhat confused, gradually realizing that it was already the next morning. He remembered crying in extreme pain and confusion last night, until his tears flowed unconsciously, and finally exhaustedly fell into a deep sleep. This sudden emotional outburst left him somewhat shocked, yet at the same time, there was an indescribable sense of relief.
As he sat up, his mind was still in a state of confusion, with numerous thoughts and last night's emotions echoing in his mind. However, amidst all these unclear thoughts, one thing became unusually clear - he had to give up the emotions for Haohao that went beyond friendship. Anthon deeply understood that if he wanted to maintain a long-lasting friendship with Haohao, he had to reject any emotional entanglement that could potentially damage this relationship.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Anthon rubbed his face vigorously, trying to wake himself up. He said to himself, "That's right! This is what I must do now." His voice was resolute, although he couldn't help feeling some reluctance and pain in his heart, but more so, there was determination and clarity for the future.
Anthon knew that this decision would not be easy. It would take great courage and perseverance to let go of the buried emotions in his heart. But he also believed that this was a way to protect their relationship and to be responsible for himself. After making this decision, Anthon felt a strange sense of tranquility - although the road ahead was unknown, he was ready to face all possibilities and maintain a sincere friendship with Haohao.
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