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墨書 Inktalez
Chapter Six
As dawn broke, I struggled to rise from my chaotic thoughts. A sleepless night had left my mind replaying every detail about "L," the past I had been completely unaware of. Now, these pieces of information lingered like ghosts in my mind, impossible to dispel.
Standing in front of the mirror, I saw my haggard reflection. Dark circles and swollen eyes were clear signs of a night without rest. Today was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, yet all I felt was an overwhelming sense of confusion and unease.
The image staring back at me was weary and worn; I could hardly recognize myself. The wedding I had once envisioned now seemed like a cruel joke. Taking a deep breath, I resolved to make a decision before he woke up—I had to confront him and determine whether we could continue together.
I quickly changed clothes and tiptoed out of the room, making my way to his place. He too had likely spent the night restless—I could sense it from our earlier conversation. He knew I would come because he understood that I couldn’t avoid this issue.
As I pushed open his door, I found him sitting on the sofa, his expression filled with worry and fatigue. Our eyes met, and the air was thick with unspoken tension.
"You’re here," he said in a low voice, tinged with anxiety.
I nodded and slowly took a seat across from him, locking my gaze onto his. "I need to know everything. I need to understand your past with 'L,' her significance in your heart, and what our future looks like."
He fell silent for a moment, seemingly contemplating how to begin. Finally, he sighed deeply and spoke slowly, "‘L’... she was my first love. We shared a deep connection. At that time, I thought we would last forever; we even made plans for the future. But then she suddenly decided to go abroad and left me."
His words were laden with profound pain, as if old wounds were being reopened. I could feel his inner turmoil and complex emotions, which made my heart ache.
"After she left, it took me a long time to move on. I thought I had let her go until I met you... My feelings for you are genuine; truly, I love you and want to spend my life with you." He looked at me earnestly, his eyes filled with regret and sorrow.
Listening to him, my heart remained unsettled. Though he professed his love for me, I knew that 'L's shadow still loomed large in his heart. I couldn't ignore this fact or deceive myself.
"What about the letter? Why did you never tell me about her existence? Why did I only find out about all this on the eve of our wedding?" My voice trembled slightly as questions swirled within me.
He lowered his head and remained silent for a moment before finally speaking, "I don't want the past to affect us... but I was wrong. I should have told you sooner; I shouldn't have hidden it. I was just afraid, afraid of losing you."
Hearing these words, the pain in my heart became even more pronounced. It turned out he had been hiding things all along, not because he had truly moved on from the past, but because he was afraid of losing me.
"I love you," he said again, his tone filled with pleading. "I am willing to let go of the past and completely sever all ties with 'L.' Please believe me and give me a chance."
His voice was so sincere, his gaze so resolute, yet my heart remained filled with doubt and unease. I didn't know if I could trust him again or if I could give us another opportunity.
I stood up and turned away, tears welling in my eyes. I knew I had to make a decision—a decision about our future.
"I've decided to cancel today's wedding," I said, forcing myself to remain calm despite the turmoil inside. "I need time, I need space to sort this all out. Perhaps in the future we can start anew, but right now, I need to be alone to think."
He didn't say anything more; he just stood there in silence, watching me walk away. I knew this decision was painful for him, and it was equally painful for me. But I had no other choice; I couldn't step into the realm of marriage under these circumstances.
As I left his place, a heavy weight settled in my heart. Although I had made this decision, my mind was still filled with anxiety and sorrow. I didn't know what the future held or if I would regret this choice.
But at least for now, I knew that I needed time to reevaluate everything.
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