Sometimes I hate you so much,
Really.
My dear, you just leave me like this, like a mother coaxing me to sleep, then quietly leave after I fall asleep. Unwilling to appear even in my dreams.
Sometimes I have to ask myself what the hell I'm doing here, but slowly this question becomes less important.
This old boudoir has never seen its owner, and I have also fantasized about some bizarre things, but they never happened.
I came to this world inexplicably, and you left inexplicably.
Do you know, besides that damn Endless corridor, sometimes I can hear the noise of children upstairs and downstairs. One day I was woken up by the sound of an electric drill. Another day, I heard some families constantly closing creaky doors. At night, maybe at night. Besides you, Yao Yao, besides you. I not only miss the good old days, but also suddenly think of many, many people from the past. That summer, I held you. Now, you are gone.
I feel the most damn haunted by why, why that monster, or should I say...
It's too funny to think about!
Why did you disappear, why. Will I ever find a logical reason in the end? It's like an illogical novel. Every time I think about it, I just wonder, why, why did you just disappear, why is it like this!
Yao Yao, Yao Yao, all the past, I'm almost forgetting. Pain disappearing or existing is not the most tormenting, the most heartbreaking thing is in this neither up nor down, pain disappearing or existing.
Healing or dying is simple, the difficult thing is to live with the injury.
I want to remember some distant good things, darling, too far away, dear, I've given up too much, forgotten too many things. Since I shattered that mirror, one day I'll stand the fallen wardrobe upright again, that broken mirror is already restored, it's like a random door or something. When I set the angle of the door, I jumped in again. What about the white mist doesn't matter because I'm hungry, because I'm so damn hungry.
It's hard, hard is that fridge still just like yesterday, but I just can't close this door. Am I stuck in reality, do I want to escape or be trapped in this mess or something else, I don't give a damn.
"What about eggs, can we negotiate on the price?"
"I just feel like it's a waste, buying meat twice and forgetting to put it in the fridge to freeze."
The words you said are floating in front of my eyes again. The remaining half piece of ginger, I asked you why you put ginger in the oil-fried wheat, and you said it's for the fragrance. You said it's for the fragrance. I don't understand. I know that everyone has their own way of cooking, and you have your own way. You are a child who can cook, you can cook!
I opened the fridge and looked at that ginger, I, I...
"It's so cold."
"What's this?"
"Ginger water."
I just steeped some ginger in hot water, and I said you were just being impulsive. In fact, after taking a sip, you didn't drink anymore and just curled up on the couch and fell asleep slowly. But today, I jumped in and that half pot of ginger water was still there, still there. I don't care whether it's really untouched or some force is maintaining its original state, I don't care, I don't care anymore!
I really hate you so much, hate you so much!
Hate it, hate it!
Did you disappear from the group photo? It feels like it. Looking at the photo, it seems like I'm all alone. Why am I smiling by myself, like I'm all alone. You, you, unbreakable, indestructible, can't die.
I, I...
Why can't I do anything, why?
"Why did you give up?"
You once asked me while holding that half-written book, "Why don't you finish writing it?"
Yes, why give up?
Why? Who has the answer?
"Why are you asking if I'm feeling sad? What kind of question is this? You... shouldn't be this foolish. But..."
But...
I just remembered when you questioned me, that kind of silence, you blinking your eyes...
So cute...
I can't blame you, how can I blame you.
My beloved, who is both impure and pure, you have gained eternal life, yet you worry about my decaying body.
I want to say that I miss you very much.
Really, really.
...
I emerged from the mirror and into the kitchen one day, and I could clearly hear my own distant panting. One day, as I tried to return from the kitchen, I hit a wall. The magic around me began to fade, and day and night gradually became clear. When I opened the refrigerator again, what met my eyes was rotting filth and swarming flies.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Knocking on the door.
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