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I Will No Longer Have Expectations of You
墨書 Inktalez
I nervously walked into the office, unable to meet the teacher's gaze.
The teacher pushed up her glasses and tossed the result sheet in front of me. "Li Shuang, what do you plan to do now?"
"With this result, you won't even qualify for a vocational school."
I clutched the hem of my shirt, lowering my head in silence.
The teacher sighed in frustration. "It's not too late to turn back; you still have a chance to get into a good school."
I remained silent for a long time, and the teacher continued to watch me without speaking.
We were both testing each other's resolve; whoever spoke first would have to concede. In the end, I couldn't withstand the teacher's authority and replied, "I understand, teacher. I will work hard."
Only after receiving my promise did the teacher let me leave. I knew she meant well, but my mind was burdened with too many thoughts. I wanted to rebel, to resist, to say no, but in the end, I had tried yet still given up. I couldn't harden my heart against those who cared for me.
Feeling restless, I returned to the classroom.
As I looked at the failing grade on the exam paper, my eyes began to blur with tears.
That bright red result sheet felt like a death sentence, weighing heavily on my chest and making it hard to breathe.
The glaring failing grade seemed like a pair of bloodshot eyes, staring directly at me.
It felt as if they were saying, "Look at you; you're nothing but a failure."
I covered my eyes, trying hard not to let the tears fall. I was afraid that if my parents found out about my results, they would make me go out to work right after graduating high school.
However, I still couldn't keep it a secret.
When I returned home, I didn't mention the exam. My mother rummaged through my backpack. By the time I came out of the bathroom, my parents were already sitting on the sofa waiting for me.
My father threw my results onto the table with an unfriendly tone, "Li Shuang, you really have some nerve hiding such a big thing from us."
My mother chimed in from the side, "Did you think that by keeping it from us, we wouldn't find out that your results were poor?"
"You are so inconsiderate!"
I lowered my head and clenched the hem of my shirt.
My father stood up impatiently, "Let me tell you, I've already asked someone to find you a job at a factory. You'll start working tomorrow."
"What’s the point of you studying so much as a girl?"
"Working early and earning some money to help with household expenses is what really matters!"
My mother patted my shoulder, "You've already made it to high school; that's good enough. Don't you think so?"
I didn't understand why they were so quick to make decisions for me.
Did they never think to ask for my opinion?
I raised my head and looked them in the eye. "But I want to study!"
"I don't want to go out and work right after graduating from high school!"
Father's expression darkened. "It’s not up to you! This is how it’s decided!"
He turned and went back into the room, leaving me and Mother staring at each other.
Mother sighed. "Why can't you be more understanding?"
"Your brother is about to start high school too, and all the money has been spent on him."
"You need to think about your brother."
I opened my mouth, wanting to say something.
But Mother had already issued her final ultimatum. "Alright, this matter is settled."
"You will report to the factory tomorrow."
"Now go back to your room and sleep."
I returned to my room in silence, and the moment I closed the door, tears streamed down my face uncontrollably.
Am I really destined to accept this fate?
Do I really have to give up on my dreams?
No, I don’t want it to be this way.
I wiped away my tears and looked up at my desk.
On the desk, the girl with a bright smile in the frame is me.
That photo was taken when I graduated from middle school.
At that time, I was still full of hope for the future.
I clenched my fists, determined.
I must, I absolutely must get into college!
The next day, I woke up early and slipped out without having breakfast.
I want to go to school no matter what my parents think; I just want to go to school. If things don’t go well, I’ll work harder. I'm only in my first year of high school; there are still two years left, and there’s still a chance.
A sudden ringing of the bell pulled me out of my memories.
I rubbed my aching forehead and sighed.
My deskmate, Zhang Qianyu, looked at me with concern. “Li Shuang, what’s wrong?”
I forced a smile, saying, "It's nothing, just didn't sleep well."
Zhang Qianyu glanced at my exam paper and gasped.
She looked at me cautiously and asked, "Li Shuang, are you okay?"
"With such a poor result, your family won't stop you from studying, right?"
I opened my mouth to respond but hesitated.
In the end, I could only shake my head bitterly. "My dad wants me to work in the factory. He actually wanted me to go today, but I got up early and he didn't catch me."
Zhang Qianyu pressed on, "That's not a solution. When you go home today, your dad will definitely hit you."
"I'm planning to bring the homeroom teacher home."
Zhang Qianyu suddenly slammed her hand on the table. "You mean..."
"Yes." Teacher Xinwen is a good teacher; she never gives up on any student. After class, I spoke to her about my thoughts, and as I expected, she agreed to help.
When I got home that evening and opened the door, my father threw a glass at me, which I narrowly dodged.
As he was about to scold me, I quickly spoke up, "The homeroom teacher is here for a home visit."
I stepped aside to reveal the teacher's figure. She smiled and greeted him, "Hello, Li Shuang. Hello, Father."
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