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墨書 Inktalez
Xu Zhiran's words not only failed to fuel the situation, but instead brought the enchanting atmosphere around to an icy point.
"Don't you remember what you said?"
I ask seriously.
That was seven years ago, on the night before Xu Zhiran went abroad, when I, who had just applied for a Ph.D., mustered up the courage to proactively approach him.
"Xu Xu, I... I want to ask you..."
"Have you... have you ever thought about marrying someone you like, and building a happy..."
Although I asked very tactfully, Xu Zhiran interrupted my words without even considering or weighing it.
"He spoke without any ambiguity, and at the same time extinguished all my expectations of him."
I reacted belatedly to Xu Zhiran's words, even my fingertips were cold. I tend to get nervous and have stomach issues easily, and Xu Zhiran knows this about me. He didn't mind and pointed towards the direction of the restroom.
It's really embarrassing. Not only did my confession fail, but I also almost showed my nervousness in front of the person I like. I ran to the restroom and locked the door. But sitting on the toilet, I didn't even take off my pants. I covered my face with my hands and couldn't help but cry.
How could I not like Xu Zhiran?
I have liked him for almost twenty years since I was young. I believe he must also like me, but he is unwilling to marry me, and even more unwilling to give me the marriage I want.
He personally locked me in the sandwich layer of the identity of childhood playmate, and the key is in Xu Zhiran's hand. If he doesn't personally open this lock, we can only be trapped in this elusive relationship forever.
I washed my face, pushed open the bathroom door, and saw Xu Zhiran pick up a lighter and light a cigarette.
"You know about my family situation. My parents divorced when I was very young, and I grew up alone. I even spent some time in an orphanage. Later, my dad, with his new wife and a younger brother similar in age to me, came to find me, wanting to take me back to live with them. At that time, my mom's mental state was not very stable, and she went completely crazy after hearing that my dad was keeping a mistress."
"When I first met Xu Zhiran, I knew he was quite a little bully in kindergarten. Later, we studied and played together, but I don't know when he developed a smoking habit. Every time he talks about those painful childhood memories, he chooses to smoke to make himself feel a little better. It's his habit."
"She later found out that my dad had an affair less than a year after marrying her and had a son around the same age as me. My mom, although a very traditional Omega, is also strong-willed and independent. She runs a breakfast shop by herself, not only taking care of cooking and looking after the children, but also managing the shop.
Xu Zhiran helplessly smiled, 'When I was young, my mom carried me in a bamboo basket, working tirelessly from dawn till dusk shortly after giving birth, but my dad, because I presented as an Alpha later, thought I was just as mediocre as him. He used the excuse of doing business to go out and used the hard-earned money my mom made to support another woman, even having a son with her. He didn't even care when I was bullied in the orphanage. Later, perhaps being bullied too harshly by the kids in the orphanage activated the potential of my S-Class Alpha. I single-handedly defeated that group of smelly kids, gaining fame. It was only after my dad found out that I was an S-Class Alpha and that the son he had outside was an Omega who couldn't give him face, that he came to find me.'"
"After you go abroad, I will also frequently help take care of Auntie for you."
I don't want to reopen old wounds, and I know that Xu Zhiran has been committed to being single from the beginning, which is no different from my younger self.
But now, neither he nor I are young anymore.
Thirty years old is considered the first watershed in life, and we are no longer young people in our early thirties.
Perhaps this is the most primitive gender inequality. It is said that Alpha at the age of forty-one is like a flower, but people say that Omega at the age of forty-one is more often described as an old spinster or bachelor who cannot get married.
"Ningning, you know I am against marriage."
Xu Zhiran He understands me so well, and tonight, I want to tell him something that no one else understands better than him.
He held my hand and wrapped me in his arms, holding me in his lap, resting his chin on my shoulder. "Can't we just live like this forever? Isn't that good enough?"
Xu Zhiran gently pinched my cheeks, just like when we were kids, and affectionately rubbed my nose. He said to me tenderly, "Give me some time. When I come back after studying abroad and have a successful career, when we have money, I will give you whatever you want."
I understand Xu Zhiran, but how long do I have to wait? Does he know what I want?
Now that I think about it, the me from back then and the current me, who is determined to have a child, are not that different from Xu Chuye.
People change. I used to not want to get married, but nothing is constant, and no one will stay in the same place forever.
Just like that one, I don't know where I threw it. The contact list only has Xu Zhiran, an Alpha's old cell phone. After I texted Xu Zhiran to explain that I wanted to marry Xu Chuye, I turned off the phone and never turned it on again.
Actually, if I'm worried about old-age care in the future, I could adopt a child. But the reason I still chose the irreversible path of marriage is because my parents' words moved me.
"Child, everyone is an individual, but no one will be forever alone as an individual."
"As parents, we only hope that there will be someone who treats you well."
Although they are all old sayings, upon careful consideration, they do make sense. Therefore, I chose Xu Chuye who can give me the marriage I desire.
I admit that I am despicable, not only wanting the best of everything, but also seeking to gain without effort.
But Xu Zhiran can never give me the marriage I want, even though he can give me the love I want.
"So now you're realizing it late, do you want to marry a divorced Omega?"
I gently pushed him aside and lay down, propping my head with my hand, and turned to look into his eyes.
"I won't even mention whether you acted impulsively. But will your traditional mother agree to you marrying me, an Omega who has been married before?"
"I have met Xu Zhiran's mother. She is anxious and depressed due to her husband's cheating, and her thoughts are extreme. When Xu Zhiran's father tried to bring Xu Zhiran to his home, she roared in court without regard for her image. It was because of this behavior that she was deemed unfit to raise a child in her current mental state, and the judge awarded custody of Xu Zhiran to his father."
I have never met Xu Zhiran's half-brother, nor have I heard Xu Zhiran mention anything about his father's life, but I imagine it's not a happy one.
"Ningning, I regret..."
Xu Zhiran grabbed my shoulder and forced me to meet his intense gaze, his tone filled with deep helplessness and regret. It was the first time I had seen such a defeated expression on Xu Zhiran's face.
"No need to regret, there's nothing to regret. I understand your experience."
The ambiguous atmosphere between us vanished in an instant, and I suppressed my heat cycle's satisfied desires, pushing Alpha's hand away and sitting up to put on my clothes. "So please understand my decision now."
I looked directly at Alpha and earnestly declined their marriage proposal.
"I'm sorry, Xu Zhiran, I am unwilling."
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