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In the prosperous era, let us celebrate together at the Ghost Festival. — The first Ghost Festival Gala is now open!
Ox Head: Honorable Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva, Ten Kings of Hell, esteemed Judges, and Ghost Messengers! Happy Ghost Festival to everyone! I am your online host, Ox Head.
Horse Noodle: Once again, it’s the annual Ghost Festival. On this joyful day of honoring the deceased, a peaceful atmosphere fills the Underworld. Thank you to all the spirits present, both new and old! I am your online host, Horse Noodle.
Ox Head: A feast and fine wine await us next year.
Horse Noodle: Where we will gather remains uncertain.
Ox Head: Greetings to all! The moon casts a pale, cold silver light, and the streets are filled with the flickering flames of paper money. The ghosts wander through the crowd, looking dispirited. A sorrowful ambiance prevails, echoing with ghostly wails.
Horse Noodle: Today, we gather as one to celebrate the grand occasion of the Ghost Festival.
Ox Head: Next, let us invite Lord Yan Wang to deliver a speech.
1. Lord Yan Wang will summarize last year's developments in the Underworld, drawing lessons from experience and presenting this year's construction results. He will emphasize the necessity of expanding the Nineteen Layers of Hell and adding the Twentieth and Twenty-First Layers. He will stress the importance of limiting the increase of excess spirits and cracking down on illegal deaths and unregistered fatalities. Furthermore, he will announce strict investigations into illegal activities that defy death. Those who can avoid entering the Eighteen Layers of Hell will be firmly sent there. A conference regarding the handling of newly arrived spirits is expected to be held in the second half of the year.
Horse Noodle: Next, let's enter the evening party and reflect on the beauty of life together!
The Underworld Performance Troupe presents "Our Underworld Is Good." This band is formed by the late members of the original human choir, known as the Eastern Red Band. The group excels in performing various choral songs, using their haunting voices and chilling tones to deliver stirring anthems. Accompanied by the harmonious beats of skull drums, they sing praises of happiness in hell and the fulfilling lives of monsters. The audience is moved to tears, exclaiming, "Finally, we have found the warmth of home!"
Next is "Model Worker — Meng Po and Her Forgetfulness Potion." She lost her husband and children, enduring the torment of longing. For over two thousand years, she has dedicated herself to developing the Forgetfulness Potion. To relieve the suffering of souls, she works tirelessly, seizing every opportunity. She experiments diligently with every ghost she encounters and even offers Forgetfulness Potion for free by the Naihe Bridge. She has devoted her entire life to this cause without a single complaint. She is a good citizen of the Underworld and a model for all souls—Aunt Meng Po.
Ox Head: Auntie, you have worked hard.
Meng Po: I serve the souls!
Ox Head: Do you have any wishes?
Meng Po: I want to create a potion that makes people forget their past lives, their current lives, and their future lives!
At this moment, Meng Po smiled with a touch of emotion, revealing the shyness that only a young girl possesses.
She was dedicated to excellence, striving to reach new heights; this was the charm of the old generation of Underworld officials.
4. "Deep-Frying." This story tells of a ghost who made a living in the frying industry. After receiving a substantial subsidy from the Underworld, he sought personal gain by secretly replacing premium peanut oil in his Frying Pan with gutter oil. He then turned Fried Ghosts into oil cakes and sold them to unsuspecting spirits. The mix-up led to the ghosts consuming these treats, which not only posed no harm but also miraculously cured various ailments they had suffered for years. They became stronger, felt more energetic, and were no longer afraid of bright lights, becoming immune to talismans! It was a tale of delicious food and invigorated spirits.
Ox Head: Next, we have an announcement:
Hell Satan sent congratulations, wishing all spirits a happy festival and continued prosperity for the Underworld.
Hell of Fire sent greetings, wishing all spirits a joyful festival filled with songs and laughter.
The base sent their best wishes, hoping for a prosperous year ahead for all souls.
5. The song "Baby's Smile." This song uses contrast to passionately celebrate the beauty of the Underworld while sternly condemning the evils of the human world. It recounts various crimes committed on Earth. Behind the song lies a tragic yet heartwarming story: a baby, still in its infancy and meant to enjoy an innocent childhood, is brutally killed by a wicked murderer. However, upon arriving in the Underworld, the baby receives abundant love and care, ultimately revealing a smile.
Horse Noodle: Now, a brief advertisement:
What are you waiting for? Welcome to Naihe Dairy (including imports). Do you want to miss next month? Do you want to be stifled in the cradle? Do you want to stay forever young and never grow old? Then please drink Naihe Milk Powder. It is sourced from the Naihe Bridge dairy farm, carefully fed with Naihe water, pure and unpolluted. Absolutely the best dairy product for youth—one cup of milk can change a generation.
7. Documentary "Underworld Train Conductor - Black and White Impermanence." The story tells of a group of train conductors who remain steadfast at their posts, never late, always considerate of others. They not only charge no fees but also provide door-to-door service, personally escorting each passenger onto the train. Since implementing real-name registration, they have never misidentified a passenger nor allowed scalpers any opportunity. Their dedication moves even the spirits. Their ordinary work continues tirelessly in every corner. They sacrifice their homes for everyone, fighting for every minute and second, working overtime without asking for extra pay. They are the most lovable spirits! This is the Underworld Express, a one-way train from the gates of hell to Naihe Bridge. Everyone is welcome to ride.
8. Dance Drama "Ghost Catching Song Dingbo." This dance drama features high-difficulty movements, blending magic and acrobatics. It tells the story of a kind-hearted ghost helping the unfortunate Song Dingbo, only to be outsmarted by him. The acrobatics expose the ugly face of humanity, revealing their malicious intent to vilify ghosts. With humorous movements, it vividly portrays Song Dingbo's ungratefulness. The performance brings to life a clever ghost battling against evil, resonating with all spirits present. The program concludes amidst thunderous applause, destined to linger in the minds of spirits for a long time!
Ox Head: Now we arrive at the moment that excites the spirits. Below, we announce the first prize.
1. First Prize: Shinzo Abe.
You will receive a grand prize sponsored by Eighteen Layers of Hell. Enjoy a free experience with various torture devices from Eighteen Layers of Hell, and obtain permanent residency in the Underworld.
Next, we have reporters conducting interviews on the streets of Eighteen Layers of Hell.
Reporter: Are you happy?
Intestine Ghost: I am happy! Life is vibrant here; I can enjoy Formalin-soaked Seafood without worry. I can also happily drink Melamine-Contaminated Milk, and indulge in those Sudan Red Eggs. Let me share a secret with you: after consuming them, not only are there no toxic side effects, but they also keep the body from decaying, leaving a pale complexion!
Reporter: Are you happy?
Stiff Ghost: Sorry, I am an atheist; I do not believe in Buddha!
Reporter: Are you happy?
Powerful Ghost: I believe in Yama, not Buddha! Only Yama can guide me on the path of Reincarnation, and only Yama can build a beautiful hell.
Horse Noodle: Let's take a moment to check on the outdoor situation.
Scene: The moon is bright but the stars are few, casting a gloomy atmosphere. Various spirits emerge from the gates of the underworld, making their way to the streets. They wave colorful flags, singing and cheering. The sounds of song and celebration rise in waves! At the graves, skeletons inhale the first whiff of fresh incense. In the wild, lonely souls collect heaps of paper money. On the streets, restless ghosts tease pet dogs and chase after them. Over here, a piece of glass shatters; over there, a child cries...
Ox Head: Look at how lively the Ghost Festival is! Now, let's return to the evening gala.
10. Song: "Six Paths." This piece features innovative instruments, skillfully combining items like a sickle and a frying pan. Based on the characteristics of leg bones, it has been arranged into a grand symphony celebrating Six Paths and Reincarnation. The song alternates between cheerful liveliness and sorrowful depth. It expresses the excitement of those being reborn while also portraying the intense and anxious struggles of entering different paths of Reincarnation. It is filled with disdain for those who fall into the animal realm and praises the dedication of the Ghost Messenger on duty. Reports indicate that the song was composed by Zhong Kui, with lyrics by Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva and conducted by Cui Judge.
Ox Head: Dear audience, this year's gala has come to an end!
Horse Noodle: A sleepless night awaits us! As joy transcends time and stirs boundless emotions, come on! Dear friends, let us raise our glasses in a toast. Tonight is filled with joy; tomorrow we will build a beautiful home together. Let us step into the finale of the gala accompanied by "Unforgettable Tonight"!
Epilogue: Chorus of "Unforgettable Tonight."
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