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墨書 Inktalez
Xinchuan's calm demeanor finally showed a crack when he heard Zhang Yunxin's name.
His eyes flickered for a moment.
Although he quickly regained his composure, that unusual reaction did not escape my notice.
Before I could speak, Xinchuan chose to play dumb. "Zhang Yunxin? I didn't even know when she returned to the country."
"Is that so?" I had no interest in indulging him in this childish game any longer and unhesitatingly called him out. "But I heard that on the day she came back, you were the one who picked her up from the airport."
"..."
Faced with my accusation, Xinchuan was momentarily speechless.
He still held the small white medicine bottle in his hand, and even he should have realized that this time, he couldn't fool me anymore.
He knew I wasn't the type to make a fuss over trivial matters.
If I hadn't already known enough, why would I go to such lengths to 'interrogate' him?
In the end, Xinchuan gave up resisting.
"I'm sorry, Anan. I shouldn't have lied to you."
"How many things are you hiding from me?" I asked him directly.
Xinchuan looked into my eyes and confessed, "I admit, I knew from the beginning that Zhang Yunxin had returned. But I went to pick her up because her team has a project collaboration with our company, not for any other reason. The reason I didn't tell you was that I was afraid you'd overthink it and get angry with me."
"Just because you're afraid I'll be angry, does that justify lying to me?"
"I'm sorry, truly sorry. I admit that I didn't handle this well, and I apologize to you."
"Is that all?" My gaze fell once again on the medicine in his hand. "Aren't you going to explain this?"
"The medicine was picked up by Zhang Yunxin for me," Xinchuan admitted without hesitation. "It's a new product developed by their team. As of now, it's safer than any sleeping pills available on the market, which is why I asked her to help me buy it."
"Safer?"
I couldn't help but let out a cold laugh upon hearing that word.
Xinchuan didn't understand why I was laughing and continued to explain, "Anan, believe me, aside from asking her to buy the medicine, there really is nothing between us. The only reason I bought this medicine was to help you sleep well. I know you've been under a lot of work pressure lately. You always stay up late and suffer from insomnia, and it pains me."
"Xinchuan, let me be honest with you. I've already taken this medicine to the hospital and consulted a doctor. The doctor told me that this is not an ordinary sleeping pill; taking too much can be fatal."
I couldn't listen to Xinchuan's excuses any longer and interrupted him directly. "At this point, there's no need for you to put on an act in front of me. I invited you out today just to have an open and honest conversation. Whether you want a divorce or have other thoughts, just say it plainly, and I can let it go."
Xinchuan's calm demeanor finally showed a crack when he heard Zhang Yunxin's name.
His eyes flickered for a moment.
Although he quickly tried to regain his composure, that unusual reaction did not escape my notice.
Before I could speak, Xinchuan chose to continue playing dumb. "Zhang Yunxin? I don't even know when she returned to the country."
"Is that so?" I had no interest in playing his childish games any longer, and I didn't hesitate to call him out. "But I heard that on the day she returned, you were the one who picked her up from the airport."
"..."
Faced with my accusation, Xinchuan was momentarily speechless.
He still held the small white pill bottle in his hand, and even he should have realized that this time, he couldn't fool me anymore.
He knew I wasn't the type to make a fuss over trivial matters.
If I didn't already know enough, why would I go to such lengths to 'interrogate' him?
In the end, Xinchuan gave up resisting.
"I'm sorry, Anan. I shouldn't have lied to you."
"How many things are you hiding from me?" I asked him directly.
Xinchuan looked into my eyes and confessed, "I admit that I knew from the beginning that Zhang Yunxin had returned. But I went to pick her up because her team has a project collaboration with our company, not for any other reason. The reason I didn't tell you was that I was afraid you'd overthink it and get angry with me."
"Just because you're afraid I'll get angry gives you the right to lie to me?"
"I'm sorry, truly sorry. I admit that this was my fault, and I apologize."
"Is that all?" My gaze fell once again on the bottle in his hand. "Aren't you going to explain this medicine?"
"The medicine was something I asked Zhang Yunxin to get for me."
Xinchuan admitted without hesitation. "It's a new product developed by their team. For now, it's safer than any sleeping pills available on the market, which is why I asked her to help me buy it."
"Safe?"
Hearing that word, I couldn't help but let out a cold laugh.
Xinchuan didn't understand why I was laughing and continued to explain, "Anan, believe me, aside from asking her to buy the medicine, there really is nothing between us. The only reason I bought this medicine was to help you sleep better. I know you've been under a lot of work pressure lately. You always stay up late and can't sleep, and it pains me."
"Xinchuan, let me be honest with you. I've already taken this medicine to the hospital and had a doctor look at it. The doctor told me this is not an ordinary sleeping pill; taking too much can be fatal."
I couldn't listen to Xinchuan's excuses any longer and interrupted him directly, "At this point, you don't need to put on an act in front of me. I asked you out today just to have an open and honest conversation. Whether you want a divorce or have other thoughts, as long as you say it plainly, I can let the past go."
"Divorce? Anan, how could you think that? How could I ever want a divorce from you?"
After so many years of marriage, we had hardly fought, and neither of us had ever mentioned divorce.
Xinchuan's emotions suddenly became quite agitated.
I didn't know if it was because I had exposed his thoughts that made him feel embarrassed and angry or for some other reason.
I pressed my lips together and stayed silent.
I had to admit that divorce was an incredibly heavy topic for me as well.
Even though I had mentally prepared myself to confront Xinchuan, when I spoke those words, I still couldn't help but feel my eyes redden.
I knew that if I continued to speak, my voice would betray my emotions, so I dared not say another word and tried to adjust my feelings.
Meanwhile, Xinchuan was still adamant: "Anan, I admit that I've lied to you about this matter. It was my fault for not considering things properly. But there must be some misunderstanding. This medicine is just an ordinary sleep aid; it's definitely not as serious as you say. If you don't believe me, we can go ask Zhang Yunxin for clarification."
"You mean to say that I should not trust the doctor but instead believe you and your long-cherished white moonlight?" I laughed again.
"What white moonlight?"
Upon hearing me refer to Zhang Yunxin in that way, Xinchuan furrowed his brows. "Anan, it's been so long. Do you still doubt my feelings for Zhang Yunxin?"
"If you weren't feeling guilty, why would you lie to me?"
"I'm just afraid you'd overthink things!"
"The facts prove that I haven't thought enough." I looked at the medicine bottle. "I truly never imagined that the person I trusted most in this world would secretly drug my water! Xinchuan, you've really surprised me!"
"What do you think of me?"
"After discovering that you've been lying to me and even hiding the fact that you drugged my water, what should I think of you?"
"It's not at all like you think! I don't know what the doctor told you when you went to the hospital, but this medicine is definitely not poison! Even if we take a step back, any medication taken in excess can pose a fatal risk. Does that mean the person giving you the medicine wants to harm you?"
"You really know how to twist concepts."
No matter what Xinchuan explained at this moment, I couldn't absorb a single word he said.
In my heart, I had already deemed him a liar full of deceit.
From the moment he decided to lie to me, he completely lost my trust.
Our argument had reached a boiling point where it could no longer be eased.
The table was filled with delicious dishes that no one had touched since they were served. The once fragrant and tempting steak had long gone cold, looking tough and unappetizing…
After a moment of calm, Xinchuan began to apologize to me again.
He said he shouldn't have lied to me, but he refused to admit that the contents of the small white vial were deadly poison.
Perhaps Xinchuan thought this time would be like the previous ones.
As long as he first lowered his head and admitted his mistake, then sweet-talked me for a bit, I would cool down and forgive him, and everything would return to normal.
But this time, no matter what he said, I could never trust him like before.
Regardless of whether there was actually something wrong with the contents of that white bottle, in my eyes it was now a lethal poison.
What truly destroyed the trust and marriage between Xinchuan and me was not that bottle, nor was it Zhang Yunxin; it was the lies that Xinchuan kept telling me.
"Let's take some time apart."
I interrupted Xinchuan's apologies.
Upon hearing this, Xinchuan's gaze deepened: "Anan, after everything I've said, you still won't believe me?"
"From the moment you decided to lie to me, you should have anticipated this outcome. It's not that I don't want to believe you; it's that you have gradually destroyed my trust in you." I didn't give Xinchuan a chance to speak again. "In any case, starting today, I will move out."
"Do we really have to do this?"
Seeing my determination, Xinchuan's delicate brows furrowed tightly as he struggled to squeeze out a hoarse voice from his throat.
Having known Xinchuan for so long, it was the first time I saw such a helpless expression on his face.
This man had always seemed capable of anything, as if nothing could ever defeat him.
Whether it was the complex academic papers during school or the challenging game quests, or even the all-nighters at work and the difficult clients after graduation...
Sometimes he would complain to me in a somewhat spoiled manner about some tricky issues, but he always found a way to resolve the problems that troubled him.
Once, he was like a superhero in a movie, saving the world in my eyes. I thought nothing could ever bring him down.
But now, I saw a look of defeat and helplessness on his face.
He seemed no longer the spirited boy who used to wave at me from the basketball court.
I didn’t want to stay here with Xinchuan any longer.
Though I was reluctant to admit it, his current state truly pained me.
I wanted to comfort him or even give him a hug, but the remaining rationality in me warned—
No matter how much you care for him, no one will care for you in return.
While I still had control over myself, I was eager to escape this place.
At least, without facing him, I could remain somewhat clear-headed.
But just as I stood up to leave, Xinchuan called out to me—
“Anan, you don’t need to move out.”
“I told you I—”
“Just stay here at home. I’ll move out.”
I thought Xinchuan still wanted to persuade me to stay, and just as I was about to retort angrily, he spoke first.
He looked up at me, his beautiful eyes unexpectedly filled with red veins: "It's not safe for you to live alone outside, and it's inconvenient. Everything you need is at home, so just stay there. Don't worry, I will stay at the company until you want to see me again. I won't come back to disturb you. If you don't believe me, you can change the password for the front door."
Xinchuan's tone was sincere, but it seemed like every word he spoke took an immense effort.
When our eyes met, my heart felt like it was being tightly gripped and crushed by an invisible hand, causing unbearable pain.
I didn't respond to him; instead, I turned and fled from the dining room without looking back.
Once in the taxi, the driver asked where I was headed.
I gave him my home address.
That night, Xinchuan indeed did not come home.
He stayed at the company and sent me a message on WeChat later that evening.
Like he usually did when on a business trip, he recorded a short video of the office environment to prove that he wasn't lying or sneaking off somewhere else.
I didn't reply to him.
Such updates had lost their meaning for me now.
Holding my laptop, I browsed search results for "divorce agreement."
I remembered reading a book by Eileen Chang when I was younger.
The book said: "Marriage is a splendid robe infested with lice."
A marriage infested with lice is better off discarded.
I decided to divorce Xinchuan.
Looking back now, it seems this might be the best outcome for us.
Having reached this point, I truly don’t know what other reasons or ways could keep this marriage going.
Although I have no idea if Xinchuan will agree to my request for a divorce.
After all, he has always been a person who is very strict with himself, never allowing any blemish to appear on his character.
And divorce would undoubtedly be a huge stain in his life that he could never erase.
Perhaps that’s why he would rather manipulate things behind the scenes than directly propose a divorce.
As I pondered how to write the divorce agreement, I couldn’t help but replay our conversation from earlier today with Xinchuan in my mind.
I felt that something still seemed off about it all.
Before I left the restaurant, Xinchuan’s last expression—haggard and powerless—was etched in my mind, refusing to fade away.
I wondered, if he truly didn’t care about me or this marriage, why did he look that way?
Reflecting on everything that had happened throughout the day, I recalled the chat records I had seen on Zhang Yunxin’s phone.
Those few short messages couldn’t possibly prove that there was anything inappropriate between Xinchuan and Zhang Yunxin.
But if there was truly no rekindled romance between them, then what reason would Xinchuan have to harm me?
At that moment, all my assumptions suddenly crumbled and became unfounded.
But it was also a fact that Xinchuan kept lying to me.
Aside from Zhang Yunxin's return to the country, what other reasons could explain his lies and odd behavior?
Could it really be that he lied simply because he was afraid I would overthink things?
No.
It wasn't like that.
I wasn't a jealous person. Throughout our years of marriage, there had never been much suspicion between Xinchuan and me.
If he truly had a clear conscience, he could have been open with me instead of being evasive.
What was he trying to hide by speaking to me this way, time and again? "Anan, how could you think that? How could I possibly divorce you?"
After so many years of marriage, we had hardly ever fought, and neither of us had ever mentioned divorce.
Xinchuan's emotions suddenly became somewhat agitated.
I couldn't tell if it was because I had exposed his thoughts, making him feel embarrassed and angry, or for some other reason.
I pressed my lips together and remained silent.
I had to admit that the topic of divorce was incredibly heavy for me as well.
Even though I had mentally prepared myself before confronting Xinchuan, when I finally spoke those words, I couldn't help but feel my eyes welling up with tears.
I knew that if I continued to speak, my voice would betray my emotions, so I dared not say another word and tried my best to compose myself.
Xinchuan was still swearing earnestly, "Anan, I admit I lied to you about this. I didn't think it through, and I was wrong. But there must be some misunderstanding. This medicine is just an ordinary sleep aid; it's definitely not as serious as you say. If you don't believe me, we can go ask Zhang Yunxin to clarify."
"You mean I should trust you and your infatuation with your white moonlight instead of the doctor?" I laughed again.
"What white moonlight?"
Hearing me refer to Zhang Yunxin that way, Xinchuan frowned deeply. "Anan, it's been so long. Do you still doubt my feelings for Zhang Yunxin?"
"If you weren't feeling guilty, why would you lie to deceive me?"
"I was just afraid you'd overthink things!"
"The facts prove that I haven't thought enough." I looked at the pill bottle. "I truly never imagined that the person I trusted most in this world would secretly drug my water! Xinchuan, you've really opened my eyes!"
"What do you think of me?"
"After discovering that you've been lying to me all along and even hiding the fact that you've drugged my water, what should I think of you?"
"The situation is not at all what you think! I don't know what the doctor told you when you went to the hospital, but this medicine is definitely not poison! Even if we take a step back, any medication taken in excess can pose a lethal risk; does that mean the person who gave you the medicine wants to harm you?"
"You really know how to twist concepts."
No matter what Xinchuan explained now, I couldn't absorb a single word he said.
In my heart, I had already branded him a liar.
From the moment he decided to lie to me, he had completely lost my trust.
Our argument had reached a boiling point where it could no longer be softened.
The table was filled with delicious dishes, yet no one had touched a single item. The once fragrant steak had long since cooled, appearing tough and unappetizing, making it impossible to muster any appetite.
After a moment of calm, Xinchuan began to apologize to me again.
He said he shouldn’t have lied, but he refused to admit that the contents of the small white bottle were deadly poison.
Perhaps Xinchuan thought this time would be like the last.
As long as he lowered his head and admitted his mistake, and sweet-talked me a bit, I would cool down and forgive him, and everything would return to normal.
However, this time, no matter what he said, I could never trust him as I had before.
Regardless of whether there was actually something wrong with the contents of that white bottle, in my eyes, it was enough to be considered lethal poison.
What truly destroyed the trust and marriage between Xinchuan and me was not that bottle, nor was it Zhang Yunxin; it was the series of lies that spilled from Xinchuan's lips.
"Let’s take some time apart."
I interrupted Xinchuan's apologies.
Upon hearing this, Xinchuan's gaze deepened: "Anan, after everything I've said, you still won’t believe me?"
"From the moment you decided to lie to me, you should have anticipated this outcome. It’s not that I don’t want to believe you; it’s that you’ve gradually destroyed my trust in you." I didn’t give Xinchuan a chance to respond. "In any case, starting today, I will move out."
"Does it have to be this way?"
Seeing my determination, Xinchuan's delicate brows furrowed tightly as he struggled to push out a hoarse voice from his throat.
Having known Xinchuan for so long, this was the first time I saw such a helpless expression on his face.
This man used to always appear invincible, as if nothing could ever challenge him.
Whether it was the complex academic papers during school or the difficult game quests, or even the all-nighters at work and the demanding clients after graduation...
Sometimes he would complain to me in a somewhat spoiled manner about tricky situations, but he would always find a way to resolve the issues that troubled him.
In my heart, he once resembled a superhero from a movie, saving the world. I thought there was nothing that could bring him down.
Yet now, I saw a look of defeat and exhaustion on his face.
He seemed no longer like the spirited young man I loved, who would wave to me from the basketball court.
I didn’t want to stay here with Xinchuan any longer.
Though I was reluctant to admit it, his current state truly pained me.
I wanted to comfort him or even hug him, but the remaining rationality within me warned—
No matter how much you care for him, no one will care for you in return.
As long as my reason could still keep me in check, I was eager to escape this place.
At least without facing him, I could remain somewhat clear-headed.
But just as I stood up to leave, Xinchuan called out to me—
"Anan, you don’t have to move out."
"I told you, I..."
"Stay at home, I'll move out."
I thought Xinchuan would try to persuade me to stay, and just as I was about to retort angrily, he spoke first.
He looked up at me, his beautiful eyes now filled with red veins: "It's not safe for you to live outside alone, and it's inconvenient. Everything you need is at home; just stay there. Don't worry, I will stay at the company until you want to see me again. I won't come back to disturb you. If you don't believe me, you can change the password for the front door."
Xinchuan's tone was sincere, but it seemed like every word he spoke took an immense effort.
When our eyes met, my heart felt as if it were being tightly gripped and crushed by an invisible hand, causing unbearable pain.
I didn't respond to him. Instead, I turned and fled from the dining room without looking back.
Once in the taxi, the driver asked where I wanted to go.
I gave him my home address.
That night, Xinchuan indeed did not come home.
He stayed at the company and sent me a message on WeChat later that evening.
Like he usually did while on business trips, he sent a short video showing the environment at the company, proving that he wasn't lying or sneaking off somewhere else.
I didn't reply.
Such updates had lost their meaning for me now.
I hugged my laptop, browsing search results for "divorce agreement."
I remembered reading a book by Eileen Chang when I was younger.
The book said: "Marriage is a magnificent robe adorned with lice."
A marriage infested with lice is better off without it.
I have decided to divorce Xinchuan.
Looking back now, this may be the best outcome for us.
Having come this far, I truly don't know what other reasons or ways could keep this marriage going.
Although I am unsure whether Xinchuan will agree to my request for a divorce.
After all, he has always been a person who is very strict with himself, never allowing any blemish to appear on his character.
And divorce, without a doubt, would be a huge stain in his life that he could never erase.
Perhaps it is precisely because of this that he would rather manipulate things behind the scenes than directly propose a divorce.
As I pondered how to write the divorce agreement, I found myself unconsciously recalling our conversation from earlier today.
I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.
Before leaving the restaurant, Xinchuan's last expression—haggard and powerless—was etched in my mind, impossible to forget.
I wondered, if he truly no longer cared about me or this marriage, why did he wear such an expression?
Reflecting on everything that had happened throughout the day, I recalled the chat history I had seen on Zhang Yunxin's phone.
Those few short messages could hardly prove that there was anything inappropriate between Xinchuan and Zhang Yunxin.
But if there was truly no rekindled romance between them, then what reason would Xinchuan have to harm me?
All the conjectures were suddenly overturned at this moment; they were simply unfounded.
However, it was also a fact that Xinchuan repeatedly lied to me.
Aside from Zhang Yunxin's return to the country, what other reason could explain his lies and strange behavior?
Could it be that he lied simply because he was afraid I would overthink things?
No.
It wasn't like that.
I am not a jealous person. Throughout our years of marriage, there has never been so much suspicion between Xinchuan and me.
If he truly had a clear conscience, he could have been open and honest with me instead of being evasive.
What exactly is he trying to conceal by speaking to me this way, time and again?
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