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A kiss landed on his neck. "Like this?"
"Feng Ning." He grasped one of her hands.
She continued to smile, "What is it?"
Jiang Wen lowered his head, mimicking her earlier gesture, his lips brushing against her ear. "If you keep kissing me, I might lose control and do something to you."
Chapter 45
From a distance, in the Jian Tang, Xiao Xi, and Tongtong leaned over the counter, whispering to each other. "Is that really Ning Ning's boyfriend?"
Tongtong pondered for a moment. "Well, it can't be her little brother." Just then, she pointed excitedly. "Look over there! They're kissing! Wow."
...
...
After a brief silence, Feng Ning suddenly chuckled. "Oh? What do you want to do to me?"
Her gaze dropped a few inches, one hand pretending to reach down. Jiang Wen's expression froze as he awkwardly blocked her.
Feng Ning leisurely teased him, "What's wrong? Are you reacting?"
"You..." Jiang Wen's face displayed a myriad of emotions; he blushed and stammered, taking a deep breath. "Are you still a girl?"
Feng Ning pinched his cheek. "You little rascal, is that all you've learned from others—making suggestive remarks?"
"I'm not a little rascal." Jiang Wen repeated firmly. "Don't treat me like a child; I'm a..." He hesitated, looking away. "...a man."
Feng Ning stood up from him, stroking her chin as she examined the slender boy before her.
Jiang Wen felt a slight emptiness in her arms, a hint of disappointment washing over her. Her fingers curled slightly, as if she wanted to pull her back.
Feng Ning laughed and said, "A man? With that youthful face of yours, I always feel like I'm trying to abduct a minor."
Jiang Wen replied with a dry throat, "Did you not abduct me?"
Feng Ning sighed a bit helplessly, "Clearly, it was you who fell for me at first sight. How did it turn into me abducting you?"
"......."
As the workday came to an end, Feng Ning told Jiang Wen to wait for a moment. As soon as she entered the changing room, she was surrounded by people. Two girls followed her all the way to the locker room.
Watching Feng Ning change clothes, Xiao Xi leaned against the doorframe and asked, "Ningzi, where did you find such a handsome guy?"
She mumbled vaguely, "Picked him up on a rainy day."
Xiao Xi expressed both envy and concern, "You need to be careful. Good-looking guys are often fickle; you never know when you'll end up with a green hat on your head."
Feng Ning closed the locker door and took her keys, silently chuckling to herself.
...
With two beeps, the pink-and-white Electric Scooter unlocked. Feng Ning called out to Jiang Wen, "Come over! Can you ride?"
Jiang Wen shook her head.
"Then I'll give you a ride."
Seeing her hesitate, Feng Ning tilted her head and urged, "Hurry up and get on."
Once the person behind her settled in, she placed her feet on the pedals and zoomed off with a whoosh. "Let's go!"
The summer night breeze felt refreshing against her skin. Feng Ning said, "How come you can't even ride an electric bike? Can you ride a bicycle?"
"I can't."
"Your brain hasn't developed well, huh?"
Feng Ning smiled lightly, casually explaining, "You'll have to take a car back to school later. I need to go home, wash up, and sleep. I have an early shift tomorrow. As for you, with your studies being so intense, don't come looking for me all the time. Don't overthink things at school, got it?"
While waiting at the traffic light, Feng Ning turned her head casually. She had always been good at reading people's expressions, and with just a glance, she noticed someone looking downcast. She asked, "What's wrong? Are you unhappy?"
After a moment's delay, Jiang Wen's voice was barely audible. "Do you really like me? You don't want to see me at all."
Unlike him, who thought of her whenever he had a moment to spare.
Even when he was busy, she occupied his thoughts.
Feng Ning sighed inwardly. "So am I supposed to pretend to like you? This is a special time; you're busy and I'm busy too."
Jiang Wen remained expressionless. "I think it's because... that..."
Before he could finish, Feng Ning interjected for him: "Because you were there for me when I..." She subconsciously resisted mentioning Qilan, pausing for a few seconds before continuing, "When something happened, and then I softened up and agreed to be with you?"
Even though she was thinking about it, Jiang Wen still felt a bit gloomy from her words.
"I'm quite shallow when it comes to feelings too; I simply couldn't resist your face. My heart fluttered."
Feng Ning's voice floated over with the wind, sounding somewhat unserious. "And besides, it's the twenty-first century! Do you really think anyone would sacrifice themselves out of gratitude? This isn't a TV drama."
Jiang Wen suddenly recalled Zhao Binlin's earlier unreliable advice: "Just go all out and use your charm to win Feng Ning over. I refuse to believe there's a woman in this world who can resist your looks; that's just impossible, man."
There's an old saying in China: beauty fades and love wanes. He asked anxiously, "So what if I eventually become ugly? Will you stop liking me then?"
"Are you thinking that far ahead?"
Feng Ning said this instinctively, and after a long pause without hearing a response, she guessed he was upset again. This person was truly a combination of being petty and jealous. Right in front of them was Rain River Alley. Feng Ning parked the car to the side and said, "Get out, esteemed Lord Jiang."
Once Jiang Wen got out of the car, she crouched down to lock her Electric Scooter.
The moonlight was hazy as they stood by the roadside. Feng Ning pulled Jiang Wen's neck down and kissed him lightly on the brow, then touched her forehead to his. "Alright, you behave now, don’t make me worry."
She watched him get back into the car.
Feng Ning turned and walked into the courtyard. It was pitch black around her, and her expression gradually faded away.
After locking the door behind her, she took a shower and climbed into bed. A bedside lamp cast a dim light; Feng Ning curled up under the covers, watching the dreamcatcher sway on the window.
Even though she was utterly exhausted, sleep eluded her at night. Breathing in the scent of her mother's clothes, Feng Ning lay in bed with her hand over her heart, curling up tightly. She waited through the hours, eyes wide open until dawn.
*
The cicadas buzzed incessantly in the summer heat as days slipped by like flowing water. Zhao Huiyun used her connections to introduce several job opportunities to Feng Ning. She worked from morning till night without stopping, pushing herself to exhaustion.
One evening after work, she ran into Shuang Yao who was returning home to grab something. Shuang Yao paused for a moment, taking in Feng Ning's appearance. "Ning Ning, what’s wrong? You look quite worn out."
Feng Ning remained noncommittal.
"Are you doing okay lately? If anything's bothering you, just tell me."
Feng Ning thought for a moment and smiled at her. "I'm doing alright, getting by."
What could possibly be so difficult to get through?
In the six months since Qilan's passing, she had begun to suffer from frequent insomnia. Every time she fell asleep at night, she would dream of her mother and wake up startled from those dreams, only to find tears streaming down her face.
Life is an indescribable tragedy. The deep-seated pain may gradually fade at times, lying dormant in the wounds, only to resurface when the night grows quiet. She might have overestimated herself.
Feng Ning is not a superhero; she is not omnipotent.
Yet, when a new day arrives and she faces the myriad aspects of life again, no one has the right to feel despondent. During the day, when dealing with guests, Feng Ning mobilizes all her energy to engage with them normally, laughing and chatting without a hint of neglect.
It feels as if she has been split into two people.
The person in front of others and the person behind closed doors. Gradually, all of Feng Ning's enthusiasm and happiness would abruptly cease when she was alone.
Her body felt empty, as if life were a movie, and when the director called "cut," all expressions, words, and actions faded in an instant.
One day, Feng Ning suddenly realized something was off. She felt uneasy; she despised her gloomy and fragile side. She tried hard to regulate her emotions, but the things she could think about and perceive were uncontrollably dwindling.
April, May, June—like an arrow released from its bow, it swiftly passed through the last remnants of a high school student's academic journey.
Feng Ning was busier than ever, yet every day she would spend a few minutes on the phone with Jiang Wen. Occasionally in the afternoons, she would find time to visit him at school. When his classes ended, she would stroll near the honor roll. Jiang Wen performed exceptionally well, consistently holding the top position.
She had little time to spare and could only walk with him on the playground. Perhaps due to exhaustion from work, Feng Ning began to speak less and less.
When they were together, Jiang Wen became the talkative one. Most of the time, she listened, occasionally teasing him like before.
Jiang Wen had a bad habit—he liked to make Feng Ning hand over her phone so he could thoroughly check it.
Since Feng Ning often ignored his calls, Jiang Wen needed to confirm whether he was the only one receiving such treatment.
Checking up on her was essential. After reviewing call logs, he would also check who she had been chatting with on WeChat recently.
Feng Ning was sucking on a lollipop when she glanced at him and mumbled, "Don't you think you resemble an older housewife? Always worried that your husband might cheat."
Jiang Wen pretended not to hear and continued checking her phone.
The intense college entrance examination came to an end on an ordinary sunny day. With the arrival of summer vacation, Hunan TV began re-airing My Fair Princess.
During a farewell dinner, Feng Ning was also present. Zhao Binlin and Xi Gaoyuan were there too, and she drank quite a bit at the table.
Zhao Binlin could hold his liquor, but he couldn't keep up with Feng Ning. With a slurred tongue, he said to Jiang Wen, "Brother, I wish you both a hundred years of happiness. I'm looking forward to drinking your wedding wine."
Young people always think time moves slowly, that the moment before them can stretch into eternity. Feng Ning raised her glass, saying, "The college entrance exam is finally over. Cheers to your escape from the sea of suffering." With that, she tilted her head back and downed her drink.
"Drink less," Jiang Wen said as he held her hand.
The meal was lively, and by the end, several boys were swaying unsteadily. Jiang Wen, who hadn’t touched any alcohol, took it upon himself to escort the drunken ones home.
One by one, they left. After seeing everyone off, Jiang Wen returned to the table. Feng Ning was slumped over; her face was pale, eyes tightly shut, and her lips pressed together firmly. He gently touched her ear and called out, "Feng Ning?"
It seemed she didn’t hear him.
So Jiang Wen leaned down slightly and called again; still no response. He assumed she had drunk too much and fallen asleep. The bright lights illuminated her features as he squatted beside her to get a better look.
Her eyelashes fluttered slightly, and Feng Ning furrowed her brow even tighter. She opened her eyes a bit and saw Jiang Wen. There was a hint of confusion in her gaze as she stared for two seconds before finally speaking: "Oh... you're here. Let's go."
Jiang Wen looked at her intently and wiped away the faint traces of tears from the corners of her eyes with his finger. "Did you just fall asleep?"
"I wasn't asleep; I was just a bit tired and dozed off for a moment." She rubbed her reddened eyes and stood up.
The place where they had eaten was near Rain River Alley, so they strolled back together. At the intersection, where cars rushed by in a blur, Jiang Wen hesitated before speaking: "Have you been feeling very stressed lately?"
Feng Ning's eyelids flickered as she joked with him as usual, "When have I not been stressed?"
Jiang Wen didn’t know how to respond. "I feel like you haven't been very happy."
"Happy? I don't know how to be happy. There are too many people to deal with every day, and I'm a bit tired."
Feng Ning's expression was the same as usual, carefree as if she were joking.
After saying that, she continued walking forward as if nothing had happened.
But in that moment, Jiang Wen had a strange illusion.
What Feng Ning said was true.
*
At Jiangpi's shopping mall, a large sales event had been held, and recently the foot traffic had surged. The salesgirls were all dressed appropriately, greeting customers with the most standard smiles. The sky had darkened completely, and the store had undergone new renovations.
The front desk manager proactively approached and took the bags from several ladies' hands, leading them to sit on the sofas in the central area.
The store was air-conditioned, and Shi Zhimei, feeling tired from shopping, rubbed her legs and said, "The score line will be out in a few days, right? How did Xiao Wen do?"
Yin Yan glanced at Jiang Wen. "It should be okay. Is Xiao Rou going to Central Academy of Fine Arts?"
Pei Shurou smiled and replied, "Yes, maybe we'll end up in the same city as Jiang Wen. By the way, Auntie, you should check out this store's new arrivals later. A classmate recommended it to me; they said it's pretty good."
A staff member knelt gently on the plush carpet with a tray and placed water cups in front of them one by one.
Fu was a high-end brand from Japan, and this kneeling service was quite common. Yin Yan chatted and laughed with those around her, ignoring the person kneeling beside them.
Jiang Wen had been talking to Pei Shurou when the staff member handed him a cup of water. He took it and instinctively said thank you. After taking a sip, he looked up and suddenly recognized her face. Jiang Wen choked and coughed violently. Shocked, he immediately stood up from the sofa.
Yin Yan turned her head, puzzled. "What are you doing? You're making such a fuss."
Feng Ning had applied a mature makeup look for work. The last time Yin Yan had seen her was two years ago, so she had no recollection of her.
The manager standing nearby noticed something was off and scolded, "Xiao Ning, how are you doing your job?"
Jiang Wen hadn’t expected to meet her in such a setting; he pulled her up.
Feng Ning showed no signs of awkwardness, treating him like a complete stranger, polite yet slightly apologetic. "Sorry, I hope I didn’t burn you," she said as she stood up.
After observing for a while, Yin Yan sensed something was amiss and furrowed her brow. "What’s going on, Xiao Wen? Do you know her?"
Everyone turned to Jiang Wen, seemingly waiting for his answer.
"She is my..."
Before he could finish, Feng Ning interjected, "Hello, Auntie. I’m his former classmate."
Jiang Wen wanted to say something but hesitated, moving his lips without speaking.
Yin Yan looked surprised. "Classmate? What brings you here?"
Pei Shurou set down her cup and stood up as well, her tone warm. "Feng Ning, it’s been a while since I last saw you. Did you come here to work after dropping out?"
"Dropped out?" Shi Zhimei raised an eyebrow.
Feng Ning nodded with a smile, still standing there. "My family had some issues, so I took a year off."
"This is chrysanthemum tea; it clears heat and detoxifies. You all should try it. If you need anything else, just call me," Feng Ning said, saying no more as she hugged the tray to her chest and slightly bowed to the group.
Watching her leave, Jiang Wen felt momentarily blank and lifted his foot to chase after her. Pei Shurou instinctively grabbed his arm.
Jiang Yuyun seemed lost in thought as she flipped through a magazine and coughed lightly. "Xiao Wen, sit down and don't be rude."
The mall was set to close around nine-thirty. Feng Ning finished her tasks and waited for the store to stop operating before heading to the changing room to check her phone.
Jiang Wen had sent a WeChat message an hour ago: "I’m waiting for you by the fountain at the entrance."
She quickly changed her clothes, gathered her things, and headed to the Fountain Pool.
The lights and music at the Fountain Pool were still on. Feng Ning approached, lightly kicking his shoe with her toes.
Jiang Wen glanced at her from the side. He had been sitting there for quite a while, his delicate skin marked with several large mosquito bites on his neck.
Feng Ning stood in front of him. "What are you doing here?"
He replied softly, "Just enjoying the breeze."
Feng Ning took out some floral water from her bag, applied it to her fingers, and dabbed it on the swollen spots on his skin. "Are you sulking?"
Jiang Wen pulled her hand away. "Why didn’t you just say I’m your girlfriend earlier?"
Feng Ning replied calmly, "In that situation, do you think it was appropriate? Besides, at our age, there will be many uncertainties in the future. You don’t need to tell your family so soon."
She had been working from morning till night today and had spoken too much; her voice was already hoarse. "This will only lead to unnecessary trouble."
Jiang Wen looked at her. "If there’s trouble, we’ll solve it. And my mom will eventually find out anyway."
"Let’s talk about future matters when they come up. Why are you overthinking?" Feng Ning said. "There are too many variables in the future; I prefer to live in the moment."
Jiang Wen resisted this notion. "So you haven’t thought about our future at all?"
"What is there to think about? Breaking up?"
"I never thought about breaking up while being with you."
Feng Ning didn't respond, her eyes filled with fatigue. She said, "I don't know what will happen in the future."
She placed her hand on his shoulder, patted it lightly, and spoke softly, "Don't think too much about it."
Jiang Wen suddenly felt a wave of disappointment and helplessness wash over him.
*
The college entrance examination results were out, and a red banner was hung at the entrance of Qide High School, with Jiang Wen's name printed on it—Nancheng City’s top scorer.
As everyone expected, his scores were enough to get him into the best university in the capital. As September approached, Feng Ning saw Jiang Wen off. At the Starbucks under the airport terminal, Feng Ning gave him a hug.
After starting university, Jiang Wen frequently texted her and called as well. Feng Ning had returned to school too; she needed a source of income, so she didn’t quit her evening job. She attended classes during the day and worked at night. She checked her phone less often and replied to messages sporadically.
One Saturday afternoon, half-awake, Feng Ning received a video call from Jiang Wen.
"Why are you sleeping at this hour?"
Feng Ning groggily got out of bed, her hair a mess. Confused and dazed, she noticed the sunlight peeking through the curtains and realized it wasn’t nighttime. "Oh, I’m just a bit tired."
Feng Ning looked unwell, her energy low. Jiang Wen didn’t notice and continued talking to himself. "You haven’t replied to my messages for two days."
"Really?"
"Why?"
Feng Ning shifted slightly and rubbed her forehead. "I've been a bit busy lately."
Jiang Wen felt a twinge of discomfort. "You always say that. We barely talk twice a week. What exactly are you busy with?"
Feng Ning sat quietly, lost in thought.
"I don't like long-distance relationships."
In less than two months of college, he had brought it up more than once. Jiang Wen's reckless attitude was becoming unbearable for Feng Ning. "So what do you want? Should I come back and repeat a year with you?"
"If we continue like this..."
Moving to the windowsill, Feng Ning stared at her wrist for a long while. "Jiang Wen, please don’t think that way. It’s foolish. I don’t need anyone’s company, and I don’t want to be responsible for your future."
"It’s just one university. Do you really think that can decide my life?"
"It may not decide yours, but it can decide mine."
They could hardly have a proper conversation without ending up in an argument; this had become their recent norm. The last discussion had turned into a fight over which university Feng Ning would apply to next year, and this time it was about whether Jiang Wen should repeat a year.
The conversation came to an abrupt halt, and they parted ways unhappily.
After the noise faded, there was an endless silence.
Feng Ning habitually fell into silence, dazed, feeling a heaviness in her chest as if she couldn’t breathe. She opened the drawer of her bedside table and took out a pillbox. She poured out a few pills and swallowed them whole.
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