“Xinran, I don't know what this is all about between you two, and I don't really care. I just want to tell you that if you feel unhappy, if you want to start a new relationship, my arms are always open for you; it’s just up to you whether you want to come over.” In Xinran's small apartment, Zhan Rilang held Xinran's hands and sighed sincerely.
His heart was never rough, especially when it came to Xinran; he always cared deeply. Yesterday, when they went to the airport, she had been in a state of high tension. He could see that she was avoiding someone, or perhaps many people, and he knew exactly who that person or those people were.
Because he cared so much about Xinran's happiness, even though he liked her a lot, he didn't want to force her. Moreover, she had admitted to him that she was already married; how could he have the chance to take her away? But now, with the conflicts between them and the possibility of separation, it seemed he should no longer suppress his feelings. He was sure he could give her happiness, and the person who didn’t cherish her was precisely the one he valued most. This time, he wouldn’t let go; he had already wasted too much!
“Rilang, thank you for your unconditional support, but…”
“I know, you still need time!” Zhan Rilang spread his hands and said understandingly. “I’ve stocked the fridge with food for you; remember to eat. Don’t starve yourself. I have to rush back to Japan and can’t stay with you for now. Take care of yourself and don’t make me worry, okay?”
“Rilang, actually I'm fine. You don’t need to worry too much; I feel bad for delaying your work.”
“Silly girl, it’s my honor to delay things for you!” Zhan Rilang took one of Xinran's hands and gently kissed the back of it.
Xinran allowed Zhan Rilang's kiss without pulling her hand back. She knew she could never repay him for his feelings in this lifetime. If she continued to avoid this kind of innocent intimacy, it would only hurt him more!
“I’ll be leaving now. After having a cup of warm milk, get some sleep. I think you must be tired.” As he reached the door, Zhan Rilang turned back reluctantly to remind Xinran.
“I understand. Be careful on your way.”
After seeing Zhan Rilang off, Xinran slowly walked back to the living room and lay back on the sofa, staring blankly at the ceiling. She was very tired but couldn’t fall asleep; her mind was racing with thoughts that she couldn’t seem to stop.
Sometimes she wondered why some people could effortlessly accommodate many personal feelings while she could not. Was it because her understanding was too shallow? A domineering Mu Shaosi had already exhausted her, and if she were to let another person reside in her heart, she doubted whether she could bear it.
Having fallen in love with Mu Shaosi, she wished to love simply and straightforwardly. But why did all she faced were repeated deceptions? Regardless of the essence of the deceit, she hated being tricked and manipulated, so she told herself that no matter how much she loved him, she could not stay by his side.
However, when she truly left and found that he was no longer around, she felt unaccustomed to it and began to be tormented by longing. She had thought that this time he would send someone to intercept her at the airport to prevent her from leaving. But after boarding smoothly, she started to wonder if he no longer cared about her, if he would no longer bother to watch over her. A voice in her heart kept telling her that Mu Shaosi had grown tired of her. The thought that this might become a reality made her feel a faint pain in her heart—she would no longer hold any place in his heart.
Xinran sat up, tilting her head towards the window, gazing at the sky outside. A helpless smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. Usually, she believed she understood herself well and could manage her emotions, but at this moment, she couldn't even determine what she truly wanted or how she felt.
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