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墨書 Inktalez
A sleepless night.
She got up early, finished her grooming, and since today was a day off with no classes, she suddenly found herself with free time but nothing to do.
She lit some sandalwood incense and began to write and paint. As she danced the brush across the paper, time slipped away without a trace.
She smiled lightly; on the rice paper lay a drooping willow branch and a small boat. Where would the boat drift? Would it go upstream or downstream?
Everyone was moving forward, yet she had not let go. Suddenly, she realized that she had been avoiding things rather than finding peace as she thought.
"What are you doing?" Yeh Zhenzhen suddenly appeared from behind, startling her. She turned around to see Yeh Zhenzhen's beaming smile and replied with a smile, "Painting."
"Oh." Yeh Zhenzhen responded. Ever since her bold confession that day, Xiao Zuowei seemed to be avoiding her, which left her feeling quite frustrated. Seeing Cheng Mo painting sparked her interest again. "Mo Su, your painting is so good! Brother Zuowei must like girls who can paint. Teach me!"
Cheng Mo paused slightly. "I can teach you, but liking someone shouldn't have anything to do with whether or not you can paint." She looked at Yeh Zhenzhen quietly. "Zhenzhen, do you understand what true liking is?"
True liking? Yeh Zhenzhen shook her head and laughed. "It should be similar to liking ice cream or pizza, right?"
Cheng Mo smiled helplessly. A cold gaze suddenly appeared in her mind, threatening to swallow the awareness she had just managed to regain. She quickly put down her brush, casually threw on a coat, pondered for a moment, and ultimately decided, "I'm going out for a bit."
"But it's getting dark. Is it okay for you to go alone?" Yeh Zhenzhen asked in confusion.
Cheng Mo lightly shook her head, a faint smile on her lips. She remembered chasing butterflies and the wind with Xiao Zuowei during their childhood among blooming flowers; the weather was clear and beautiful, their little hands clasped together as if they held the entire world. She also remembered how she could see his gentle smile mixed with the warmth of sunlight as soon as she opened the door.
Time stood still; the beauty of the past reminded her of her current sorrow. She hoped to be a clear person who wouldn’t resist her inner voice and wouldn’t fear temporary pain. If she regarded Xiao Zuowei as just an older brother, then she should treat him as such—no more ambiguity and no seeking emotional support from him for what she lacked. Only by not losing herself could she hold onto happiness.
Time was already getting late; the light began to blur and fade.
She tightened her thin shawl against the various strange looks around her and walked firmly toward her heart's direction.
The library doors were wide open as she stepped inside. Everyone around was dressed in suits and dresses, while she wore a fitted Qipao, looking out of place. Xiao Zuowei turned around, backlit by the light; his smile was sad yet tender as he walked toward her from a distance that was neither too close nor too far. He softly asked, "Looking for me?"
"Mm." Cheng Mo nodded. Since that day, the two had not seen much of each other, and suddenly meeting each other's gaze felt somewhat unfamiliar.
He handed her a book, speaking gently, "Since you're here, you might as well take a look. This is by your favorite author..."
"Brother Zuo Wei, I came specifically to find you. There are some things I want to discuss with you." She lowered her eyes, her gaze rippling like water. "Do you have time now?"
After a brief silence, his voice, warm and smooth like jade, finally replied, "Yes."
She smiled lightly. "I think Yeh Zhenzhen is a good person. Although she sometimes speaks a bit exaggeratedly, she cares about you..."
"No need for that." He abruptly interrupted her, revealing a rare expression of loneliness. "Xiao Su, my father wrote to me; my mother has passed away."
Her pupils tightened. The Madam Xiao in her memories was gentle and beautiful; how could it suddenly...
"The one she worried about the most was not anyone else but me. I have reached the age to start a family, and my mother introduced me to many young ladies during her lifetime, but I never took them to heart. You know who my heart belongs to."
The delicate tips of her brows trembled slightly as she raised her eyes, her fingertips intertwining nervously.
"Xiao Su, I am stubborn." His faint laughter filled the air. She rubbed her forehead, knowing that Brother Zuo Wei would not compete for anything; he would only quietly stand behind her. He could even give up everything for her—something no one else could do.
If she were rational enough, she would know what to do. But...
Her gaze drifted into the distance as if caught in some kind of entanglement. "I once read in a novel that a woman’s final choice may not be the one she loves the most but must be the best for her. But I can't do that; I'm sorry, Brother Zuo Wei."
He smiled lightly, the limited time sketching multiple facets of his being.
After a moment of silence, his voice was softer yet more determined than before. "Xiao Su, you really don't need to worry about me. I told you, if one day you feel tired, just turn around..."
"No." Cheng Mo shook her head, her bright eyes softly looking at him. "You and I are like siblings; I will only see you as an older brother. Don't cling to the past; let go and choose what suits you better. Isn't that alright?"
He quietly turned his head, a gentle force knocking at his heart, a bitter smile on his face. "You came here just to tell me that you've always regarded me as an older brother, hoping I would give up on my feelings, right?"
Cheng Mosu said nothing more, his soft gaze lowered to the ground. He felt a pang in his chest and turned away. "Xiao Su, how can you ask me to do something you can't even do yourself?"
She was taken aback; indeed, she couldn't forget Shaoyi and had no way to choose someone more suitable for her.
"Fine, you made it clear, I understand." Xiao Zuowei no longer looked at her, his tone cold and resolute in a way she had never felt throughout her life.
She bit her lip, stubbornly widening her eyes to prevent tears from spilling over. Yet he no longer looked at her, his voice drifting from afar. "It's too late. I'll take you home; I acknowledge your feelings."
Cheng Mosu turned and walked away, his figure beside her straight and determined.
If their relationship was ultimately just one of estrangement and indifference, then why be so clear-headed and persistent?
The two walked silently together, her heart still heavy like a stone. She looked up at the sky, vast and high; regardless of identity or background, wealth or power, everyone lived under the same sky, and that was unchangeable.
Suddenly he stopped in his tracks, and she froze as well.
Without a word, he pulled her into his embrace. Her nose tinged with bitterness; in that moment, she felt like a defeated soldier desperately needing this warm embrace. She closed her eyes as the moonlight bathed the two of them in each other's arms. From any angle, they appeared to be an enviable couple; only they knew that everything would be different from now on.
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