After my divorce from my husband, we continued to live together to minimize the harm to our children. This arrangement lasted for four years, until one day he brought a young girl home.
This girl was truly beautiful, with expressive eyes, a petite mouth, and a small face that looked completely harmless. She seemed a bit shy when she saw me.
My ex-husband handed her a glass of water, and then they went into the innermost room.
Since the divorce, I had been living with our two sons in a spacious forty-square-meter apartment, while my ex-husband, Li Kai, stayed in a small ten-square-meter room at the back.
The girl obediently followed him into the room, and Li Kai's intentions were clear.
I sat in the living room feeling suffocated, only able to hear their voices coming from inside.
"Who is that lady outside?"
"She's the nanny!"
I endured the discomfort and returned to my own room, feeling even more stifled.
I divorced Li Kai four years ago. After the divorce, we split the house equally. Our children were still young at that time; the older one was only three years old and the younger one was just one.
To prevent our two sons from being hurt, I accepted Li Kai's proposal of "Divorce Without Leaving Home."
So we continued to live as a family of four under one roof.
Over the years, Li Kai has adjusted his work situation; he used to be away on business trips for more than half a month, making him hard to reach.
He changed jobs, reducing the number of business trips and allowing him more time to spend with our child and me.
The elders in the family have been advising me, hoping that Li Kai and I could remarry, but I never expected him to bring home such a young girl.
For the sake of the child, I thought to myself.
For these years, I have stayed at home taking care of the child for this reason.
I have no personal life or job, taking on some small part-time work, while most of the household expenses are covered by Li Kai.
I gathered my emotions and walked into the kitchen. I had bought some vegetables in the afternoon but hadn't washed them yet.
In the kitchen, there is a small mirror, very tiny, placed there by my younger son, Li Ze.
He likes to look at himself in that little mirror every morning before leaving for school, smiling at himself before heading out.
As I was picking vegetables, I looked up and caught sight of that small mirror.
How long has it been since I took the time to properly arrange my makeup in front of a mirror?
Once upon a time, I was such a proud white-collar worker.
In the mirror, my complexion was sallow, my skin sagging, and my once bright eyes had lost their luster due to long-term hard work.
After giving birth to two sons, I rarely exercised, and my middle-aged body had slightly gained weight, losing any attraction I once had for the opposite sex.
What should I do if Li Kai remarries?
The children must be taken care of; they are still young.
I stood there in a daze, my gaze unfocused, as water flowed out of the kitchen faucet.
"Do you need help?" It was Li Kai's voice. I snapped back to reality and noticed he looked vibrant and energetic, like a young man just over thirty.
It's true that women age easily; I've lost my glow now that I stay at home all the time.
"Is someone gone?" I asked cautiously, but Li Kai did not answer me directly.
"Just a friend," he said as he washed a tomato for himself.
"What kind of friend?" I pressed on. I dislike guessing; overthinking drives me to despair.
Li Kai seemed to be in a great mood. He then changed the subject, saying that he could add a chicken leg for dinner tonight.
He had been promoted again and wanted to celebrate with the kids.
I didn't know where the chicken legs came from at home. Li Kai transferred some money to me and asked me to go buy them.
If I have to go buy them, then so be it. He's really gotten used to ordering me around.
I glared at him in anger, but he just smiled and pushed me out the door. I put on my mask, grabbed my phone, and headed out.
Li Kai has always been generous to the three of us, never cutting back on grocery money or living expenses.
I quickly walked to the nearest market and ran into the girl who had just come to our house. She was holding a takeout box of lobster and happened to bump into me. "Auntie, are you here to buy groceries? I'm Wang Mei. Li Kai is having lobster at my place tonight, so you should buy less for dinner."
What did she just call me?
I stood at the entrance of the market, feeling dizzy, and tears unexpectedly welled up in my eyes.
I'm only thirty-five, yet I've become an "auntie" in the eyes of a girl in her twenties?
I felt a rush of anger and bitterness in my mouth.
For the sake of my child, I lost my job and my life, ultimately becoming a "nanny auntie" in someone else's eyes.
I can't go on like this.
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