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Youth Extinguished
墨書 Inktalez
1.
Warm sunlight filtered through layers of thick clouds, casting a glow on the girl's face as she proudly walked down the street, always attracting glances from boys who turned to steal a look. "So beautiful!" "Is he dreaming of a frog eating swan meat?" they teased among themselves. Unable to have her, they at least wanted to indulge in their fantasies. With her natural beauty, she either captivated boys' hearts or drew envy from girls. Her innate looks made her feel proud. As time passed, she squandered her youth, the sea and sky blending together, slowly dissipating into the vast haze.
Turning into an intersection, a hand grabbed her. "Here, this is for you. Do you like it?" a boy said as he leaned in close, trying to please her. "I don't want it," she replied, shoving the hairpin back at him and turning away. The boy stood there in disappointment, watching her retreating figure. The youthful days were bright yet naive, drifting toward a misty future. As she poured out her youth, the bustling world around her drowned out the setting sun, mingling bitterness with pain. At that moment, her heart was filled with longing as she walked forward...
2.
The small southern town of Xin'an was her hometown, where the cries of a newborn announced the arrival of new life. With big watery eyes and a round chubby face, she was instantly lovable. Now, she seemed to bloom like a vibrant peony. The days of youth carried dreams as time gently opened the curtain; she stepped over the threshold of home and tossed her backpack onto the bed. She scrutinized her face in the mirror at her desk, feeling a bit smug.
"Juan'er, remember to do your homework when you get back," her mother called out from the other room.
"I know," Liu Juan replied dismissively as she retrieved her backpack from the bed and brought it to the desk. She pulled out her books but found no interest in studying. The saying goes, "There are treasures in books; there are beauties within," but now that she was in high school, she felt no motivation for learning. Perhaps in front of her parents, she still appeared to be that obedient girl, but the rebellious thoughts of youth led her toward an uncertain future.
"Put some effort into your studies; don't grow up to be just an ordinary worker like us," her mother began again as she entered the room.
"Mom, I know! You keep nagging; studying won't magically make things better," Liu Juan retorted.
"Fine if you don't want to study; just marry someone without ambition and see how you fare," her mother shot back.
"Why are we talking about marriage? This is about the kids!" came a mumble from her father.
"We could just not talk about it! You could at least hold some position at work!"
"A person without education is lucky just to get by."
With a loud bang, Liu Juan slammed the door shut, and any trace of pride vanished instantly as she stared blankly at her open book. As the difficulty of cultural knowledge increased, she felt somewhat overwhelmed. She struggled to memorize ancient poems and understand classical texts. Picking up her pen, she copied down verses that still eluded her understanding: "Chilling Cicadas against Changting Evening; after a sudden rain... After all these years, it should be good times and beautiful scenery wasted." She understood the last line and felt herself blush slightly.
"Auntie, is Liu Juan here?"
"Yes, she's inside; go find her."
A girl with long braids walked into the room and pulled Liu Juan aside. "Why are you studying so hard?"
"Hey! No matter how hard I try, I can't compare to you," Liu Juan replied helplessly. They each envied one another—she thought her friend was prettier while her friend believed Liu Juan was much better at studying. The pangs of adolescence lingered lightly in their hearts, filling them with unspoken feelings. They played together and chatted happily while holding hands as they strolled down the street, freely commenting on strangers.
"Look at that person; they're so fat."
"Yeah! They must eat a lot."
"She looks really ugly."
"Keep your voice down; don't let her hear you," Zi Mo whispered.
"I wonder if someone ugly will ever find love when they grow up?" Liu Juan murmured.
"You’re beautiful; why worry about others?" For the first time being complimented by a friend made Liu Juan feel pleasantly surprised and happy inside.
"I'm just curious," she said happily.
"Different strokes for different folks."
"Who do you like in class?" Liu Juan asked mysteriously, catching Zi Mo off guard.
"No one."
"No one? Really?" She reached out to tickle Zi Mo's armpit.
"Hey, stop it! No means no," Zi Mo pleaded, laughing.
Love was shrouded in a hazy mist, and the innocent girl naturally did not understand it, keeping her feelings hidden deep within, pure and untouchable. Rumors of romance occasionally circulated in the class, each wave of gossip serving as a spice of life that excited everyone. Some even hid in a corner during breaks, hugging and kissing. Liu Juan shyly shared this moment with her best friend for the first time, while Zi Mo blushed and stammered, unable to form a complete sentence. When she bashfully showed Zi Mo the note she received, her pride was hard to express. "I like you; will you be my girlfriend?" Zi Mo stole a glance and hurriedly returned it to her.
"Then who do you like?"
"I don't like anyone."
"Oh," Zi Mo replied faintly, feeling a bit disappointed but also envious of her.
His appearance shattered Liu Juan's tranquil days. When he stepped onto the podium to introduce himself that day, her heart raced, and her breath quickened. Every word turned into sweet nothings that floated into her ears, as if he were smiling just for her...
"Liu Juan, pay attention," the teacher said sternly as he walked over to her.
And he looked at her too; that gaze deeply captivated her face.
When Liu Juan entered his world, she was swept away by a carefree lifestyle and became his companion. They played together, made noise together, and hung out in the boys' circle.
"Come on, give her a kiss!" the boys shouted playfully.
Without hesitation, he took her first kiss so quickly that she had no time to react. Yet she didn't seem angry. Young love is innocent; amidst confusion, they experienced sweet affection. Through the brilliant sunlight, she became enchanted by his handsome profile.
"Wow!" the friends cheered excitedly as if watching a show. She blushed and hurriedly pulled away. The dining table was in disarray as night fell, and everyone dispersed. He gave her a playful kiss goodbye at her doorstep.
He sent her off with a warm flying kiss and left, leaving the girl who had just tasted love with only thoughts of him—Duan Hongfei. He came from an official family but was neglected and indulged in pleasure. His rebellious nature often led him astray from maturity. A relationship became the lubricant of life, making it no longer dull and monotonous. Lost in time, the sweet forbidden fruit could not resist temptation; Liu Juan heard the terrifying news from the doctor: "Your daughter is pregnant." The strange looks made her feel utterly ashamed. When her mother dragged her to Duan's house, it further crushed her self-esteem.
"You didn't take care of your child; she's been a disgrace since childhood."
"Your daughter isn't any good either; what are we going to do?"
"Get rid of the baby; we'll cover the costs," a cold voice said firmly without room for rebuttal.
"My child! You poor thing!" Her mother collapsed on the living room floor, crying loudly, while Liu Juan could no longer bear this humiliation and stormed out.
When Liu Juan walked out of the hospital, she also left the campus; she had withdrawn from school. And he quietly exited her life as well, like fireworks that fade away in an instant. When she nervously came to find him, his gloomy face was extremely cold. "We're done, don't come looking for me again." "But, but..." "What we had was just a fling; you shouldn't take it too seriously." With that, he slammed the door shut. A door, a world, and she no longer had the right to walk through that door. The love of youth was like a flower bud ready to bloom, wilting away as time passed. There must have been a moment when he truly loved her; when he heard her crying outside the door, his heart seemed to be tightly pulled by something. "Don't see her again; focus on your studies. There will be good girls for you to choose from in the future." "If you go looking for her again, I'll break your legs." His mother's stern words shattered his will. He yielded; he chose his mother's arrangement and discarded her.
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