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墨書 Inktalez
"Now the question arises," He Zhou said. "Since I am so incredibly handsome, why would I claim to be ordinary and plain?"
He took the opportunity to grab a bottle of water from the table, twisted off the cap, and took a sip while surveying the audience, who were nearly laughing uncontrollably. He feigned a look of nostalgia. "The reason is quite simple; when I was young and naive, even someone as handsome as me did some pretty silly things."
The audience, who had been laughing, suddenly straightened up. If he was going to share this, then they were all ears. Listening to someone else's embarrassing past is undoubtedly a form of entertainment.
He Zhou pondered for a moment and said, "I remember during school breaks when there was nothing to do and I was tired of all the games..."
"Aren't you saying you didn't go to school until you were fifteen?" a member of the audience shouted, cupping their hands around their mouth.
"Hey! Everyone listen up!" He Zhou playfully scolded. "One time, the class monitor suggested we have a competition to see who could fit their head into a desk. Without much thought, everyone agreed."
"Guess what happened next?"
"I was quite determined at the time and managed to get my head in!" But then came the problem: I couldn't pull it out..."
The audience, both those present and those just joining the live stream, erupted into laughter.
"How could you not pull it out?!"
"Please, I'm begging you! You're not ordinary or plain; you're just a total goofball!"
"He Zhou, I'll give you fifty cents to leave this stage. Don't tell anyone we know each other; I can't afford to lose face like this!"
"Where was I? Right, about getting stuck with my head in the desk."
He Zhou chuckled twice, and the story continued, "There was no way out; my classmates had to help me ask the teacher for assistance.
When the teacher arrived, he was also at a loss and could only smile wryly, saying to call my dad.
My dad came strolling in confidently on his bike.
Upon seeing me, he pulled out his belt, his eyes wide open like light bulbs.
Fortunately, the teacher stopped him; otherwise, you might not have seen me today!
"That's what you get!"
The audience couldn't help but laugh bitterly in unison.
Such a mischievous kid needed proper education to understand what paternal love is like... a landslide!
Naturally, my dad couldn't think of a good solution either and said he would take me to the hospital for help.
However, before we could leave the school gate, we were stopped by a teacher from the reception office who said that the desk was public property and had to be removed before we could go to the hospital!
My dad thought to himself, if we could remove it, why would we even go to the hospital?
With that, He Zhou shrugged his shoulders and said, "In the end, we had no choice but to pay a deposit before they let us leave."
"Nowadays doctors are complicated with patients; when we were kids, doctors just messed with us. They wanted to amputate from my neck."
As he spoke, he reached up to touch his neck, looking as if he was still haunted by the memory.
Everyone burst into laughter; while there are stories of amputating limbs or even a fifth limb, no one had ever heard of amputating directly from the neck.
Was this amputation or execution?
"My dad was not happy at all and angrily said that in our new China, beheading had long been abolished. After saying that, he dragged me away as if fleeing..."
"Hahaha, what a pair of funny father and son!"
"Don't interrupt; listen carefully; I want to hear how it got resolved..."
He Zhou changed his tone and looked dejected: "After leaving the hospital, we encountered new troubles. We couldn't take the bus home."
"There was no other choice; I had to walk home with a desk on my head."
"The rate of turning back is one hundred percent, but I don't know what kind of soldier I am..."
"Pfft! Hahaha!"
"That's hilarious! You don't even know what kind of soldier you are; you're just a clown of the second battalion!"
"I've already become a Muggle. Is this Stand-Up Comedy or a solo performance?"
"But to be fair, it's quite interesting..."
"We have a neighbor who's a carpenter, a really enthusiastic guy," He Zhou waved his hand and continued, "The first time he saw me looking like this, his eyes lit up like a cat spotting a mouse. He came over with a chainsaw and said he wanted to cut the table."
"My mom naturally defended me fiercely. It's too dangerous! What if I get hurt?"
"At the very least, ruining my stunningly handsome face would be a huge loss in the history of human evolution!"
"Now that's confidence..."
"You call that confidence? Sorry, that's just shamelessness!"
"I have never seen such a brazen person!"
He Zhou ignored the teasing remarks, hands tucked into his sleeves. "My dad disagreed too."
"But unlike my mom, who thinks from a safety perspective, he actually couldn't bear to do it."
"Don't get me wrong; he couldn't bear to part with the table because the school was holding onto the deposit. My dad held the carpenter down, trying to calm him while saying that having a table is pretty good; it's convenient for doing homework."
"Can you guess what happened next?"
He Zhou built suspense without giving everyone much time to think, raising three fingers. "I balanced the table on my head for three whole days and nights, eating, drinking, and sleeping while balancing it. I paraded around town like that. In the end, I lost some weight before finally managing to get it off."
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