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A Inch of Longing, An Inch of Ashes
墨書 Inktalez
The night was deepening, and the candlelight flickered softly under the eaves. Su Wan'er leaned against the embroidered couch, her hands trembling slightly from the coolness of the night as she worked on her embroidery, the plum blossoms taking on a crooked shape.
She quietly gazed out at an old plum tree in the courtyard, a gentle breeze causing its petals to drift down onto her skirt.
Her hair was elegantly pinned up, and her jade pendant swayed lightly. Her features were delicate and serene.
Li Lingfeng pushed the door open, his dark cloak deepened by the night’s shadows.
He removed the iron fan from his waist and placed it on the table before walking over to Su Wan'er, who was leaning on the couch.
“Su Wan'er, it’s late. Why aren’t you resting?” His voice was low and gentle, yet carried a hint of barely perceptible fatigue.
Su Wan'er set down her embroidery and smiled slightly. “My husband returns late; how could I dare to rest first? The wind is strong tonight; you should put on an extra layer.”
Li Lingfeng sat beside her, covering her slender hand with his warm palm, bringing warmth to her cold skin.
He looked at her, his usual calm demeanor softened by a touch of tenderness.
“Su Wan'er,” he called her name softly. His lips moved as if he wanted to say something but hesitated.
Su Wan'er raised her eyes, sensing something unusual about her husband today but pretending not to notice. She gently asked, “Is there something on your mind, Li Lingfeng?”
Li Lingfeng’s fingers unconsciously traced over her knuckles. After a moment of silence, he replied, “Su Wan'er, you need not worry about household matters. It’s just that recently there have been whispers in the manor that trouble my heart.”
Su Wan'er lowered her eyelashes and sighed softly. “I am aware of what is being said outside; it’s merely that our family has been without children for many years, and they fear our lineage may end.”
Before she finished speaking, Li Lingfeng frowned slightly, his voice dropping lower. “Nonsense! There’s no need to pay them any mind.”
“But I ultimately…” Su Wan’er’s fingertips lightly brushed over the embroidery cloth as she spoke softly, “I ultimately feel I have let you down.”
Li Lingfeng suddenly tightened his grip on her hand until his knuckles turned pale, a flash of pain crossing his eyes. “Su Wan'er, don’t say such things. You are my rightful wife and my lifelong companion. What others say has nothing to do with us. Don’t let it weigh on your heart.”
Su Wan'er only chuckled lightly, but a faint worry flickered in her eyes. "Li Lingfeng, you have endured much since childhood to reach this point. Now, with only the two of us left in the Li residence and no children to carry on the family name, how will others view you? How will the servants respect you? Do you truly not care about this?"
Li Lingfeng remained silent, his gaze drifting to the plum tree outside the window.
He was usually calm and fearless, unafraid of military strategy or swordplay, yet in front of this woman, he felt utterly powerless.
After a long pause, he finally spoke softly, "I only care about you."
The night breeze slipped through the window, carrying a slight chill.
Inside the room, the only sound was their breathing.
Seeing a moment of hesitation in Li Lingfeng, Su Wan'er knew he did care.
She gently withdrew her hand and poured him a cup of warm tea from the silver pot on the table.
"It’s chilly tonight; drink some hot tea. I know my clumsy husband’s thoughts. You have been mistreated since childhood and are most concerned about how others perceive you. Recently, matchmakers have been inquiring at the Li residence, hoping you will take a concubine to continue the line. Li Lingfeng, have you ever entertained such thoughts?"
Her questions were soft, yet each word struck Li Lingfeng's heart like a hammer.
He looked at her with a complex expression before slowly lowering his head. "How could I not want a child? If I had an heir, it would bring stability to our household and silence any gossip about you..."
He paused, his voice growing hoarse. "But I cannot bear to see you suffer even a little."
The corners of Su Wan'er’s eyes glistened with unshed tears, yet she still smiled gently and spoke softly. "I am not afraid of hardship; I fear that my husband feels sorrow. Li Lingfeng, do you harbor any resentment towards me?"
Li Lingfeng's hand trembled slightly. After a long moment, he replied, "I have never blamed you. If I must blame someone, it is only Heaven for being unkind!"
He clenched his fists tightly, tears shimmering in his eyes as his voice turned raspy. "You are the one I welcomed into my home with my own hands, Su Wan'er. In the past, I could ignore those rumors, but now hearing them every day weighs heavily on my heart. If I did not care about you, how could I be affected by such things?"
Su Wan'er gently raised her hand to caress his cheek and sighed, "I once thought that with the bond between us, we could endure any difficulties together. But this matter is ultimately my fault. If you truly wish to take a concubine, I will not stand in your way."
Her words were spoken softly, as if she were merely commenting on the pleasantness of the weather.
However, Li Lingfeng suddenly looked up, his eyes filled with shock and panic. "Su Wan'er! How can you say such things? Do you not know that I..."
His words caught in his throat, and he could not continue. Instead, he tightly grasped her hand as if holding onto the entire world.
"How could I bear to?" he murmured.
Su Wan'er gazed at him, her eyes brimming with tears yet still carrying a gentle smile. "Li Lingfeng, you are a man of great responsibility, shouldering the family business and caring for hundreds of people in the household. How can you let the Li Family's lineage falter because of me? You are torn inside, aren't you? Desiring a child while not wanting me to suffer?"
Li Lingfeng closed his eyes, his voice barely above a whisper. "Su Wan'er, you understand too much."
After a long moment, he slowly released her hand and walked to the window. In the night, his silhouette appeared tall and solitary.
Su Wan'er watched his back, feeling a dull ache in her heart.
She understood his predicament and recognized his inner desires and struggles.
Memories of their vows at the beginning of their marriage flooded her mind, along with the harmonious days they had shared over the years. Yet an invisible wall always stood between them.
Finally, Li Lingfeng turned back to face her, his expression now calm. "Su Wan'er, I promise you that no matter how others persuade me, I will not take a concubine. If we have no children, then it is fate. Let others say what they will."
He paused for a moment before softening his tone. "If you feel wronged in any way, do not hesitate to tell me. You are my wife, my heart's treasure; no amount of outside chatter can shake that."
Su Wan'er lowered her head as tears finally fell, but she only replied softly, "I understand."
Leaning against Li Lingfeng's shoulder and inhaling his cool scent, she felt a sense of peace within her heart.
Li Lingfeng gently embraced her and whispered, "Su Wan'er, it's getting chilly. You should rest early; there are many matters to attend to tomorrow."
Su Wan'er nodded and obediently leaned against him.
The night breeze blew in waves, causing the plum blossoms to fall softly, covering the ground.
Listening to Li Lingfeng's steady heartbeat, Su Wan'er felt tears soaking his clothes.
Li Lingfeng lowered his head and lightly kissed the top of her head, his voice tender yet sorrowful. "Su Wan'er, no matter what happens in this world, I only want you."
A shiver ran through Su Wan'er in his embrace, and a bittersweet smile appeared on her lips.
As dawn broke, a maid softly called from outside the door.
Su Wan'er slowly opened her eyes, the traces of tears still fresh on her pillow.
Li Lingfeng had already risen and donned his clothes. He turned back to glance at her, his gaze gentle. "Su Wan'er, today you should rest at home and not worry about anything. If anyone comes with news, you need not pay them any mind."
Su Wan'er nodded lightly, her voice barely above a whisper. "I understand."
As Li Lingfeng stepped out, his stride remained steady as ever, but his silhouette seemed lonely.
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