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Dad, Love Me Again
墨書 Inktalez
If my brother dies, will my father love me again?
Lin Xiao stood under the dim light, the yellow glow seemed to struggle against the heavy darkness that surrounded it, barely managing to spread in the confined space.
The walls around her felt as if they were silently closing in, and the air was thick with a suffocating heaviness.
She gripped a glimmering fruit knife tightly in her hand, her eyes revealing madness and determination.
Her body trembled slightly, as if she were engaged in a final struggle with the demons within her.
Opposite her lay her brother, Lin Yu, peacefully asleep on the bed.
When Lin Xiao was eight years old, an unexpected illness cruelly took her mother's life.
At her mother's funeral, her father held Lin Xiao's small hand tightly, his eyes filled with sorrow and helplessness. At that moment, Lin Xiao could still feel the warmth of his palm and believed they could rely on each other to get through the days ahead.
But after that, her father seemed to become a different person.
Previously, he would wake up early every day to prepare nutritious breakfasts for Lin Xiao, patiently help her comb her hair, and would gently kiss her forehead when sending her off to school, reminding her to study hard.
However, after her mother passed away, her father often sank into his own grief, neglecting Lin Xiao's life entirely.
Mornings no longer had prepared breakfasts; Lin Xiao could only scrounge for something to eat herself, and she often went to school with messy hair.
At ten years old, her father brought home a new mother and a brother, Lin Yu, who was only three years older than her.
Her new mother was always critical of Lin Xiao, while Lin Yu became a nightmare in her life.
When Lin Xiao was diligently working on her homework, Lin Yu would suddenly snatch her pen away, leaving long ink marks across her paper. When she was excitedly preparing to enjoy her beloved snacks, he would grab them and deliberately eat them in front of her. He would even fabricate various lies to slander her during the few exchanges she had with their father, making him dislike her even more.
However, in certain unguarded moments, Lin Yu would also show a protective side towards her.
Once, a group of mischievous boys bullied Lin Xiao on the way home from school, throwing stones at her and calling her a child without a mother.
Seeing this, Lin Yu rushed forward without hesitation, standing in front of Lin Xiao and fighting with those boys, even though he ended up with a bruised face himself.
Another time, when Lin Xiao accidentally fell down the stairs and was about to roll down, Lin Yu quickly reached out to grab her, but in doing so, he hurt his arm against the railing.
Yet these acts seemed insignificant compared to the resentment that had built up in Lin Xiao's heart.
At school, Lin Xiao was isolated and mocked by her classmates due to her introverted and silent nature.
She cast countless pleading glances at her father, hoping he would care for her like he used to, but he always turned a blind eye, believing only Lin Yu's words and blaming her for being unreasonable and causing trouble.
Years passed in this monotonous manner until Lin Xiao turned sixteen, when the school held a sports day that required parental participation.
Gathering her courage, Lin Xiao asked her father to attend, but he frowned impatiently and said, “I’m busy. Either have your mother go with you or let your brother take you.”
In the end, it was her brother who went. During the sports day, Lin Yu deliberately sabotaged the competition to make Lin Xiao embarrass herself in front of everyone.
As she felt the strange gazes and laughter from those around her, Lin Xiao's heart completely shattered.
In that moment, she felt like an orphan abandoned by the world, and the root of all this misery was Lin Yu.
It was him; everything she had was taken away by him, and her father no longer loved her.
So, on that night when the dark clouds completely obscured the moon and the world fell into utter darkness, Lin Xiao quietly slipped into Lin Yu's room while her family slept.
She looked at Lin Yu's sleeping face, her heart filled with no hesitation.
Raising the fruit knife in her hand, she plunged it fiercely into Lin Yu's chest.
Again and again, each stab carried with it years of resentment and pain.
Blood splattered onto her face and clothes, yet she felt no fear or guilt.
At that moment, the room was filled with a pungent smell of blood, and in the darkness, it seemed as if countless eyes were watching this act of evil unfold.
Lin Xiao gazed at Lin Yu lying in a pool of blood, a glimmer of relief flashing in her eyes.
She dropped the fruit knife and turned to leave the room.
Entering the living room, she sat on the sofa, surrounded by darkness that wrapped around her like a demon's embrace.
She quietly waited for dawn to arrive.
She did not know what awaited her, but at that moment, one thought consumed her mind: Father, with Brother gone, will you love me like you used to?
The morning sunlight streamed through the window onto Lin Xiao's face, but the light felt like a blinding mockery.
She slowly opened her eyes, gazing at the familiar yet strange home before her.
She knew that everything was beyond redemption. Rising to her feet, she walked towards the door.
As she opened it, the sunlight pierced her eyes, but she did not flinch.
With determined steps, she ventured into the unknown future, leaving behind a silent house.
Lin Xiao's heart was gnawed by regret as she lamented inwardly, "What have I done?"
These hands, which should have been deft shuttles weaving dreams, had now turned into instruments of sin.
Her brother, his past kindnesses flickered like fireflies in the dark—weak yet undeniably real.
She remembered the time when she was terrified by the neighbor's dog; he had stepped forward like a brave guardian. That figure should have been a warm stroke in their family portrait.
At that moment, sunlight bathed him, outlining him with a golden halo, as if he were a little hero descending to the mortal realm.
His smile was like sunlight breaking through spring clouds, capable of dispelling gloom and illuminating every corner of their home.
Yet she had been blinded by the shroud of hatred, like a mad executioner who struck down that brilliant star of hope, letting it fall into endless darkness.
She thought hatred could build a high wall to return to their father's love, but little did she know it was a raging landslide that engulfed her, dragging her into an abyss from which there was no escape.
Father, I was wrong—terribly wrong.
I was like a demon escaping from hell, cruelly extinguishing the vibrant flame of my brother's life, while forever locking my own soul in this purgatory forged from guilt and pain.
I could only wander in this endless journey of repentance, like a solitary traveler burdened by the scorn of the world and the desolation of my heart, trudging forward with difficulty, hoping that heaven might sprinkle even a drop of compassionate light to slightly soothe this shattered soul filled with sin.
Lin Xiao walked aimlessly down the street, thick clouds piled up in the sky, as if they were about to crash down at any moment.
The trees lining the street trembled in the wind, dry leaves swirling on the ground, making a rustling sound as if lamenting her sorrow.
She saw a pair of siblings playing joyfully in a nearby park; the brother lifted his sister high above his head, her silver bell-like laughter echoing in the air.
That warm scene pierced Lin Xiao's heart like a sharp sword.
She recalled the fleeting moments spent playing with her brother, when he would give her beautiful shells he had found. Yet, she had cast aside those joys due to the resentment in her heart.
At that moment, the flowers in the park swayed in the wind, seemingly sighing for the beauty she had lost.
As she passed by a school, she heard the clear sounds of reading and laughter from the students within.
The playground was surrounded by lush green trees, but to Lin Xiao, those trees seemed like indifferent spectators.
She couldn't help but remember her days at school; due to family upheaval, she always walked alone without friends.
Her brother, however, quickly blended into the group. His figure running on the playground and his eagerness to participate in class discussions vividly appeared before her eyes.
She realized that her brother was merely a child striving to adapt to a new life while she had placed all the blame on him. The school bell rang, its dull sound seemed to strike at her very soul.
Lin Xiao arrived at the riverbank, where the water flowed gently, its surface shimmering with a dull light, as if whispering tales of endless sorrow.
She gazed at her reflection in the water, a face filled with fatigue and regret.
Memories of her mother's teachings flooded her mind—be kind, be forgiving—but she had lost her way in a haze of hatred.
She thought about how disappointed her mother would be if she could see what she had become.
The water plants along the bank swayed weakly in the current, as if bowing their heads in mourning for her downfall.
Her thoughts drifted to her father, the man who once loved her dearly.
In the past, he would take her to the park every weekend, watching her chase butterflies among the flowers, gently wiping the sweat from her forehead and telling her delightful stories.
But now, his love seemed to have vanished completely.
She wondered if he had discovered what had happened to her brother and how heartbroken he would be upon learning the truth.
How she wished she could return to the past, to the time before hatred consumed her, to cherish every member of her family once more.
Yet time could not be reversed; she could only struggle alone in this abyss of regret.
At that moment, a cold wind swept by. She wrapped her arms around herself but still could not fend off the chill within.
As night fell, darkness enveloped the earth once again.
Lin Xiao found a secluded corner to sit down.
The surroundings were eerily silent, interrupted only by the occasional roar of distant cars.
She hugged her knees tightly, shivering in the cold night wind.
She knew that her future would be filled with hardships and pain, and she would never be able to escape the guilt that weighed heavily on her heart.
Yet, she secretly vowed to atone for her sins with the rest of her life; even if she could only earn a sliver of forgiveness, it would be a small redemption for her soul.
Meanwhile, in that room steeped in a sense of evil, the dim yellow light flickered unsteadily in the bloody air, as if it too were trembling in fear at the horrific scene.
Her father, as usual, prepared to knock on her brother's door to call him for breakfast. When he pushed the door open, he was met with a bed sheet stained by snow, but Lin Yu was nowhere to be seen. He then called out for Lin Xiao, only to find her room empty as well. A sense of unease washed over him, and his face was etched with worry.
In truth, he did not really stop loving Lin Xiao.
Since their mother passed away, he had noticed Lin Xiao becoming increasingly silent and withdrawn, her inner pain growing day by day.
Outside, the howling wind whipped through the trees, branches battering against the windows as if they were crying out in anguish, mourning the tragedy of this broken family.
He understood that Lin Xiao's inner wounds were difficult to heal. A psychologist had told him that in such situations, providing Lin Xiao with a "villain," someone for her to vent her resentment towards, might help her gradually emerge from the shadows.
Thus, he conspired with Lin Yu to deliberately make life difficult for Lin Xiao. On the surface, he would appear indifferent towards her while secretly keeping a watchful eye on everything happening behind the scenes.
In that corner, he watched countless times as Lin Xiao cried alone; his heart felt as though it were being sliced open by a knife, yet he could only endure in silence.
He hoped that Lin Xiao could release her inner pain through the resentment towards Lin Yu and ultimately embrace life again.
Dad thought he could control everything, but he never expected things to develop to such an irretrievable point.
At that moment, the silence in the room seemed to swallow him whole. He anxiously dialed the two children's numbers over and over again, tears streaming down his face, filled with guilt and regret. "I wanted to save you, Xiao'Er, but instead, I pushed you into a deeper abyss. It was my fault, a grave mistake..." But Lin Xiao...
Lin Xiao wandered the streets for a long time before finally stepping into an abandoned warehouse.
The warehouse was filled with a decaying odor, and cobwebs spread wildly in the corners.
She curled up in a corner, her body trembling uncontrollably as images of her brother lying in a pool of blood flashed through her mind.
She tried to cover her ears with her hands, hoping to stop those terrifying sounds from echoing in her head, but it was futile.
Meanwhile, Dad had also contacted Lin Yu and learned the general course of events. He slumped onto the floor as if his soul had left him.
His gaze was hollow and vacant, memories flooding back like a tide.
He remembered the beautiful times spent with Lin Xiao's mother when their home was filled with laughter and joy.
Now, everything was destroyed by his own hands.
He regretted listening to the psychologist's advice back then; he wished he had used a more direct and warmer approach to help Lin Xiao out of her shadows.
When his new wife learned that Lin Xiao had thoughts of harming Lin Yu, she seemed to fall into an endless abyss of darkness.
Her heart was filled with shock, sorrow, and disbelief.
She sat on the ground, staring blankly ahead, her mind flooded with memories of the smiles shared between her and her brother. Those once bright and sunny smiles had vanished so suddenly.
She began to reflect on her attitude towards Lin Xiao, questioning whether her criticism and indifference had indirectly contributed to Lin Xiao's worsening condition.
A wave of guilt and self-blame washed over her, and tears streamed uncontrollably down her face, soaking her clothes.
She realized that the fracture of this family was not solely Lin Xiao's fault; she too bore an undeniable responsibility.
Lin Xiao had spent a long and painful night in the warehouse.
The next morning, as the first rays of sunlight streamed in, she dragged her weary body outside.
She decided to turn herself in and take responsibility for her actions.
On her way to the police station, she passed by the market where she had once gone with her family.
The market was bustling with activity; people were selecting fresh vegetables and fruits at the stalls, haggling loudly over prices.
She saw a little girl tugging at her mother's hand, sweetly asking for candy. That warm scene made Lin Xiao's tears flow once more.
Meanwhile, her father finally sensed the seriousness of the situation. He took Lin Yu and Wang Nian to search for Lin Xiao everywhere.
He scoured all the places they had previously visited and questioned everyone who might know Lin Xiao's whereabouts, but to no avail.
His heart was filled with worry and fear; he was afraid that Lin Xiao would do something even more extreme.
He had never thought that Lin Xiao would turn herself in. In his subconscious, Lin Xiao was just a child who had been hurt and acted impulsively. He believed she might hide away or struggle alone in some corner, waiting for him to find her and offer comfort.
He overlooked the conscience and courage deep within Lin Xiao and did not anticipate that this upheaval would lead her to confront her sins so swiftly.
Lin Xiao arrived at the police station, took a deep breath, and mustered the courage to walk inside.
Inside the station, she truthfully confessed her crimes.
The officers were taken aback, repeatedly confirming details with Lin Xiao. Eventually, they asked for her family’s contact information, called her father, and asked him to come pick her up. They turned back to reassure Lin Xiao, telling her to wait a moment.
Watching Lin Xiao sitting there in a daze, the officers shook their heads in pity for the child. Just then, as she spotted her brother entering, terror surged within her: “Don’t come closer! Don’t come closer! I didn’t really want to kill you; I just wanted Dad to love me like before. Please don’t look for me…”
Hearing Lin Xiao's desperate cries felt like a knife cutting through her father's heart.
Lin Xiao's body trembled uncontrollably, her eyes filled with fear and regret.
Lin Yu looked at Lin Xiao, his gaze devoid of anger, only deep compassion.
He slowly approached her and softly said, “Sister, don’t be afraid. I don’t blame you.”
But Lin Xiao kept shrinking back, tears flooding out like a burst dam.
Her father stepped forward and tightly embraced Lin Xiao, his voice choked with emotion: “ Xiao'Er, it was my mistake. I shouldn’t have tried to help you this way.”
“Dad will definitely love you well in the future and will never let you suffer even a little bit again.”
Lin Xiao cried loudly in her father's arms, as if trying to release all her pain.
Her new mother also came over, tears streaming down her face. She took Lin Xiao's hand and said, “ Xiao'Er, I will treat you just like my own daughter from now on. Can we start anew as a family?”
Lin Xiao looked at them, feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt.
After leaving the police station, the family returned home.
The atmosphere in the house was heavy and oppressive, the bloody scenes still vivid in their minds.
Her father decided to take the family to see a psychologist, seeking professional help to mend their broken family.
Under the psychologist's guidance, everyone began to reflect on their actions.
Her father realized that his poor decisions had caused immense harm to his children, and he vowed to care for his family in the right way from now on.
The new mother also understood how her criticism and indifference had brought pain to Lin Xiao, and she resolved to change her attitude.
Lin Yu expressed that he would be more caring and protective of Lin Xiao, ensuring she would no longer feel lonely or bullied.
The support of her family became an important strength for Lin Xiao to overcome her psychological shadows.
Every day, her father would spend time chatting with Lin Xiao, listening to her thoughts and sharing his own stories.
The new mother also prepared Lin Xiao's favorite foods and took care of her daily needs.
Lin Yu became Lin Xiao's strongest support.
Lin Xiao felt the warmth of family that she hadn't experienced in a long time. In that moment, she realized she was no longer alone.
With her family's companionship, Lin Xiao gradually learned how to love and be loved.
She began to take the initiative to care for her family and do what she could for them.
She would hand her father a cup of hot tea when he returned home from work; she would take care of her new mother when she fell ill; and she would lend a helping hand to Lin Yu when he faced difficulties.
Just when her family thought Lin Xiao was gradually overcoming her psychological shadows, an unexpected event turned everything upside down.
While sorting through old belongings, her father discovered a diary belonging to Lin Xiao, with entries dating back to before her mother's death.
With mixed emotions, he opened the diary, and the contents shocked him profoundly.
It turned out that Lin Xiao had never accepted her new mother and Lin Yu in her heart; instead, she was filled with jealousy towards them.
She felt that her brother had taken away their father's love for her and believed that the appearance of her new mother had stolen the love that belonged to her mother. She selfishly blamed everything on the new mother, thinking it was all part of a scheme to make her lose her mother.
Lin Xiao had never awakened from this mindset. From that moment on, she began to plot a conspiracy; she wanted her brother to disappear so that she could regain all of their father's attention.
Her mother's death had a significant impact on her, but little did anyone know that her silent demeanor and the bullying she endured were all deliberate disguises aimed at making her father feel guilty.
As Dad delved deeper into the diary, he uncovered more evidence.
Lin Xiao meticulously documented how she deliberately instigated conflicts with her brother, created a facade of isolation at school, and gradually led events to an irreparable point.
Dad and the family were engulfed in profound pain and turmoil.
They were uncertain about how to treat Lin Xiao and how to guide her. Should they continue to love her and help her reform, or should they let her face the consequences of her actions?
After intense discussions and inner struggles, the family ultimately decided to give Lin Xiao a chance.
They believed that everyone makes mistakes, and as long as Lin Xiao truly repented, they were willing to accept her back.
When Lin Xiao returned home and saw everyone hesitating to speak, she realized that Dad had read all her diaries.
As Lin Xiao boldly admitted to her schemes and revealed that she had intentionally left the notebook for Dad to find, the entire family was once again plunged into shock and chaos.
Dad's eyes widened in disbelief, while her new mother covered her mouth, tears welling in her eyes. Lin Yu looked at his once-sister with a complex expression.
In Lin Xiao's gaze was a calmness that followed madness. She slowly said, “I’m tired of being ignored and bullied. I want to reclaim everything that belongs to me, including Dad's love.” Her voice echoed in the silent room, striking each person's heart like a heavy hammer.
Dad trembled as he asked, “ Xiao'Er, how could you do this? We are family.”
Lin Xiao scoffed, “Family? Since Mom passed away, who among you has truly cared for me? With her and him here, I feel like I’ve become an unnecessary person in this home.”
The new mother couldn't help but say, " Xiao'Er, I know I haven't treated you well in the past, but I never intended to hurt you."
Lin Xiao, however, remained unmoved. "Your criticism and indifference have hurt me countless times."
After a moment of silence, Lin Yu spoke up. "I admit that I deliberately made things difficult for you, but that was because of Dad's instructions. I had my own struggles." Lin Xiao looked at Lin Yu, a flicker of complex emotions crossing her face before being quickly replaced by indifference.
Faced with Lin Xiao's honesty, the family found themselves in a difficult position.
Their father was heartbroken; he didn't know how to face the daughter he once cherished.
The new mother was filled with guilt, feeling responsible for the situation.
She wanted to make amends for her mistakes but didn't know where to start.
Lin Yu was pondering his place in this family.
He began to question whether his actions had been right all along, as he had liked this sister from the moment he arrived in this home.
Lin Xiao said, "I'm not asking for forgiveness from any of you by laying everything out; I just want to tell you how I lived in the past. From now on, I don't want to continue like this."
The family responded in unison, "We understand," and then they all tightly embraced Lin Xiao.
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