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墨書 Inktalez
The winter in Beijing was truly cold. As soon as she stepped outside, the biting wind swept through, turning the warmth of her tears to ice on her cheeks.
Qin Nianzhe arrived in his car and invited Yun Li to get in and wait for a while. She didn’t refuse; she desperately needed a quiet place to vent her feelings.
She cried in the car for a long time. Qin Nianzhe stood outside, feeling uneasy as he watched her. His phone rang, and upon answering, he frowned at what he heard but still agreed to whatever was said.
After dropping Yun Li off at a hotel near the airport, he waited until she had checked in before he dared to leave.
Back at Xiangyuan No. 1, Jiang Shiyu sat on the sofa in his pajamas, clutching a bracelet tightly in his hand. Qin Nianzhe couldn’t help but curse, “Can you just calm down for one day? It was hard enough getting her here, and now you’ve driven her away again. If you don’t like her anymore, stop dragging it out. Look at how much she cried! Who was it that just got drunk and kept shouting ‘Hao Hao’?”
Qin Nianchu mimicked him, feeling utterly speechless. The living room was dimly lit with only one lamp on, casting shadows that hid his emotions but could not mask the heavy aura of despair surrounding him. Jiang Shiyu lowered his gaze, his face still pale. He slowly stood up, his shoulders slumped, lacking his usual bravado, his voice hoarse as he said, “I won’t do it again.”
At home, Yun Zheng’s legs were much better, though he still needed to use crutches. He couldn’t cook, but Deng Ting could manage that. The three of them sat together for dinner. Yun Zheng scrutinized his daughter closely. “Hao Hao, have you lost more weight? Your little face has no flesh on it at all.”
“I lost a pound,” Yun Li replied cheerfully.
“A pound? You only weighed ninety pounds to begin with; losing a pound means you probably have no extra flesh left,” Deng Ting said with some discontent over her dieting.
“Losing weight is good; it makes you lighter for your techniques,” Yun Zheng added. “But Hao Hao, you need to pay attention to your nutrition so you don’t faint.”
“Don’t worry about me! I’ll take care,” she assured them.
Shu had returned from America and came over to Yun Li’s house that night after dinner to stay over. They used to often sleep over at each other’s homes.
Lying in bed, Shu hugged Yun Li tightly; there was hardly any flesh on her shoulder. “Hao Hao, how much weight have you lost? It feels uncomfortable hugging you now; before, there was some softness.”
“Not much; I just wear more clothes.” She got up to put on some clothes as Shu pulled her back down.
“Stop fussing around.”
“I had Xu Nian call a few boys from their school; we’ll pick tomorrow.”
Yun Li laughed softly. “It sounds like we’re choosing a consort or something! I’m not interested in that right now; my priority is finishing my studies. After the New Year when school starts again, the Jing Ge Dance Theatre's Team Leader will come to select people.”
“I want to join.”
“I support whatever you want to do,” Shu said as she tugged the blanket up to her neck. “Just remember to talk to me about things; don’t keep everything bottled up, okay?”
Yun Li nodded. “Yeah, let’s sleep! We have to get up early tomorrow.”
After a restful sleep, the sound of even breathing came from beside her. Yun Li's eyes were wide open, unable to fall asleep. An hour passed, then two, then three.
Yun Li quietly got up and went downstairs to grab two cans of beer that she had secretly bought and hidden away. She returned to the balcony, drinking alone.
Shu, who had been sleeping soundly, suddenly realized that there was no one beside her. She reached out and felt the cold emptiness, startling herself awake. Quickly getting up, she turned to see someone sitting on the balcony.
Shu rushed over, her heart racing. "Hao Hao, what are you doing here?"
Yun Li replied, "I can't sleep." On the table beside her were two empty beer cans.
Shu's eyes widened in shock; Hao Hao used to be unable to drink at all. Now she could handle three cans. After getting drunk last time, she discovered that alcohol was a good thing—it could help bury emotions that were hard to digest, flowing out like air afterward.
Shu sat down next to her and hesitated for a long time before asking, "Hao Hao, if you're feeling sad, just say it out loud. Don't keep it all inside."
Yun Li remained silent for a long time. Shu didn’t interrupt; she just stayed quiet with her. Finally, Yun Li spoke up, her voice echoing in the stillness of the night: "I just can’t understand."
Shu immediately perked up. "What can’t you understand?"
"Is it because I’m not good enough? Or am I too clingy? Otherwise, why would he find it exhausting?" Yun Li said quietly, her gaze fixed on the distant streetlight.
The more silent she became, the more painful it was inside. Shu felt a pang of sympathy for her.
"Hao Hao, it's not that you're not good enough, and it's not because you're too clingy. It’s not your fault either; men are just like that. If they don’t like you anymore, they just don’t—there’s no reason."
"I heard from my friend in America that her parents used to be in love. Her mother was gentle and kind-hearted; her father was a businessman who treated people well and cared for his family without any bad habits. Their relationship was very stable until these past two years when her father started to become dissatisfied with everything. He wasn’t as good to her mother as before and often argued with her. Eventually, they were close to divorce. When she asked her father why he no longer loved her mother, he said love doesn’t remain unchanged forever; over time even the best things can lose their flavor."
"Human emotions are complex and ever-changing; there’s no other reason for it—certainly not because of you."
Yun Li curled up into herself, resting her chin on her knees.
"But it was still Hao Hao yesterday," she lamented. "Then I opened my eyes today and everything changed."
"If there had been a transition—if he had started changing little by little—I could have accepted that. But I can’t accept that just one day he was calling me ‘baby’ and the next day he said he was tired. The shift happened too quickly; it felt like falling from the clouds into hell—it’s terrifying."
"It struck me hard before I even had a chance to react."
Shu had been accompanying Yun Li these past few days, worried about her well-being. Yun Li only struggled with sleepless nights; otherwise, everything seemed normal.
After school started again, Yun Li immersed herself in her studies and successfully joined the Jing Ge Dance Theatre.
As she entered her senior year, she spent every day in the theater, either rehearsing or preparing for rehearsals, gradually getting used to being alone. Yet, anxiety still plagued her, and sleepless nights became a constant companion. She thought that with time, things would improve, but nothing changed.
After graduation, while having dinner with Qin Nianchu, she heard some news about Jiang Shiyu. He had been accepted into the Massachusetts Institute of Technology for aerospace studies. It was said that he had been preparing since the second semester of his junior year.
Yun Li suddenly realized that their past close relationship didn’t signify anything substantial; it was merely what normal couples experienced. They had never discussed their future together. She had never known his aspirations or that he intended to study abroad for further research.
Listening quietly, Yun Li noticed that Qin Nianchu assumed she had moved on and spoke without restraint. By the way, Qin Nianchu was now an emerging artist in the industry. During a Spring Festival recording in her senior year, she caught the eye of a well-known director and landed a minor role, which led her to decide to pursue a career in entertainment.
Chen Jin Xiu had joined an overseas modern dance troupe, performing all over the world. After graduation, she would be busy with her own endeavors. Chen Jin Xiu remarked that there are no everlasting gatherings; eventually, everyone must go their separate ways, as long as the friendship remains.
Shu Ye was pursuing research in the United States and would return after graduation.
Yun Li kept herself busy, immersing completely in dance as she aimed to establish herself at Jing Ge Dance Theatre. She was hard on herself, which even worried her team leader. However, Yun Li insisted that she had plans and ambitions; she hoped to reach the principal position within a year.
Everyone kindly reminded this bold and ambitious girl not to speak too soon because every newcomer in the theater said the same thing; the principal position wasn’t something one could simply claim by wishing for it. She just smiled and secretly worked hard towards that goal.
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