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墨書 Inktalez
On July 9th, the college entrance examination ended, and on October 8th, I left my hometown to report to school. The summer of 1989 became the longest vacation of my life. The farm work at home and the matters related to the college entrance exam and further studies were not particularly taxing, so I suddenly found myself with a lot of free time. Unlike previous summers filled with intense study, I followed my heart and read some "leisurely books" that I had never had the time or mood to read before. This became the main theme of my three-month break.
Although the books I read were casual and varied, I still categorized them in my mind. Some were purely for passing time, like "Legend of Ancient and Modern" and "Story Club," which often appeared in Liu Dawei's house, along with some chapter novels like "The Complete Tale of Huang Tian Ba" and "Xue Rengui Fights Against Tang," which my grandfather had finished reading. There were also magazines brought home by my father, suitable for teachers and students alike, such as "Language & Literature Newspaper" and "Hunan Education," which I skimmed through. Finally, there were classic works that I recognized as significant, regardless of whether they were Chinese or foreign, ancient or modern; as long as I could find them, I would read them slowly. During this vacation, I managed to read three notable works—"Autumn," "Gone with the Wind," and "Dream of the Red Chamber."
The first book that caught my eye was "Autumn." From high school Chinese textbooks, I learned that Mr. Ba Jin's "Torrential Trilogy" began with "Family." However, since this concluding work was available, I certainly wouldn't insist on starting from the beginning. Moreover, given the economic conditions at that time, buying books was a luxury; borrowing them depended on others' moods and availability. It was in this way that I stumbled upon "Autumn," which I found among a pile of old papers at a teacher's house. Not only was the cover torn off, but several pages at the beginning were also missing. Perhaps it was Mr. Ba Jin's writing style that attracted me or perhaps it was the autobiographical elements that resonated with me; this incomplete book with its parachuted characters and stories became my best comfort while waiting for exam results.
Under the educational system and political climate of that time, this trilogy was labeled as a critique of feudal patriarchal authoritarianism. Through the decline and fragmentation of the Gao family, it depicted the collapse of feudal patriarchal systems and the revolutionary changes sweeping through the younger generation's lives. "Autumn," in particular, illustrated the disintegration of old families—the ending where Jue Xin's wife Rui Yu died in childbirth and his son Hai Chen succumbed to convulsions; Jue Min married Miss Qin and moved out; Shu Ying escaped with her brothers' help; Gao family's third master Ke Ming finally awakened after his daughter left, while his two brothers continued their usual bickering at home, sometimes even demanding to split up. Ultimately, Ke Ming died from anger caused by his two brothers. The Gao Mansion was sold off, leaving the Gao family's affairs in disarray as everyone looked at each other like enemies.
However, what resonated with me was not Jue Min—who was widely praised for his revolutionary fervor—but rather Jue Xin, who seemed weak yet deeply human. As the eldest son of the Gao family and their hope for change, he fantasized about altering old patterns but felt powerless against traditional constraints. This contradiction led him to develop a typical "dual" personality; ultimately, he could only care for others while watching his wife and child—and his own love—drift away.
Years later, as I grew older and encountered more knowledge, I finally understood why Jue Xin's story struck such a chord with me. In many ways, I possessed a typical split personality: traditional at heart but avant-garde in thought—quiet in reality yet yearning to break free. Moreover, I bore the responsibility of being the eldest grandson; although I had escaped from the small mountain village where my ancestors had lived for centuries, I could not escape from the confines of a pathological society. During a period of great social change, clinging to moral principles often led to setbacks; even when my thoughts were clear, a sense of melancholy and confusion lingered.
After finishing "Autumn," my thirst for literature drove me to search for more food for thought until I unearthed the classic "Dream of the Red Chamber." My first encounter with this monumental work occurred during middle school; unfortunately, at that young age, I couldn't grasp its depth and set it aside after reading just a few pages. This time around—perhaps due to having matured or influenced by studying two chapters during high school—I picked it up again without hesitation. To my surprise, whether due to age or some mysterious thread pulling me along, after two or three days of reading, I began to feel immersed in it—a realization echoed in that ancient saying: “Suddenly turning back, that person is there amidst the lanterns.”
Looking back on that time now, what remains vivid in my memory are mostly the judgments on the Twelve Beauties, various poems and songs, peculiar prescriptions for pills—the specific plots and feelings may have seeped into my bones and transformed into something less clear-cut. Perhaps reading "Dream of the Red Chamber" half-understood planted a seed deep within me; after all, years later I would read it once more.
Upon receiving my university acceptance letter, I visited my grandmother’s house as usual to rummage through my grandfather’s books. There I found a three-volume set of "Gone with the Wind." Once again driven by hunger for literature without discrimination in choice—my high school teacher Xie Guoqing had recommended Johann Christoph’s world classics to me before; however, after struggling with its tongue-twisting name for a while, I'd shied away from foreign classics since then—but in rural areas finding any book is worth celebrating! Why be picky? Besides, this set was titled "Gone with the Wind," which might pique my interest just like "Autumn."
It was my first encounter with literature from a female perspective—the first time imagining scenes from American plantations based on text—the first exposure to different war scenarios and vividly fleshed-out heroes captivated me deeply. In just one week I flipped through over 1,100 pages from start to finish. With plenty of time before school started and no pressure from my grandfather to return it yet again allowed me to dive deeper into certain chapters while jotting down resonant passages—a new “accumulation” mode began.
I am grateful to Margaret for introducing me to distant lands' customs; thanks to Scarlett and Rhett Butler for showing me how foreigners pursue love (which mirrored certain chapters from an occasional glance at a forbidden book called “Lady Chatterley's Lover”); direct yet persistent without lacking wisdom; thanks to my grandfather for opening a door into foreign literature and note-taking…
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