I started a flirtation with Xiao Fu.
I persistently pursued him and added him on WeChat, beginning a series of playful exchanges.
Recently, he has been busy with work and hasn't been around much, but he can't resist my relentless messages. He often comes over at night to bring me food.
He is quite innocent, inviting me to watch movies, buying snacks, and occasionally picking up little figurines to cheer me up.
We have been going back and forth like this for a few months without breaking the ice.
Late one night, he sent me a message, but I wasn't in the mood to open it. I was conflicted; I had just received a business offer and wasn't sure whether to take it.
This deal was on shaky ground and not very safe. After being schooled by Xiao Fu for months, I found myself hesitating.
Looking at the balance in my account, I gritted my teeth and accepted the offer.
The employer was a big shot, targeting his subordinate, the Deputy.
In the power struggles between gangs, there were some shady dealings involved. Logically, someone like me shouldn't even be on the employer's radar.
But I had a good reputation in business; I had never failed in my endeavors and bore a striking resemblance to the Deputy's deceased wife—everything seemed to align perfectly.
This deal was risky; if things went south, I could lose everything. However, the employer was generous and offered an enticing sum that struck at my weak point.
So I took it and disappeared for two whole months.
I was playing out a "Deep Sea Romance" on the Deputy's secluded island, unaware that Xiao Fu was nearly going crazy looking for me.
The Deputy and I were from two different worlds. I still thought like an ordinary citizen, and as the deadline approached, I struggled to make my move. But for the sake of money, I was only interested in going big.
When beauty can no longer serve as a weapon, I still have my wits.
So, I frantically became a fence-sitter, quickly turning around to sell out Employer.
This went against my professional ethics, but who could blame me? Employer had committed too many offenses, each one more egregious than the last. After two months of surveillance, I hadn’t gleaned much from Deputy’s secrets, but Employer’s dirty deeds poured out like water through a sieve.
Seeing my primary job on the verge of collapse, I decided to play the role of a concerned citizen.
Before calling the police, I struck a deal with Deputy. I asked him if he had known my identity all along. He didn’t hide it; he had been wary of Employer from the start.
I told him I wanted to gain something from this and take down Employer, but it was risky and required funds.
Deputy agreed, and my account balance multiplied tenfold.
The final outcome was that Employer was wanted by the police, Deputy stirred up a bloody chaos, and I was blacklisted in the industry. I considered myself somewhat clever for managing to hide out for a few months.
Once things calmed down, I sneaked back to prepare for my move.
Unexpectedly, Employer was cunning; their goons had been waiting for me to show up. I became the lamb led to slaughter. When the knife plunged into my abdomen, I felt numb.
I optimistically thought, “At least I’m leaving without debts.”
I felt myself growing colder and hoped that when I was discovered, I wouldn’t be decomposed or have any signs of death.
As my consciousness faded, in the second before I closed my eyes, I saw Xiao Fu burst in.
It was our first meeting in half a year.
But I could no longer see his face clearly.
...
I was still alive, and realizing this brought me no joy. I was tough; I shouldn't have met my end.
The smell of disinfectant in the hospital made me feel nauseous, but Xiao Fu’s face was a pleasant sight.
I struggled to open my eyes and mumbled, "Heaven won't take me; it's truly a joyous occasion."
Xiao Fu beside me quietly remarked, "A calamity lasts for a thousand years."
I was taken aback by his words, yet I felt happy as I met Xiao Fu's gaze. I thought my white moonlight was simply charming; even his angry face looked so full of life.
He was peeling an apple and then started munching on it himself.
Silence spread between us, and I felt a bit awkward for a moment.
After catching his breath, he seemed to have made up his mind and spoke to me first:
"When you went missing, I checked all your social connections and financial dealings. I never knew you had such a large debt."
I was at a loss for words, unsure of how to respond.
"A few months ago, a large sum of money came in, and you mostly paid it off. At that time, I felt something was off and stayed at your house all night, but it turned out I was still one step too late."
"Lin Yu Tang, I'm not going to ask what you've been doing or anything else. But can you please take your life seriously?"
I looked at Xiao Fu's tired and helpless face, and suddenly felt that this was a sensation I hadn't experienced in a long time.
"After my adoptive father died, no one cared about me like this anymore."
I gazed into Xiao Fu's eyes and honestly expressed my vulnerability. "I'm an orphan. When I was seven, my dad brought me home, but that old man had bad luck. Before I even graduated from college, he was diagnosed with cancer.
He didn't want to seek treatment, but I couldn't bear it. I borrowed money from everywhere to keep him in the hospital for two years, but he still didn't make it."
As I recounted these past events, I didn't cry; I had long since become numb, my tears all dried up.
The year the old man passed away, I borrowed money from my college classmates. Xiao Mian was the most generous; she helped me out with 100,000 from her parents. That's why I would help her. The others were students too, and their money wasn't enough. At that time, I hadn't left campus and knew nothing. In a moment of impulse, I borrowed from loan sharks, leading to a long period of repayment. During the hardest times, I stood on Songjiang Bridge, contemplating ending it all. But thinking about the debts of gratitude I still owed, I forced myself to endure.
"Fang Xiaofu," I said, "I can't take my life too seriously; life is not more important than money."
Xiao Fu had a strong sense of empathy. Seeing me speak about my story with an expressionless face made his eyes turn red. I didn't notice or perhaps didn't care to notice; there was guilt and deep sorrow in his gaze.
I actually didn't need these emotions. I had walked through the darkest paths alone, forsaking everything; I had long since discarded these irrelevant feelings.
In a daze, I thought,
Everything has passed; let it all go.
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