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Empty Joy
墨書 Inktalez
The morning in Shanghai was still shrouded in a misty drizzle, damp and gloomy, much like my current mood.
I changed into a plain white qipao, my hair casually tied up in a bun at the back of my head. With soft steps, I slowly approached Lin Fengyi's door and gently knocked.
After a long pause with no response, I decided to let myself in.
Inside, the bedding was neatly arranged, showing no signs of disorder.
At that moment, Mother Wu approached cautiously with light footsteps, her voice tinged with a hint of apprehension. "Miss, the gentleman has gone out. He asked me to tell you that he will be back around this afternoon."
Perhaps in their eyes, I had always been a capricious young lady, causing everyone to keep their distance. Even when forced to speak to me, they did so with trepidation. I couldn't help but mock myself inwardly—Zhen Changhuan, how did you become so fearsome?
"Got it. You can go about your business!" I waved her off gently and turned to hurriedly call Lin Fengyi.
Today marked the anniversary of my sister's passing. In my heart, nothing was more important than paying tribute to her.
When the call connected, I skipped any pleasantries and got straight to the point.
There was a brief silence on the other end before I heard a few light coughs. He said, "Chang Huan, once I finish with the business meeting, I'll go see her. It won't be long!" His voice sounded somewhat weary and hoarse; despite his efforts to conceal his low spirits, I could still sense it keenly.
"I'll wait for you for one more hour!" I glanced at my delicate wristwatch and calmly ended the call.
At that moment, the rain outside had lessened significantly, yet the sky remained a dull gray, like a heavy lead plate pressing down on my heart.
After a while, I heard the sound of a car horn approaching, and the gate of the yard slowly opened—Lin Fengyi had returned.
He was dressed in a sharp black suit and wore a slightly worn black top hat, stepping out of the car with an upright posture. Through the misty haze, I couldn't make out his expression clearly.
I grabbed my handbag and hurried down the stairs in my high heels, making a "tap tap" sound as I ran to him. Instead of meeting his gaze, I hunched over and quickly slipped into the car.
He followed suit and sat down beside me. Neither of us spoke first; we both stared out of the window.
The atmosphere in the car grew heavy for a moment. The driver, sensing the mood, first drove to a flower shop where he carefully selected a bouquet of pure white lilies before heading straight to the cemetery.
Lin Fengyi gently placed the lilies in front of his sister's grave, his movements so tender as if he feared to disturb the one who lay asleep.
Then, he silently lit a stack of joss paper. Watching the flickering flames, I gazed at the swirling ashes and sighed softly, saying, "Sister, you must be well over there. Please don’t be foolish anymore, and don’t keep thinking about that man who isn’t worth your love. He’s doing fine—better than you..."
“Chang Huan, do you really have to do this?” Lin Fengyi suddenly interrupted my rambling, a look of painful wistfulness and sorrow crossing his face. His brows furrowed slightly, and his eyes were filled with helplessness.
“Can’t you bear to listen? Can’t take it anymore? Lin Fengyi, my sister died for you. If you hadn’t been so fickle, would she have lost her mind?”
I glared at him with resentment; a thin veil of tears blurred my vision. All I could see was his gaunt outline and deeply set eyes, as anger and sorrow intertwined within me.
These words were ones I repeated every time I came here. In the past, he would listen awkwardly without saying a word, but now he could no longer bear to hear them.
“Chang Huan, I’m sorry, Man Li, but over these years, you’ve tormented me enough!”
Lin Fengyi stood up, his thick black brows tightly knitted together. His voice carried a hint of helplessness and pleading, and the expression on his face was one of utter exhaustion, as if the burdens of life were suffocating him.
Looking into his dark, profound eyes, a wave of sorrow surged within me. Was this still the Lin Fengyi from three years ago, full of vigor and ambition?
Now, he appeared so worn and despondent, even somewhat aged beyond his years. Time seemed to have left too many heavy marks on him.
Undeniably, my heart softened. This man was not only loved by my sister; I loved him too.
But I couldn’t allow myself to soften; I couldn’t hesitate. He was my enemy, and I should only harbor hatred for him. This hatred had taken root in my heart long ago and was not easily uprooted.
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