Amnesia is a condition caused by brain injury, primarily divided into Psychogenic Amnesia and Dissociative Amnesia. The main characteristic of amnesia is the disruption of normal integrative functions of consciousness, memory, identity, or perception of the environment, leading to distress in daily life, with symptoms that cannot be explained by physiological factors. Patients often do not know who they are or frequently feel as if there are many "selves" within them.
Psychogenic Amnesia can be categorized into four types:
Localized Amnesia: The patient completely loses memory of events occurring a few hours before and after a traumatic incident.
Selective Amnesia: The individual selectively remembers certain events from a specific period while forgetting others.
Total Amnesia: This refers to the complete loss of personal background information, including name and address.
Continuity Amnesia: This type involves forgetting past experiences up to a certain year or event.
The obvious symptoms of amnesia patients include loss of memory for short-term events, difficulty in verbal expression, impaired understanding of abstract concepts, and the ability to think or speak but not act. They often exhibit forgetfulness, repetitive questioning or requests, emotional volatility, or become uncooperative and dull.
Even without any background in psychology, I vaguely understood the meaning of this term from the detailed descriptions in the literature.
I had been avoiding it, so my mind had automatically blocked out any information related to "Lingzi."
"Xiao Liang, there's something I've been wanting to tell you," A Zhao said solemnly, his gaze fixed on me, his lips trembling slightly as if he were struggling to find the right words.
"Lingzi is dead..."
Though I still did not hear the sound, I could instantly read his lips and discern that sentence.
It was not as shocking as I had imagined; it seemed like something I had anticipated.
What exactly was I avoiding? I could recall the painful memories of pursuing Lingzi, so what else could make me want to escape?
Lingzi's death.
If Lingzi was murdered the night before she didn't come to school, what was I doing that night?
I strained to remember, my brow furrowed, my hands constantly tugging at my hair, as if that would pull the memories out. I vaguely recalled that I hadn’t gone home that night and had spent it outside. Where had I been? What had I done? I truly had no memory of it. In fact, it wasn’t just that night; ever since my family’s tragedy, I hadn’t retained any memories of the nights that followed.
Wait a minute, Xiao Liang only said Lingzi was dead; it didn’t necessarily mean I killed her. There was no need for me to force myself to think in that direction. Perhaps, perhaps I just happened to witness Lingzi's accident, just like watching my family perish, so…
I pounded my head desperately with my fists, hitting my temples again and again while cursing myself under my breath: “Damn it, you coward, you’re avoiding it again, avoiding it…”
If Lingzi's death was an accident, why would the police come to school repeatedly for investigations? If Lingzi's death was an accident, why was discussing it prohibited? If Lingzi's death was an accident…
I cursed myself, furious at my own cowardice, my teeth grinding together as my body trembled slightly with anger.
“Xiao Liang, what’s wrong with you?” A Zhao looked at me in alarm, his eyes wide open. He stepped forward and grasped my shoulders, shaking me vigorously.
“A Zhao, I… I’m sorry…” I recounted my speculations to him in detail, my voice trembling with a hint of despair.
“Maybe… maybe I really did kill Lingzi. I loved her and hated her!” I gritted my teeth and finally uttered those words, the muscles in my face twitching from the strain.
"It’s impossible, Xiao Liang, I believe you wouldn’t kill," A Zhao argued urgently, his face filled with anxiety and sincerity as he waved his hands in the air, seemingly trying to prove his point.
"Maybe I really am, as everyone says, deep down wanting to become a twisted killer. A Zhao, ever since my family passed away, I’ve been running away for too long. I really don’t want to run anymore..."
A Zhao looked into my eyes and finally let out a long sigh. His shoulders slumped slightly, and his gaze revealed a hint of helplessness and fatigue. "Xiao Liang, maybe you’re right. The sins you commit must be borne by yourself. You should turn yourself in."
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