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墨書 Inktalez
"I'm looking for Chu Xi."
I changed my clothes and took half an hour to get a taxi, hurriedly arriving at the bar.
She rarely asks me to pick her up.
" Xu must feel uncomfortable coming to a place like this. I'll just go back by myself."
As long as she's around, I won't feel uncomfortable. But before I could say anything, she had already started talking about something else.
Does she forget what she says? When has she ever gone back by herself? There's always one or two suspicious men following behind her.
Even if I realize their feelings, as long as I don't point it out, Chu Xi will not avoid it.
I have some self-deprecation, maybe I was destined to separate from her long ago.
The summer five years ago clearly foreshadowed the ending, I just didn't want to accept it.
Why do you keep giving me hope and love again and again? As long as you give me a clear refusal, I won't cling to this crumbling feeling anymore.
After I got off the car, I stopped a passerby to ask for the location of the bar. He pointed me in a direction, and I pointed to my eyes. He understood after a moment of confusion and kindly led me to the entrance of the bar.
The person I asked was probably quite surprised.
What is a blind person doing here?
"Why are you here again? Didn't Chu Xi say not to let you come pick him up?"
It seems that there is someone familiar with Chu Xi at the door, and they have seen me a few times before coming.
"Go away, we'll make sure to send you home, Brother Yang, and make you look good."
The person took a sip of wine and spat at me.
"That's right, don't stick to people like a dog!"
"Take a good look at yourself, what else besides your face can you be proud of? Don't daydream, there are plenty of men around Chu Xi!"
The first time I came here to find Chu Xi, I faced such naked ridicule.
What's ridiculous is that my first reaction was not to mock back, but to feel a sense of powerlessness.
It's as if, no matter how hard I try, I've never truly entered the world of Chu Xi. It wasn't until Chu Xi emerged with a smile that my suspended heart felt a little real. The lights in the bar were already chaotic and glaring, and at this moment I could only make out the vague shadows in front of me. I didn't want to argue with them, just furrowed my brow and repeated that sentence while looking down.
"I'm looking for Chu Xi."
"Do you not understand human language or what?"
One of them, drunk and angry, kicked me directly in the foot.
I was kicked to the ground, my head throbbing and dizzy. As I tried to stand up, I grabbed onto a nearby stool but still couldn't get up. The bar was crowded, and people passing by seemed to be avoiding me. Someone accidentally stepped on my hand, causing me intense pain. "Stop pretending! Are you trying to extort money here?"
That person kept staring at me lying on the ground, reaching out to grab my collar, but was pulled away by someone next to them. "Calm down, I don't think he's faking it," another voice shouted in front of me, staring at my face for a long time, as if something was swaying in front of me, but I had no reaction.
"Is he...blind?" the person asked hesitantly to the person next to them. "Hurry, hurry, go quickly call Chu Xi!"
The refreshing scent of citrus wafted through the air in front of me, dispersing the previously nauseating smell. I realized that Chu Xi had arrived. "Why did you take so long? When are you going to apologize to me?"
She hasn't calmed down yet. According to her usual spoiled and arrogant nature, she always has to make a scene before she's willing to make up with me as before.
"I agree to break up."
I lowered my head, my throat knotting violently, suppressing the surging emotions in my heart.
"What did you say?" Her voice suddenly raised. "I said, Chu Xi, as you wish, let's break up."
I took off the silver ring she had personally made for me, placed it on the table next to the seat, turned around, and walked out of the bar following the same path as before.
"Song Xu, stop right there!"
I didn't stop, my steps were a bit disordered, I bumped into the corner of a nearby table, and then my path was blocked by Chu Xi who was walking quickly towards me.
"Why do you keep bowing your head and refusing to look at me? Do you dare to look at me and say it again?"
"Song Xu, lift your head and look at me!"
Chu Xi's voice was tinged with a sob, and I was stunned.
I hesitated, still unable to bear seeing her cry.
She was impatient, her slightly cool palm holding my face, forcing me to lift my head.
I tried hard to see the person in front of me clearly.
I have never liked places like bars,
But right now, I can't help but think that under the colorful lights, Chu Xi must be unbelievably beautiful.
A beam of light from her eyes can refract countless colors.
But I can't see.
"Song Xu, your eyes..."
Her careful touch made me feel tingly.
"It's okay," I held her hand, wanting her to let go, but I didn't pull away. Large, hot tears fell onto the back of my hand.
"It was the time when we ran night mountain..."
Chu Xi hasn't looked at me so seriously for a long, long time, like she is doing now.
I nodded in her gaze.
"I'm sorry," she hugged me, "I'm sorry, Song Xu, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry..."
I raised my hand, but still let go, letting her cry in my arms. When her emotions calmed down a bit, I took a step back.
I reached out and touched her wet cheek, gently wiping away her tears.
"I don't blame you."
I forced a smile.
" Chu Xi, goodbye."
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