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Duanwu Festival, my girlfriend and I went back to my hometown. My family is a typical rural family, and when we gathered at home, it was inevitable that we would visit various relatives. At the dinner table, Aunt Wang asked about me with concern, always talking about her son who had settled in Shanghai. She said he had settled down, but in reality, he had only married into the local household and benefited from his in-laws' wealth. In recent years, he hadn't even come home for the New Year's Eve, completely becoming the son-in-law of the other family. I learned this from my mother. However, that woman was surprisingly proud, and her words were full of mockery. "I remember back then, among these few kids, you were the best at studying. But look at you now. Oh, well, they say wealth depends on fate. If you plan to go to Shanghai in the future, I will make sure my son gives you some help..." My father, an honest man, naturally frowned at Aunt Wang, while my mother could only smile awkwardly. The girl sitting next to me then served a piece of braised fish to my mother and said with a smile, "Auntie is really lucky. But Xiao Zou and I are also sincere. After working hard in Shenzhen for a few years, we are thinking of buying a house in a couple of years, so we can bring Uncle and Auntie to live with us. It's good for the family to take care of each other. If the elderly don't have filial children, wouldn't it be in vain for them to have worked hard for most of their lives?" As soon as she finished speaking, Aunt Wang's face immediately dimmed. After swallowing a mouthful of noodles, she forced a smile and said, "Yes, yes." My father finally smiled, and my mother nodded in satisfaction as she scooped some soup into the girl's bowl. This girl is my girlfriend of six years.
During this time, after I introduced her to my friends, the most common response I received was, "Zou, your girlfriend has such good values, she's really great."
Seven years ago, on the honor roll of the first year of high school, I was attracted by a photo right next to mine. A refreshing and clean ponytail, a pair of clear big eyes, she was smiling brightly, and my heart trembled. Inexperienced as I was, I only managed a few simple greetings on WeChat before losing my courage. I could even remember every post in her moments, every emoji and symbol. After two months of secret admiration, we ended up in the same class, which was undoubtedly a great blessing for me. Although I didn't like socializing at the time, as long as she was in any campus activity, my figure would definitely be there. After several activities and team building, maybe she also felt my favor towards her, maybe she also had a good impression of me. Many nights before falling asleep, I would think about this.
Until one day, I made up my mind to confess to her, only because of a post in her Moments, which said:
Rarely did I use any debating skills in the exam hall, because it all came from my thoughts. I remember a sentence: "A speck of dust from the times falling on an individual is like a mountain." The death toll numbers seem to console people compared to the number of cases. But there is a cruel identity in the world called the victim. They might have been planning a trip with their child, maybe getting ready for today because yesterday's dreams didn't come true... But for the deceased, there is no tomorrow. We are willing to use the "positive energy, optimism, and a sunny tomorrow" of language to make up for the lack of action. But life does not always follow the polished trajectory in philosophical books. Darkness will pass, dawn will come, yes, we are willing to believe. But in the meantime, for the relatives of the deceased, it is bitter. It may, at certain moments, shatter the strength that has been built up over time, so I hope that others will no longer make fun, no longer follow the crowd: "Starting with a cute bat?" Once the disaster has occurred, should the misfortune of the victims become our after-dinner conversation? We shouldn't, and don't deserve to. Even if we can't take care of the world, if we don't have the chips to be self-righteous, is it numbness? Or narrow-mindedness? This is not the perspective of a saint, but the instinctive respect for life, and it is a duty. Moreover, the deceased share a common identity, they are Chinese compatriots. So I hope to sincerely mourn the sorrow of the deceased, rather than let these become hot topics for articles, and hope that their loved ones can emerge from the gloom, rather than encounter the pain of unintentional or intentional stings, and uncover scars; I hope that sincerity is true, and language is charming, but often pale.
What kind of feeling is that?
The above passage was written by my girlfriend shortly after the outbreak of the epidemic. At that time, the number of confirmed cases of COVID-19 in Wuhan was increasing exponentially every day. At that time, there were jokes circulating on the internet such as "starting from a cute bat." I even used this phrase to make fun of it.
It's hard for me to describe the exact feeling I had when I read it at that time: it was like the guilt of lying to my mom about buying study materials when I actually wanted to buy snacks as a child; or like the feeling of being humbled in class after being arrogant about my abilities. But one thing is certain, at that moment, I was grateful that my affection was right, or perhaps, from that moment, I fell in love with her!
After my persistence and carefully created "accidental" encounters, we "naturally" came together. Later, like many campus romances, we faced the choice between attending the same university or being in a long-distance relationship.
That September, we bid farewell at the airport. In her hand was an acceptance letter from Fudan University, while I was set to enroll at Tianjin University three days later. I wrote her 56 letters, and when she opened the last one, it would be her birthday.
Once we entered university, as we had agreed, everything we did revolved around three keywords: studying, family, and each other. Before doing anything, we would consider whether it made sense in relation to these three keywords. Otherwise, we would not pay it any attention.
At first, I had concerns and discussed with her: I heard that social networking in college is also important, as well as guidance from mentors. I was worried that we might be out of touch with many resources. My girlfriend said something to me that I will never forget. She said: As long as we are outstanding enough, we are the resources ourselves, and all the flowers and applause will come to us. At that time, I didn't fully understand what she meant, but I knew she was always right. So, for four years in college, we followed the goals and future plans we set for ourselves and each other. We studied together in video conferences, and study software witnessed countless moments of our hard work. Spending weekends in the library was common, and when it closed, I would always video call her on my way back to the dorm. I never thought that this carefree little princess would study so hard, and even be too busy to answer my calls, but no matter how late it was, she would never forget to call back, and I would always wait.
She spoke to me in French about her joys, angers, and sorrows. Her final joy came from my puzzled and confused expression. At times, it takes a combination of Lagrange and Pareto to calm her down... Since high school, our friend has always said that she has "converged" in college and embarked on a carefree life. Only I know that this carefree little sun has given me all her passion. My bright side of life shines because of her, and the dim parts have entered the light. Fortunately, the time we spent together was joyful. We have surprised each other countless times, and in the same year, we both received national scholarships and completed a joint university innovation project. As she said, all the flowers and applause come for us in the end. In this world, throughout our lives, some people chase after the glory of a star, while others seek a peaceful and tranquil life. Regardless of the choice, we all hope to have someone by our side, crying and laughing with us as we look at the world. Luckily, I already have that person.
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