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墨書 Inktalez
The next day was Sunday, and I had dressed up early in the morning, waiting downstairs for the woman I had been secretly observing.
During the day, I didn’t dare use binoculars.
I waited for more than three hours, and around eleven in the morning, she arrived. To my dismay, she was arm in arm with another man—the same one who had been at her place that night.
I thought he must be her boyfriend, and it seemed he had visited her more than just that one night. The reason I hadn’t seen him again was likely due to the layout of the rooms; if he was in another room or if the curtains were drawn or the lights turned off, I wouldn’t be able to see him.
What could he be doing in a darkened room...
Perhaps it was my long-standing habit of engaging in activities in the dark that led me to such strange thoughts. I bit my lip in frustration, my eyes filled with unwillingness.
But I couldn’t accept it. Deep down, I knew my feelings for her were no less than anyone else’s! Even though I didn’t even know her name... I followed behind them.
They crossed the street and entered the bar located beneath my building. Although I passed by there almost every day, I had never stepped inside.
As soon as the bartender saw me, he naturally asked for my ID since I still looked quite young. Feeling a bit awkward, I fished out my ID from my pocket and handed it over.
Upon entering the dimly lit lobby with its dark purple lights, the bartender called out to me, asking what I wanted to drink.
The couple I was following settled into a corner booth while I took a seat on a stool in front of the bar.
"I'll have a Coke," I said.
The bartender smiled as he poured me a glass of iced Coke, his grin oddly suggestive—perhaps he was mocking me... There was nothing I could do; my tolerance for alcohol was very low.
"You seem like it's your first time here, right?" The young bartender struck up a conversation with me.
I ignored him and turned to look at the wall corner where the couple was chatting and laughing together.
I gulped down my drink, and before long, it was empty.
"They often come here, and I'm quite familiar with them. Would you like me to introduce you?" The bartender's voice came from behind me.
"Do you know them?" I turned around to ask.
"Yeah, the guy is named Tom, and the girl is Jenny."
"They seem like a couple."
"Yeah, you seem quite interested in them."
"I'm not interested in that guy at all."
"Come on, how old are you? Jenny could be your older sister!"
"Love knows no age limits. Haven't you heard of 'May-December relationships'?"
"Get out of here!" the bartender laughed, and just then a customer called for drinks, so he went back to his work.
I stole glances at Tom and Jenny while pretending to look elsewhere, nodding my head to the beat of the music, my fingers lightly tapping on the bar in rhythm.
They were more than ten meters away from me, and with the loud music playing, I couldn't hear what they were saying. I could only see Tom and Jenny whispering sweetly at times and laughing heartily at others, which felt oddly uncomfortable to watch.
However, nothing is absolute in this world; sometimes unexpected developments occur.
Suddenly, Jenny slapped the guy across the face, angrily pointing toward the door and demanding he leave. He walked away silently, leaving Jenny alone to drink her sorrows.
"This happens often," the bartender's voice came again. "You can't miss this opportunity, my friend!"
Well, he was right; this was indeed a golden opportunity. There's a saying that "a heartbroken woman is the loneliest," and while she might not be heartbroken per se, I believed Jenny must be feeling quite lonely at that moment. This was my chance!
But on the other hand, an invisible pressure washed over me. Did I really have the courage to express my feelings to a girl I didn't even know?
It was indeed very abrupt; would she accept me? Or would she mock me to vent her frustration? I couldn't bear the thought. Even though I had become an adult, my heart still felt so fragile! Boys are incredibly vulnerable.
In the end, I couldn't muster the courage. I just stood there, clenching my fists tightly and then slowly relaxing them.
Every night, I continued doing the same thing, and the initial guilt gradually faded away.
Perhaps that's how people are; once you take the first step, if there are no opposing voices—whether tangible or intangible—you naturally sink deeper and deeper.
Am I in such a situation?
I didn't know, nor did I want to know. As long as I could indulge in it, I was content!
Each night, I reveled in the thrill of peeping, lingering on the edge of right and wrong. If there were no opposing voices, I considered it acceptable and continued without hesitation; of course, I always locked my door.
My mother asked, "Why have you been keeping your door closed all day? You're acting all mysterious."
I replied impatiently, "Didn't I tell you? I'm busy studying and don't want to be disturbed!"
To be honest, it was a rather forced excuse. Was it believable that I suddenly became diligent when I usually crammed just days before exams?
Fortunately, my mother didn't press further; after all, I was an adult now!
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