"Where did you go? Liu Ying? Yes, I have to call you that! You've chosen a good name, I almost forgot!" Zhang Xiaobei said.
"Did you see it? I have all your favorite foods in my hands. I went to get some food for you!" I said.
"Thank you, but I don't need your concern right now. The more you are kind to me, the sadder I feel. You see, this is how my life is now. Maybe you still don't understand, and it's better that way!"
"Aren't you going to tell me about your current situation? Maybe I can help you!"
"No one can help me. You leaving me is helping me. You really shouldn't have come to find me. Just go!"
"I'm not leaving! I want to see you get better. Look at yourself now, like a walking corpse every day, and you've developed a drinking problem. How long can you keep going like this? Do you really think I know nothing about what's going on with you?"
He finally lifted his eyes and looked at me so seriously for the first time, wanting to say something, but then not saying anything.
"Xiao Bei, let's have a good heart-to-heart talk today. I know you have a lot on your mind. I am your wife, is there anything you can't tell me? If you say it, I can share the burden for you; if you say it, maybe you will feel much better in your heart; if you say it, maybe we can really find a solution to the problem! Don't suppress yourself so much, don't put pressure on yourself, I am here to save you!"
I looked at him with earnest eyes and spoke to him in a firm tone.
"No, Liu Ying, you can't save me! You shouldn't have come to find me, and you definitely shouldn't have come back again! How can you save me? Take me away from here? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life wandering with me? You won't, because you've already had enough of a wandering life!"
"You're wrong, Xiao Bei! You're wrong! After so many years apart, everyone has changed! Just like I don't understand you, you also don't understand me, or maybe I understand you, but you don't understand me! I'm willing to live a wandering life with you. I've always lived a wandering life, and I really enjoy it. I think it's a kind of enjoyment."
"You're crazy, what nonsense are you talking? You really aren't the same Betty from before, you're Liu Ying, yes, Liu Ying! Coming all this way just to live a wandering life with me. Let me tell you the truth, living a wandering life with me is not as good as the wandering life you had before! Leave, you'll only waste your time here. Leave before I change my mind, and it's better if you don't inquire about me anymore!"
"What did you do to her? You can't hurt her anymore! You should give her a way out!"
"I didn't do anything to her, she's fine. Didn't you prepare a lot of food for her? What did you learn from her? What did she tell you?"
"She's already gone mad, you shouldn't torment her anymore. What threat does she pose to you? You're not the same person you used to be!"
"Gone mad? Who knows if she's really gone mad or just pretending? I can't be ruined by a woman!"
"Go ahead, tell me everything you've done. Since I've chosen to come find you, I'm willing to face it with you!"
"Tell everything? Are you sure? If you tell everything, you won't be free anymore! I advise you to leave me in the end, the farther the better! Go!"
"I won't leave, I must rescue you from this pit of fire, don't you agree? Well, then I'll speak for you!"
"Stop! Stop it! Liu Ying, do you really think you're a savior? You think too highly of yourself! You haven't mistaken anything, everything you see before you is real! What you see is Zhang Xiaobei, a person who was picked up by others without parents, left his hometown and wife to climb the social ladder, spent five years living to please others, and was treated like a dog. And now, I have everything I want, but I have to pay with my life! Actually, I've thought about it for a long time. When I found out you came here to find me, I wanted to tell you everything, but what's the point! Liu Ying, you are the first woman I, Zhang Xiaobei, don't want to hide things from. I think you should have some idea about it."
"The old woman who lent money at high interest rates, she was killed by you! How could you do such a foolish thing! This wasn't your own idea, it must have been Shaw DeBang who told you to do it, right? You are a kind person, you can't fight against them, you must regret what you've done now, don't you?"
"Why can't I feel happy? I should be happy, but I can't. Actually, I won't have any problems, right? If I just leave this place and go to another country, they won't be able to catch me, and I'll be fine, won't I? Come with me, let's leave this place, okay?" He grabbed my hand, looking pleadingly at me.
Zhang Xiaobei has been controlled by the world, using desire, ambition, laziness, and ultimately the most foolish, scorned, and greedy ways to corrupt his heart. He is obsessed with property, assets, and money. These are not games or toys to him, but chains and burdens. The more he is obsessed with these, the deeper his sins will be. So much so that he later took shortcuts and chose the path of attaching himself to beauty to establish his foundation. Once he decided in his heart not to be a poor man anymore, he regarded money as supreme and began to increase his obsession. He wanted to be a winner in life, to live a prominent life like The Jan family, so he had to gamble on his life. His first bet was Taliesin, the only way to quickly accumulate wealth and show his superiority. This kind of life made his desires even more inflated, and he became more and more fond of this feeling, always wanting more, wanting more excitement, only this kind of feeling could make him happy. Finally, the inflated desire made him have murderous intentions...
"I have a way to save us, are you willing to listen to me?"
"What method?"
"Go to Surrender! Only by Surrendering will you have a chance at rebirth. Otherwise, you will never find peace for the rest of your life, and will continue to live in pain."
"Are you helping me or harming me? Why are you like Thalilith, making me Surrender? I can still come out after I go in! You women are all the same, all here to harm me!"
Suddenly, he seemed to change into a different person, stood up abruptly, and tied me up with a rope while I was unprepared.
"Zhang Xiaobei, what are you doing? Have you gone crazy? Let me go! When will you come to your senses? Wake up, wake up!"
"Liu Ying, do you know? Taliesin said the same thing to me as you did. This woman, she's dead, but she won't leave me alone! Do you know? She often appears in my dreams at night. No, she has supernatural powers. She can enter my body, often threatening me, often talking to me, making me live like a ghost. She even said that if I don't Surrender, she won't leave my body and will keep tormenting me! Has she also entered your body? Are you the rescuer she sent? I'm telling you, I won't be fooled by you!"
"Zhang Xiaobei, wake up, the people who sent you to Surrender all love you, we all love you, do you understand? I have kept the letter you wrote to me with me all this time because you are in my heart, and because I know we will meet again. Now I am here in front of you, but you are treating me this way. Do you think what you are doing is right?"
"Liu Ying, I have always woven a dream for the two of us, I have never told you about it, but today I will tell you! We have our own mansion, and every evening, we will be together in the garden of love and desire, chatting, speaking profound words, feeling both happy and sad, and occasionally tired. You asked me to tell you beautiful stories, and I did. No matter how many I told, you couldn't get enough. You smiled so sweetly, your lips so quietly beautiful, your steps so light, and your dance so graceful. You also teased me from time to time, making me linger in the fleeting joy. You gave birth to many children for me, all with yellow skin and black eyes, they are all so lovely! We have our own estate, with workers for harvesting. Our life is so sweet, so happy!"
I have always kept this dream in my heart. Whenever I have free time, I think of him. Whenever I think of him, I feel energized. It's a pity that I have disappointed you. Are you here today to ruin me? Are all the women I love going to ruin me? Then don't blame me for being ruthless to you all!
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