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墨書 Inktalez
In the first month of summer, the weather was beautiful that afternoon. The doctor told Feng Ning, "Your mother's condition is not good. You should prepare for things at home in the next couple of days."
Feng Ning remained silent, standing still, struggling to bear the weight of this news.
After the doctor left, tears began to fall unexpectedly, large and heavy. For a long time, she leaned against the wall and slowly crouched down. Afraid to cry out loud, she could only stifle all her sobs in her throat. When it became unbearable, she bit down hard on the back of her hand.
Eventually, she gasped for breath, opening her mouth wide and trying to breathe deeply.
In the bustling hospital, where different tragedies unfolded every day, no one paused for a crying little girl. She didn't know how long it had been when she hastily wiped away her tears. Supporting herself on her knees, she stood up and went to the nearby restroom. Turning on the faucet, she lowered her head and let the water wash away the traces of her tears.
Standing in front of the hospital room door, with her hand on the doorknob, Feng Ning froze for a moment. Taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling, she pushed open the door and entered.
Qilan lay on the hospital bed, already devoid of vitality. She couldn't say anything; she just looked at Feng Ning with cloudy eyes filled with lingering emotions.
"Mom, you can still hear me, right?" Feng Ning bent down and took Qilan's hand, placing it over her heart.
Qilan lightly blinked at her.
"Mom, I will always be obedient from now on. Don't worry about me; you know your daughter is the strongest and bravest. I will be okay, even if I'm alone. Are you still in pain?"
Feng Ning wanted to smile, but her tears were uncooperative.
Qilan shook her head slightly and struggled to lift her hand to wipe away her daughter's tears from the corners of her eyes. "As long as you're not in pain," Feng Ning sniffled, suppressing her sobs but still managed to smile. "If you're not in pain, then I can rest easy. No matter what happens, you'll always be by my side, right? If you're tired, just take a good sleep. When you wake up, will you make me my favorite dishes again?"
Listening to her ramble on, Qilan reached out to stroke Feng Ning's hair once more.
She offered a faint smile but closed her eyes a few seconds later.
*
Qilan passed away in early summer.
After Feng Ning cried alone until she was spent, she appeared before others with a calm demeanor. She showed no significant emotional fluctuations and spoke very little. The hospital issued a death certificate, and she called the funeral home.
Qilan had only her by her side, with no other relatives. Few people attended the funeral, just a few neighbors from Rain River Alley. After two days of mourning, following the cremation and burial, Feng Ning returned home, holding Qilan's black-and-white photograph.
Feng Ning cleaned the house from top to bottom, exhausted and drained of energy, before heading to take a shower. She pushed open the door to Qilan's former bedroom and climbed onto the bed.
It was just like when she was a child; when Qilan went out for her night shift, Feng Ning would put her mother's clothes over the pillow, inhaling the familiar scent and hugging it tightly to fall asleep. It felt as if her mother was always by her side.
She thought to herself that she would take a nap, wake up, and realize it had all been a nightmare.
She had been out having fun, but upon returning home, the yard was still noisy, filled with the clattering sounds of mahjong tiles. Big Yellow Dog was darting around the tree. Qilan impatiently called out to her from the card table, asking her to help the aunt in the kitchen.
Feng Ning closed her eyes as these scenes transformed into fragmented memories, flashing through her mind like a slideshow.
Inside her heart, she repeatedly told herself that her mother was gone, but it was okay. If she tried a little harder and lived well, everything would be fine.
Feng Ning thought she had accepted it, but when she woke up the next day, she found herself utterly alone.
No matter how much she called for her mother, there would be no response.
Feng Ning finally realized that in this long life of hers, every minute and every second meant she would never see her mother again.
Her mother was gone.
*
Feng Ning began to fear being home alone at night.
As darkness fell, she sat by the overpass, watching the cars weave below. A few empty beer bottles lay haphazardly beside her.
Her phone vibrated; it was a call from Jiang Wen. She glanced at it and quickly answered, "Hello? Jiang Wen."
"Yeah."
"What are you doing so late?"
"Why haven't you answered my calls these past few days?"
Jiang Wen didn't want to sound like a whiner, but when he expressed his grievances, a hint of hurt slipped through. "It takes you ages to reply to my messages."
"Just been a bit busy," Feng Ning said, gazing at the stars above, trying to soothe him. "You should focus on your studies at school. Why are you always thinking about me?"
"This Saturday, I'm coming to see you."
Feng Ning chuckled lightly. "Forget it, don't come."
He instantly felt unhappy. "Why not?"
She replied casually, "Young Master, look at the calendar. It's already April. How many days left? Just two months until the college entrance exam. You should concentrate on your studies and stop worrying about me. Otherwise, if you don't get into university, you'll blame me."
Jiang Wen seemed to chuckle on the other end of the line. "What's wrong with blaming you?"
"If you blame me, I just won't take responsibility," Feng Ning cut him off. "Alright, enough of this. You should go to sleep now."
He finally sensed something was off and suddenly asked, "Why does your voice sound hoarse?"
Feng Ning tilted her head back and took another sip of her drink. "It's nothing; I just choked on something."
"Are you out somewhere?"
"I'm at home," Feng Ning interrupted him impatiently. "Jiang Wen, why are you so chatty today? Stop nagging."
At that moment, a large truck honked loudly as it passed under the overpass. Jiang Wen paused for a moment. "You're lying to me."
Her smile faded slightly. "Yeah, I lied to you."
"What happened?"
Feng Ning fell silent, and there was no sound from her side either. After a while, Jiang Wen spoke up again, "Where are you? I'm coming to find you now."
In the distance, a figure sat on a stone bench, head bowed low, appearing as thin as a line.
Jiang Wen walked over, grabbing Feng Ning's arm and snatching her beer can away.
She turned her head, looking at him with a fixed smile. "How did you get out? No curfew?"
"Climbed over the wall."
"Impressive. You can still climb walls now."
Jiang Wen pulled her up. "You taught me."
Feng Ning's steps were a bit unsteady, swaying as she barely managed to stand firm. "Tsk, I should really reflect on why I didn't teach you something better back then."
Jiang Wen's gaze deepened. "Are you... okay?"
Having cried too much lately, her voice was completely hoarse, making it difficult to say even a few words. "Ah, I'm fine. Just feeling a bit down. I should be better by tomorrow."
After staring blankly for a while, Feng Ning muttered to herself, clenched her fists, and pounded her chest lightly as if puzzled. "It must be from drinking too much. Why does it hurt so much here? It comes in waves; it's so uncomfortable."
Tears fell without her noticing, and when she realized it, Feng Ning quickly turned away, using the back of her hand to cover her eyes.
Jiang Wen slightly pursed his lips and pulled her into his embrace, holding her tightly.
"My heart hurts so much," Feng Ning said, resting her forehead against Jiang Wen's neck and clutching the fabric around his waist.
A damp chill seeped from her shoulder.
Her tears soaked through his shirt.
Jiang Wen had never seen Feng Ning look so vulnerable and helpless before; he felt a bit at a loss, his heart heavy as if blocked. He tightened his grip around her arms. "What happened? Is it..."
He couldn't continue to ask.
Feng Ning's voice was low and trembling, "Jiang Wen, my mom is gone."
Jiang Wen's breath caught in his throat, and for a moment, he didn't know how to respond.
It was as if a switch had been flipped; once she started crying, she couldn't stop.
The helpless loneliness enveloped her completely. She thought she had prepared herself mentally enough, but why did it still hurt so much?
In the silent depths of the night, they embraced each other face to face, and she quietly cried in his arms.
Feng Ning said, "I will never see my mom again."
"It's okay, you have me. I'll be with you," Jiang Wen said, feeling an inexplicable sting in his nose. He placed his hand on the back of her head and rested his chin on her shoulder, trying to comfort her. "Wherever you go, I will follow you."
He was still just a child himself, not knowing how to comfort anyone. All he could do was awkwardly reach up to her face and wipe away the tears that kept flowing.
His hands became wet from her tears.
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