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墨書 Inktalez
“Where is Brother Gary? What does Brother Gary himself say?” After a long silence, Anna finally spoke.
“We talked to Gary before,” Jung Kook said. “Actually, Gary has felt that variety shows are not suitable for him for a long time. He has also mentioned wanting to focus on making music. Now, Kiseong Jeong from Leessang has also stepped down from Infinite Challenge for quite some time. Gary said he would follow any arrangements.”
Yoo Jae-suk let out a long sigh. “Running Man has been going on for almost eight years now. It has not been easy for everyone to come this far together. But as Minister Zhao Hyun-jin said, first and foremost, this is a show. A show needs a reason to exist and continue. When the reason for the show's existence is gone one day, it won't just be one member leaving; the show will become a thing of the past as well. Since we are in the entertainment industry, the essence of entertainment is to bring joy to people. If viewers no longer feel happy watching this show, then it should not continue to exist. An excellent variety show exists for the audience, not for our own wishes. Gary still has his beloved music; if he doesn’t mind, all we can do is try our best to make this show better gradually.”
Jae-seok did not try to retain him; perhaps he had already tried before. The matter of Gary 'getting off' may have been known to them much earlier, just as Brother Jae-seok and Jung Kook said—Gary has his own choices.
However, can the crisis that Running Man is facing now really be solved by changing members?
Anna did not know; perhaps everyone felt uncertain deep down. They once had extremely high popularity throughout Asia, but perhaps because they were once so brilliant, they now felt somewhat desolate.
For some reason, Anna had a bad premonition in her heart, a feeling she had never experienced before. The moment she heard about Gary's departure, she could imagine what the last episode of Running Man would look like in her mind.
Is this what they call running out of luck?
A successful show becomes unstable due to the departure of fixed members, and its stable structure collapses. If the departure of certain members leads to increased viewership due to the resulting buzz, then such actions are no different from killing the goose that lays the golden eggs—a fleeting moment of glory.
During Anna's absence, what exactly happened? She did not know and could not investigate; after all, she was just a small FD that few people would notice. For a long time, she had been trapped in her own sadness and anxiety, unable to extricate herself, until finally looking back at her original dreams only to find that those dreams had changed.
Anna felt an emptiness inside her. Over these three years, she went from feeling like she had everything at the beginning to now feeling like she had nothing at all. With vacant eyes, she inadvertently met Kwang-soo's gaze; his face was filled with concern. Anna forced a smile, lowered her head, and stopped speaking.
She did not listen to what was discussed after the meeting; it ended quickly and everyone dispersed.
Kwang-soo caught up with her and patted Anna on the shoulder. “Let’s go eat together.”
“Okay.” Anna nodded.
In a quiet little restaurant, there were not many diners due to the gloomy weather outside. Kwang-soo ordered a bottle of Soju and began pouring it for himself. Anna knew he must be feeling frustrated too. For Kwang-soo, Running Man must hold even more significance; after all, before coming to this show, he was just an obscure model with an unusual face and a supporting actor role. Now he had become a well-known star not only domestically but even across Asia. The transformation in mindset during this journey was something others could hardly comprehend.
"Drinking again, I won't drive you home later," Anna said, stuffing her mouth with rice and beef bone soup, feeling a bit warmer inside.
"If you don't drive me, I'll drink and drive, and that will be goodbye to Running Man," Kwang-soo joked.
"Stop joking. You just had a sip of alcohol and you're already talking nonsense," Anna replied. "I'm scared of you now, go ahead and drink, I'll make sure you get home safely."
"I noticed you were daydreaming during the meeting. What were you thinking about?"
"Nothing much, just feeling a bit uneasy."
"Is it because of Brother Gary?"
"Yes, but not entirely," Anna said. "Brother Kwang-soo, when did Brother Gary start thinking about leaving?"
"Why do you ask that?"
"Because from what Brother Jae-seok and Jung Kook said, it seems Brother Gary must have been considering leaving for a while now."
Kwang-soo thought for a moment. "Hmm... probably when he decided to be with Sister Jihyo."
Anna suddenly realized, "So it seems it has been a long time."
"He has his own thoughts, Brother Gary has his own stubbornness. During this ratings crisis, Director Zhao and Miao PD were still hesitating about whether to let Brother Gary go or Sister Jihyo or Brother Stone. Once Brother Gary found out, he took the initiative to talk to Brother Jae-seok about wanting to leave. So that's how it ended up."
Anna smiled helplessly. "I don't know why, but I feel like Running Man is really facing a tough time this time."
Kwang-soo smiled slightly. "Everyone understands in their hearts; it's just that no one wants to say it out loud. After all, we've invested so much emotion into this show. When we arrived at Mango Airport at four or five in the morning and reached Hong Kong, the cheers of hundreds and thousands of fans were truly unforgettable. We've given a lot, but actually Running Man has given us even more."
"What will we do if Running Man is gone?"
"What can we do? Life will go on as usual. We just look forward to seeing everyone again in the next show," Kwang-soo said with a smile, but then he seemed to feel something was off as he looked at Anna. "Anna, you've changed. You weren't like this before."
"What?" Anna said, slightly surprised.
"You used to never be this negative, always believing you could accomplish anything. Why have you become a bit pessimistic?"
Anna smiled bitterly, "Maybe it's because I've lost so much over the past two years. I finally returned to Running Man, thinking everything would get better, but I realized that Running Man has also started to fall apart. I haven't protected any of it, whether it was those who loved me or those I loved; they've all disappeared or are slowly fading away."
"How do you know? Maybe you still have a lot; you just haven't noticed it."
"Maybe..." Anna shrugged and fell silent. The rice cooled quickly, so she decided to put all of it into the beef bone soup and ate heartily.
In a corner of the small restaurant, a tiny television played entertainment news, the first story being about Gary's impending departure from Running Man.
"That was fast," Kwang-soo smirked.
The next story was about Park Chan-yeol's return to EXO. Anna glanced at the television, where Park Chan-yeol's somewhat gaunt face appeared. She paused for a moment before turning back to continue eating. Kwang-soo observed Anna's reaction but remained silent.
After dropping Lee Kwang-soo off at his building, Anna got out of the car.
"Where are you going this afternoon? If you want, I can dedicate my precious time to take you out," Kwang-soo said with a smile.
Anna shot him a glance and replied, "No thanks, just get some good sleep at home. If you take me out, I still have to drive; I don't want to be a free chauffeur."
"You're so stingy."
Anna chuckled and turned around, waving her hand. "I'm leaving."
"Where are you going?"
"I need to go somewhere."
She took the subway back home but didn't go inside. Instead, she drove the small car that Andy had bought for her to a place she felt she must see.
Groping through unclear memories, she wandered along the forest path, far away from the noise. After a while, a quiet courtyard appeared before her. The gate was half ajar, and there were no footprints on the snow-covered ground.
Pushing open the slightly ajar door, she found a vast space filled with silence.
The place was clean, with no blood or wounds. Everything seemed as if nothing had ever happened. On the stair landing hung a large, colorful photograph of a woman named Yura, who had left a significant mark on Anna's life despite never having shown her face.
Without her, Anna could never have imagined experiencing such a thrilling life. It was because of Yura's kindness over a decade ago that saved Hogga's life, leading to everything that followed.
When a person is engaged in something, they can never predict whether what comes next will be good or worse.
This was Hogga's home after returning to Korea; he resembled a cursed lone wolf living in an ancient castle—sad, pitiful, and cruel.
Anna lifted her foot; in the corner, something glimmered. Drawn to it, she walked over and slowly picked it up. It was an exceptionally cold bullet stained with blood.
Suddenly, footsteps echoed at the door. Startled, Anna turned around to find Park Chan-yeol standing before her.
Anna held the bullet tightly in her palm and stood up. Their eyes met as they stood quietly together. After a long moment, they shared a subtle smile of understanding.
"I didn't expect to find you here," he said.
"I didn't expect you to come here," she replied.
"Tomorrow I will return to EXO; tomorrow night is the celebration concert after our comeback."
"Tomorrow I will start working with the Running Man Production Team; it's my first day back."
"It feels like we've gone in such a big circle only to return to the starting point."
"In this big circle, we've lost many things and changed in many ways."
"Yes, we have all changed."
"How is Jiang Baoyan?"
"He injured his leg and needs some time to recover, but it's nothing serious."
"That's good to hear."
"And how are you?"
"I'm doing well."
"A few days ago, I visited Uncle and Aunt's graves, as well as Park Yoon-chun's grave. I told them everything that has happened over the years, hoping that my confession on behalf of my father would reach them."
"They will hear you..."
Park Chan-yeol raised the corner of his mouth as he stood in front of the stairs, looking at the large photograph. "When we were kids, Yunqian and I got into trouble and were punished by our father and uncle. Sometimes we were locked in a small dark room without food, and Sister Yura would secretly bring us meals. When we got hurt playing outside, she would apply ointment for us. Back then, I was young and thought she was beautiful and kind, so I really liked her. Yunqian was older and probably had some understanding of 'love' by then."
"Chan-yeol, do you believe in karma?"
"After everything we've been through, it seems like there must be some."
"Cat has buried Hogga in Germany. I think that counts as a good ending. Life was too cruel to him when he was alive; he hated his life too much and it was exhausting."
Park Chan-yeol remained silent for a long time. With his back to Anna, he quietly asked, "Anna, did you love him?"
After a moment of slight shock, Anna felt an unexpected sense of relief wash over her as she smiled lightly. "He died but left behind more questions. I still can't make sense of it all. I don't know how to come to terms with it."
"Anna, you've changed."
"We've all changed... Chan-yeol, your coming here today proves that it's hard for you to let go as well." Anna sat down on the sofa in the center of the living room, lost in thought. Her mind drifted to another parallel space where she experienced Hogga's loneliness in this colorless house. It was so bitter and hard to swallow.
"Do you know, Anna? That day, his gun was aimed at you while you closed your eyes. When I tried to run in front of you, I saw his finger slowly stop pulling the trigger. His expression was one of complete peace, even until death."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I think you should know. For some time now, it seems I've become the outsider among the three of us."
"Chan-yeol, after everything we've been through, I finally understand what Andy meant when he said that he and I are the same. We both share the same blood, greedy and ruthless, filthy and wretched. Although I can't make those I hate disappear forever like Andy and Hogga can, somehow, I've already become that kind of person." Anna looked at Chan-yeol. "You shouldn't be with someone like me anymore. From the very beginning, we were never from the same world. I tried my best to fly into your world, but that world is too high and too far, causing me to fall and get hurt all over, landing deeper into an abyss where even my shadow was taken away. I have nothing left. As a result, our worlds have grown further apart. You are not an outsider; you just haven't experienced what it's like to be in the abyss. And we happen to be trapped inside it, unable to escape."
"Hold my hand, and I'll take you out of the abyss. Isn't that good?"
Anna slightly raised the corners of her mouth as she looked at Park Chan-yeol. "Don't rush to make a decision. We both need to think carefully about whether I can still hold your hand and if you have the confidence to take me away from my current situation. Otherwise, if you let go halfway again, I will truly be shattered."
Park Chan-yeol furrowed his brow, rendered speechless.
He hesitated as well; yes, at this moment, he needed to think deeply too. Their decision could not afford to falter again.
"For such a long time, I didn't even know his real name." Anna was lost in a whirlpool of emotions—confusion, guilt, and sadness. She owed Hogga a debt that could never be repaid; Hogga had turned these debts into eternal burdens through death—unrecoverable and unrepayable.
"Do you remember when we were in Beijing and went to that street food stall? When we were young, he and I often went there to eat. I couldn't speak Chinese yet; he only knew a few simple phrases. We used gestures to order food. The Boss Lady was very nice; seeing us as foreign children, she never took advantage of us but instead gave us extra food. Back then, we often said that when we grew up, we would take over our father's business and work together. When I learned about their family's incident and his death, those thoughts vanished in an instant. When my father taught me some business matters—intentionally or not—I lost all interest. Over time, I became more rebellious and developed a passion for music—a profession my father deemed beneath him. The years we missed together cannot be made up for now. If only I had known sooner about the sins my father committed; perhaps the outcome would have been different."
"Mr. Park Anqing has already paid the price he should have paid. Those sins are ultimately unrelated to you. You don't need to feel this way."
"I truly cannot connect this appearance or my completely changed personality with the brother who used to play and get into trouble with me back then. But the more it is like this, the heavier this guilt becomes. What kind of pain can transform a person inside and out so drastically?"
Anna couldn't answer; she had tried countless times to imagine how a boy without a background could end up in such a situation after those years in Germany—young and disfigured. Even Jin Yu Cheng began to fear him. The hidden threat was something Anna dared not contemplate.
She walked up to the study door; it was slightly ajar. Opening it revealed that some confidential items had likely been destroyed by Cat, leaving behind some heavy books and a wooden box quietly placed in the center of the desk as if waiting for someone to open it.
"The years in Germany will inevitably remain a secret, but I want to know how he lived during these short three years here. There is no anger; even his clothing is so sparse—he never intended to stay here long-term but instead prepared himself for departure at any moment. He knows he no longer belongs here," Anna murmured softly as Park Chan-yeol followed behind her with a slight sigh.
Anna opened the wooden box to find a letter inside. The handwriting appeared weak and somewhat unstable—completely unexpected for Anna. She even doubted whether this was written by Hogga. In her impression, Hogga was still that powerful figure who could easily subdue enemies wielding weapons; a strong person's handwriting should not look like this.
"Anna, if you are reading this letter, it means I didn't have time to let you die by my hands. Do you hate me now or are you still as afraid of me as before? I am indeed a soulless monster; from the moment you first saw me and instinctively showed your guard and fear, I knew that monsters can only ever be monsters—there will be no change. Now, the monster has some final things to say to you: First, even if I'm gone, do not seek Zheng Andy again. Second, do not be curious about other matters concerning me; otherwise, I've instructed Cat to kill you."
The letter was short, devoid of any pretentiousness, yet it reinforced the wall around him, making it even more solid, solemn, and heavy, evoking a sense of awe and reverence. He wrapped himself in a hard shell, not wanting anyone to see any signs of weakness until that shell was on the verge of shattering.
"He doesn't want you to look for Andy because he fears for your safety... before he dies..." Park Chan-yeol smiled helplessly, feeling a deep sense of defeat wash over him. He had always thought he truly liked Anna Zheng, but now he realized that his feelings for Anna were so naive and fragile.
Tears fell from Anna, blurring the words on the paper. Until leaving this world, he had still calculated Anna's subsequent actions. Did he see Anna as a tool for revenge? Certainly, but along the way, the soulless monster had caused long-buried emotions to spiral out of control, and gradually, he found himself unable to grasp them. A monster with emotions was no longer a true monster; its aimless form could never return to the initial dark lair nor integrate into the bright human life. Nowhere could accommodate him...
Anna took a match from the corner of the table, struck it to ignite it, and slowly watched the letter burn to ashes. Had she fallen in love with Hogga? She still denied it.
At least until Hogga left this world, the answer remained firmly negative.
How could love possibly transfer so quickly from one person to another? She couldn't convince herself. Hogga's death was simply too profound for Anna. How could she soothe these engraved marks? It was an incredibly difficult task.
"Let's go," Anna said.
"Anna..."
Anna stepped forward and walked out the door. Park Chan-yeol took one last look at the place before turning to leave.
In his own way, he marked an end to this matter in both Anna's and Park Chan-yeol's hearts. Hogga was like a strong wine; upon entry, it unknowingly entwined its rich aroma around their hearts, lingering persistently. He stormed into Anna's life like a tempest but danced on the edges with an elusive presence, hovering just out of reach. Ultimately, his decisive departure left Anna aware that where he had passed through was now in disarray, wondering when she would again see vibrant life flourishing in that place.
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