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墨書 Inktalez
Anna sat in the corner until her legs began to feel numb, and only then did she think to check the time. It was already eight in the evening; she could finally leave. No farewells, no reluctance.
She slowly placed her few belongings into a cardboard box, holding it tightly as she stepped out of the SBS Building, moving like a failure, one step at a time, from a place that once held her aspirations.
Images flashed before her eyes: long, black hair, a pure white T-shirt, unadorned jeans, and slightly dirty sneakers. That girl always smiled, no matter how tired or troubled she was. The excitement of seeing her idol after so many years, the joy of cheering and celebrating. A small reward would lead her to buy some fish cakes from a street vendor, paired with Mentaiko Soup, warming her belly and filling her heart with satisfaction. During tough times, she stubbornly stayed put with everyone else, waiting for Yoo Jae-suk and the others to return, believing that as long as she held onto what was right in her heart, she would persevere.
Now, who was this sorrowful face? In truth, the face hadn’t changed; it still bore that clean and fresh look. It was just that after more than two years of hardship, she had cut her hair short and lost some of her innocence. When Lady Luck wasn’t by her side, she truly felt the helplessness of life.
She wondered when Kwang-soo and the others would learn about this news. Would they notice during next Monday's recording that Anna was no longer there?
Without work, what should she do tomorrow?
Every day when going to work, she always felt like she hadn’t slept enough. But now that she had free time, even without an alarm clock, her body naturally woke up at the usual hour without any lingering sleepiness.
However, her experiences with bad luck told Anna that misfortunes never come alone. They seemed to require company and would erupt together at a specific time.
From the second day Anna stopped working, the weather began to turn gloomy; winter had arrived. She wondered when the snow would come this year.
The snow didn’t arrive, nor did Park Chan-yeol. However, Jang Bo-Yeon unexpectedly showed up instead.
“Anna sister, can we talk?” Jang Bo-Yeon said.
What was there to talk about? Their conversations always revolved around one topic: Park Chan-yeol.
They didn’t go to a café because Anna didn’t feel like it. She also didn’t invite Jang Bo-Yeon over because she truly didn’t want to do that either.
In the car, on the streets of Seoul where the wind swayed and leaves fell.
"Here, take a look at this," Jang Bo-Yeon handed a document resembling a test report to Anna.
Sitting in the passenger seat, Anna took the report, which was about a pregnancy test, showing that Jang Bo-Yeon had been pregnant for 29 days.
"Is this why you left S.M?" Anna asked.
"That's right," Jang Bo-Yeon replied with a smile, gently touching her still barely noticeable belly. "I have to give birth to this child, so I must leave S.M."
If the heart could be tempered by repeated blows, then Anna's heart must be impervious by now. Yet, it still hurt, an unbearable pain.
"Whose is it?" Anna asked calmly, perhaps already having an inkling of the answer, just waiting for confirmation.
"In my life, I only want to have a child with one person."
Anna chuckled lightly and said, "Park Chan-yeol." Her hands began to tremble as she clenched her fists tightly.
"Of course it's him," Jang Bo-Yeon said with a smile.
"So that strange phone call before was from you, right?"
"I didn't mean to; I just happened to be sleeping next to Brother Canlie at that time and accidentally... Did you hear everything?" Jang Bo-Yeon said.
"Yeah, I heard it," Anna replied as she took her phone out of her pocket. She didn't want to easily give up on her relationship with Park Chan-yeol because of someone else's words. Even though Park Chan-yeol had been acting unusually during this time, she needed to hear it directly from him to believe it.
"What are you doing?" Jang Bo-Yeon asked.
"I'll ask Park Chan-yeol. If he says so, then I'll believe it," Anna said as she dialed Park Chan-yeol's number.
Jang Bo-Yeon did not stop her; she was full of confidence and waited eagerly for the drama to unfold.
The call connected, and Anna bit her lip, lowering her head before looking out the window. "Chan-yeol."
"Oh, Anna. I was just about to call you to tell you that I'm free tonight. We can go..." Park Chan-yeol sounded quite happy.
Anna interrupted him, saying, "Chan-yeol, you need to listen to me first."
Park Chan-yeol's initially excited voice was clearly taken aback by Anna's seriousness. "What's wrong? What is it?"
Anna took a deep breath, adjusting her emotions. She couldn't afford any emotional fluctuations right now; she just needed to get the truth from Park Chan-yeol.
"Chan-yeol, Jang Bo-Yeon is pregnant. Did you know?" Anna asked.
On the other end of the line, there was a terrifying silence, devoid of any life. This silence completely crushed any glimmer of hope Anna had.
Jang Bo-Yeon revealed a satisfied smile, taking out a mirror and happily arranging her hair.
"Is it because you've felt guilty that you haven't come to see me during this time?" Anna continued. "Chan-yeol, I won't be like before, listening to others and leaving impulsively. Now, I want to hear it from you. No matter what you say or what answer you give me, I will accept it and believe it."
Time passed slowly; seconds turned into minutes as Anna's heart sank deeper into despair.
"Anna..." Park Chan-yeol finally spoke up.
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry..." Park Chan-yeol gave his answer.
Anna cried, but quickly smiled again. You said 'I'm sorry,' and I believe you must feel very guilty to say that. However, it still acknowledged the reality of the situation. This reality truly made everything irreparable.
"Chan-yeol... what should I do..." Anna felt lost, like a young beast that had left its nest and was abandoned in the forest, surrounded by fierce enemies with sharp fangs and claws.
"I'm sorry, Anna. Anna, can you forgive me? Please, can you forgive me?" Park Chan-yeol also began to feel helpless; he had no other thoughts in his mind. This matter was like a shackle, weighing heavily on his shoulders for a long time. He had wanted to tell Anna so many times, but once he did, it would mean drawing a permanent line between them. He didn't dare take that risk; he felt guilty and regretful, which is why he had avoided Anna for so long. He never expected to be exposed in such a terrible way.
"Chan-yeol, I don't blame you... but..." Anna turned her head and looked at Jang Bo-Yeon's belly, saying, "But what about Jang Bo-Yeon? What about the child..."
"I don't know why it happened; it was all so confusing with her... I really don't understand how we ended up having a child. I was drunk; I truly didn't know what happened."
"So what should we do now, Park Chan-yeol? Teach me," Anna said, unsure if it was because she was holding her phone too tightly that her fingertips felt numb.
"Where are you? I'll come find you!"
"Okay, I'm at home. Come over; I think we need to talk properly," Anna replied.
"Alright."
After ending the call, Anna put her phone back in her pocket. She didn't look at Jang Bo-Yeon and still appeared emotionless.
"What are you planning to do? Have the baby?" Anna asked.
"Of course," Jang Bo-Yeon replied.
"Then I understand," Anna said as she reached for the car door to get out.
"Wait." Jang Bo-Yeon called out to Anna.
Anna stopped her movements.
Jang Bo-Yeon smiled and said, "You and Brother Canlie, haven't you two slept together yet? Would you like me to tell you about it?"
Anna scoffed coldly, glanced at Jang Bo-Yeon, and replied, "Jiang Baoyan, do you think having a child can bind someone who doesn't love you?"
Jang Bo-Yeon raised the corner of her mouth, but her smile faded. "Even if it can't bind him, once there is blood relation, it can never be severed. No matter the outcome, Park Chan-yeol's life will always have my presence, Jang Bo-Yeon."
"Is that fair to the child? When they realize they are just a pawn."
Jang Bo-Yeon seemed to be momentarily touched, but that fleeting emotion quickly vanished.
"That's a matter for the future. All I know is that I will use every means possible to be with Brother Canlie, to exist in his life," Jang Bo-Yeon said.
Anna suddenly felt these words were somewhat familiar. "Jiang Baoyan, I've heard similar words from another person before."
"Who?"
"Kim Mi-kyung... At that time, Kim Mi-kyung said the same thing to me."
"Don't compare me to that woman. I am not her, and I will not lose to you."
"It’s not that you can't be compared to her. Kim Mi-kyung loved deeply and yet was admirable. But you, you're just somewhat pitiful," Anna said.
"The ones who fail are the pitiful ones. I will not be a failure," Jang Bo-Yeon said proudly with a smile.
"Yeah, maybe. I'm leaving now," Anna said before getting out of the car.
Back home, Anna changed into comfortable slippers, hung her coat on the rack by the door, and walked to the table. Everything was as usual; the same familiar actions. It felt like there was a tight string in her mind, vibrating intensely. She didn't cry or make a fuss; nothing could make her feel more overwhelmed. Before that string snapped completely, she needed to resolve things. If she fell apart now, everything would spiral out of control.
It seemed that the hardest thing to obtain in life was 'foresight.'
If she had known she would feel this way today, she wouldn't have restarted at the airport; she could have just continued to refuse. If only she had known it would come to this.
How early should one know? Perhaps it should trace back to when she shouldn't have gone to the 24-hour convenience store in the morning for fish balls and instant noodles, or when she shouldn't have accepted Sister Jihyo's invitation to the gym where they met, or when she shouldn't have gone to S.M. Company to see Andy...
From the very beginning, this malicious game of roulette had never stopped. Now, the bullets left in this gun were dwindling, and she didn't know when everything would come crashing down.
"Anna." Park Chan-yeol gently pushed open Anna's slightly ajar door and walked in, closing the door behind him.
"Hey, do you have time today?" Anna asked with a smile as she poured him a glass of water and placed it on the coffee table.
Park Chan-yeol wanted to reach out and grab Anna's arm, but she gently pulled away, leaving him frozen in place.
"Sit down and have some warm water; it's really cold outside," Anna said.
Reluctantly, Park Chan-yeol sat down while Anna took a seat on the sofa beside him.
"Anna, I..."
"Jang Bo-Yeon told me everything," Anna interrupted him. "She said she wants to keep the baby. You should have told me earlier; I wouldn't have been lost in my thoughts all this time."
"Anna," Park Chan-yeol said. "I didn't know what was going on at that time. She said she was feeling down and wanted me to listen to her. I just had a few sips of sparkling wine; I didn't even know why... I was afraid to tell you because I thought you would leave me. I never expected that one time would lead to her being pregnant... I don't know what to do."
Anna smiled lightly as she held Park Chan-yeol's face, their eyes locking in a gaze filled with love. The intensity of the moment was heightened by the complex emotions swirling between them. Anna could sense his regret and panic; even their embrace trembled slightly. What should I do now, Chan-yeol? I am at a loss. I truly want to give you everything, but it’s no longer possible. Doing so would only bind you further, complicating things and leading to greater sins. Their breaths grew heated, and tears streamed down Anna's cheeks.
Feeling the bitter tears, Park Chan-yeol paused. He looked at Anna, whose face was wet with tears, and they shared each other's pain.
He wiped away Anna's tears, and this time, he too could not stop the flow of his own tears. His heart ached deeply.
"Why... why do we always end up like this?" Park Chan-yeol said helplessly.
Anna leaned on Park Chan-yeol's shoulder and replied, "Do you remember when I said that Jang Bo-Yeon's gaze towards you is different? Women's intuition is the most accurate. When they look at the ones they love, their eyes are always different."
"I'm sorry, Anna. I really didn't think... Can you forgive me? Can you not leave me?"
Anna smiled softly, "Chan-yeol, I love you." She continued, "From the first time you rescued me from the archive room, holding my dirty self in your arms, I fell in love with you then. Perhaps even earlier, when I woke up in the convenience store and saw you standing beside me... I just never imagined that someone who felt like a dream would hold me like this in reality and love me."
"It seems we have wasted so much time."
"I love you..." Anna said. "I have never been so reckless as to say such words... I love you... but Chan-yeol, Jang Bo-Yeon and her child need you to take responsibility."
"I know... I know... but what should we do... I don’t love her."
"Chan-yeol, do you know? My brother Andy and I were born after our mother left us. Our father hated her for a lifetime. Andy and I have always told ourselves that she is dead. Our father destroyed everything related to her, so much so that even now, I don’t know her name. All these years, how hard life has been and how much resentment I've held inside—only I truly understand. Chan-yeol, we cannot let that child live a life like mine; do you understand?"
Park Chan-yeol knew that Anna's words had already given voice to her heart's answer. No matter how reluctant or pained they felt, regardless of intentions, things had become this way. Love could never be a selfish product; it could not become a tragedy for an innocent life.
This child—his existence could never be erased. If they chose to selfishly stay together now, what awaited them would be an endless cycle of guilt.
In truth, Park Chan-yeol was also terrified of this feeling. During this time, whenever he closed his eyes and thought about how this child would grow up looking at him with resentment and cold indifference—it felt worse than death.
This time, they faced a reason to part ways. If they could not be willful and could not bear the guilt that the future days would bring, then letting go of each other became the only way out.
It was truly sad. After all the hardships, they had finally matured in their approach to love through such a long process, and now, because of this maturity, they had to choose to give up.
"Anna, do you hate me?" Park Chan-yeol's voice was low.
Anna shook her head. "No."
"But right now, I hate myself. I don't love Jang Bo-Yeon."
"I know, but living life cannot be solely for love."
"Whichever path I choose from now on, my life as Park Chan-yeol is destined to have a huge regret that cannot be compensated for."
"Over time, you will forget me. That way, the regret will slowly be filled."
Park Chan-yeol smiled helplessly and said, "Maybe."
"If we had never met in the first place, how wonderful that would be. Life might have been bland, but at least we wouldn't have to experience the pain of gaining and losing like this. Chan-yeol, do you regret meeting me?"
Park Chan-yeol thought for a moment and sighed lightly. "I regret it, but what I regret is that we wasted too much time misunderstanding each other and parting ways. If we had understood each other a bit more and matured a bit more back then, things probably wouldn't have ended up like this."
"I always wanted to travel with you to a country called Bhutan—somewhere without noise or chaos—just to spend a brief time that belonged solely to us. But it has never happened."
Park Chan-yeol helplessly raised the corners of his mouth. "Sometimes I think it would have been better if I had just listened to my dad from the beginning—not to become an artist and just focus on learning how to manage the company. That way, we wouldn't have had to be so cautious from the start until now. I could have happily held your hand and told everyone how happy we are."
"Who can say which part went wrong? If you weren't who you are now, maybe we wouldn't even have met. We could have just passed by each other without knowing."
"Yes, life is truly unpredictable."
Anna looked at Park Chan-yeol, trying hard to smile. "Chan-yeol, no matter what, you must become a good father and give Jang Bo-Yeon a proper title. They need you more than I do right now."
At this moment, it became clear that the silence between them was not due to a lack of words, but rather because the deepest feelings were buried deep within, unable to be expressed or shared.
"Anna, I'm sorry," Park Chan-yeol said.
Anna felt a pang in her heart. She wanted to say so much, to tell Park Chan-yeol that what could he possibly ask for forgiveness for? If faced with love and responsibility, he had the courage to choose responsibility; then he must be in even more pain, proving that loving him was never wrong. She was just enduring the pain of letting go, while he had to bear that pain and carry that responsibility for a lifetime.
When Park Chan-yeol left, it was already night. Neither of them said goodbye, as if there was an unspoken understanding between them.
"I'm leaving," Park Chan-yeol said.
"Go ahead," Anna waved her hand.
As the door closed, Anna's smile gradually faded, and her strength was slowly drained away. She suddenly collapsed onto the sofa, her expression numb and her mind blank. When she finally lifted her head and looked around again, realizing that Park Chan-yeol was truly gone, she could no longer hold back. Lying on the sofa, she lost herself and cried out in anguish. The heartbreaking cries echoed outside the door, reaching Park Chan-yeol, who stood silently for a long time without leaving. It turned into a tremor within him. A once strong man turned away, lifted his head as if wanting to enter through that door again, but his hand quickly rose and then paused in mid-air before finally falling slowly, clenched into a fist. His shoulders trembled slightly as silent tears fell to the ground beneath him...
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