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墨書 Inktalez
"Tell me, what is going on?" I glared at the old man and asked gloomily.
"Still can't remember?" the old man said calmly. "On April 4, 2015, you jumped off the school rooftop and died after unsuccessful attempts to save you. I brought you to the riverbank and listened to your story. The first night was Liu Junliang, the second night was Lin Ye, and the third night was Xu Zhou. They were all your fantasies. You wanted to see them repent to free yourself, but deep down, you knew they felt no guilt at all. So before they died, none of them said, 'I regret it.'"
"Xu Wenmo, do you hate them? As a soul, you have no power to take revenge on them. The harm they caused you has long vanished; no one remembers, no one cares. Do you hate them?"
My eyes were filled with blood, and everything in front of me was a sea of red.
"I hate! I hate! I want them dead!"
"Then don't suppress it; go ahead and hate. Hate deeply and profoundly. Perhaps your hatred will make them tremble in their dreams and beg for mercy from you..."
Before the old man could finish his sentence, Liu Ya appeared again out of nowhere. She tugged at my clothes and said loudly, "Xiao Mo, don't do this; you'll lose your soul. Let's let it go, okay? The past is the past; Mom will go down with you."
"Go down? Where to?" I asked in a daze.
"To hell. Suicide victims have nowhere to go but hell," the old man said.
"No, I don't want to go to hell! Why should they not be punished while I have to go to hell? I don't want to, I don't want to..."
"Mom will be with you; she will share all your suffering. There's nothing to fear about going to hell—be good..." Liu Ya continued pleading.
I sneered, my red eyes wide open. "Mom? How dare you use that word! If you didn't love me, then why give birth to me? Why drag me into this world to suffer? What were you planning?"
My childhood memories consist only of a house, an empty house, where I wandered alone, unable to find my way out. Suddenly, a kind-looking uncle appeared; he smiled at me and offered me ice cream and chocolate cake. But those treats were poisonous. After I ate them, his face twisted into a sinister expression. That year, for an entire year, I nearly drowned in the mire of life. Eventually, I began to understand that one cannot force the course of events. I maintained a cold facade, rejecting others' closeness, fearing that their smiles concealed sharp knives. If I let my guard down for even a moment, those knives would stab deeply into my body and soul.
Yet there was a girl who was so lively and spirited. The first time we met, she stuck her tongue out at me and winked. In that instant, it felt as if my life had gained a different hue.
I treated her well, trying every means to keep her in my life. However, she fell in love with my father; she cared only for him. To ensure they could be together forever, she ruthlessly tore open my scars, exposing them to the cruel world. The gazes of others felt like needles—thousands of them—piercing me painfully, making it unbearable to live.
So I died.
I encountered an old man who led me in a daze to the riverbank, where I saw Liu Junliang, Lin Ye, and my father. But they all had no regrets. What could I do? They had no regrets—
I screamed hoarsely as everything around me slowly turned white; my mind followed suit in a blank haze. After a long while, I found myself wearing an ankle-length dress, stepping on the muddy riverbank. The sound of oars cutting through water came through the thick fog. I looked toward the source of the sound and saw an old man rowing a boat slowly coming into view.
"Girl, want to take a boat ride? Five hundred bucks per person."
"I do, but I didn't bring cash. Can I pay online?"
The old man took out his phone. "Sure, why not!"
Epilogue.
The old man and Liu Ya stood on the riverbank, watching as an old man, a young girl, and a balding middle-aged man drifted slowly toward the center of the river. The old man sighed deeply.
"What’s the point of repeatedly reliving memories? Why must they exist? I really don’t understand you people; you either get consumed by me or suffer in hell—the folks down there won’t show any mercy."
"You won't understand the value of life," Liu Ya said as she gazed at the river's surface.
"Yes, I don't understand. The old man is neither alive nor dead. Even if the universe were to perish, he would just move to another place," the elder said lazily as he stretched. "And you, instead of treating her well while you're alive, what’s the point of following her into death? Is it just to watch her suffer time and again?"
"I will stay with her. As long as she doesn't resolve her mental block, I will guard her every day. When she is ready to descend into hell, I will accompany her. If one day she chooses to be consumed by you, don't hesitate; take me along too. I brought her into this world, so I should walk with her through the Underworld. It's just that I realized this too late."
"Yes, too late."
Every year on April 4th, the three of them in Zhaotong City always have the same dream, dreaming of the deceased Xu Wenmo dragging his broken body, stubbornly asking, "Do you regret it?"
What is there to regret? That person has passed away; shouldn't the living live well?
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