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墨書 Inktalez
Titanic I have watched this movie three times, the first time was in the second year of junior high school. The first time I watched it, I didn't find the classic scene of the male and female protagonists on the deck to be very shocking or moving. I was obsessed with the composed speech of the destitute male lead at the aristocratic dining table. It was the first time I watched such a long movie, and the first time I felt the charm of a movie, and most importantly, the first time I started to contemplate the meaning of life because of a person and a speech.
He said, "I like this wandering and uncertain life, waking up every morning to face the unknown, not knowing who I will meet or where I will go. Life is a gift from heaven, and I don't want to waste time. The will of heaven is unpredictable, and the world is full of uncertainties. I go with the flow, cherish life, and enjoy every day."
I started to take this statement as my life creed. Although it was only for a period of time, this statement supported me for a long time. I took the literal meaning of this statement as my standard for living, doing as I pleased. It seemed like a carefree life. At that time, I thought I was absolutely right. Even when my behavior clashed with the teacher's and I was called in for a talk, I still had an indifferent expression, treating the advice as if it were nothing. The teacher ultimately concluded with the phrase "playing the game of life." At the moment she asked me to leave, I was happy, thinking that my fearless attitude had won everything. Looking back now, it's really ridiculous. I don't think there's anything more shameful than walking out of the office with such a smug look.
I regard an unconstrained sea as the destination of my life, and I know I will drown there. After that, the teacher no longer restrains my behavior, and I no longer violate taboos in her classroom, as if it were an unspoken agreement between us, or one person's disappointment in the other. At the age of 23, I am no longer like this. Such an idealistic attitude towards life is still my creed, but I don't know when I started to set boundaries for myself, such as the rules of the place I am in, such as the thoughts I truly respect in my heart. I have become less indifferent to everything, and I have truly begun to approach freedom.
The word "freedom" consists of only horizontal and vertical strokes, yet its meaning suggests that our predecessors who created the character may have constantly reminded us that freedom is never without boundaries. As I ponder this point and write to this point, I pause and look back at the paths I have traveled and the things I have experienced. I realize that I have come so far, because we never stop, propelled forever forward by something called time. Even when you are bowing to smell a flower or lingering over a beautiful scene, time continues to push you forward.
When I was in junior high, I was still immersed in the joy that so-called freedom brought me. In the real world, I remained unknown, but in my spiritual world, I separated myself from everyone else. In my heart, I was unique, and this extreme self-confidence was a form of deep-seated insecurity. It was during that time that I made no progress, yet it is also because of that time that I am now able to progress. The growth of life is a closed loop, and some paths are not just under our feet. Perhaps at a certain stage, you may encounter a closed door, and the key to that door may have been picked up by you long ago, but at that time, you did not think the key was special or even useful. Life is about carrying all past experiences to the end, and all those big and small feelings are the driving force for our progress.
I think, having experienced temptation, undergone various trials, taken the wrong path, and felt lost and helpless, I am still bravely walking on the path of life that belongs to me, always walking freely. Writing this, I am reluctant to die.
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