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墨書 Inktalez
My life trajectory in junior high school changed because of a girl. It was one of the four girls who blocked me to add her on QQ, and she was my classmate. She was not outstanding, and I actually knew that she liked me. However, I was busy doing what was considered important at the time, and I wasn't interested in love affairs. Compared to my classmates who were flirting around, I preferred being alone.
I was sure that she liked me from what I heard from Su Qi. They were good friends, and one night, that girl sent me 99 messages on QQ, all saying "I love you." At that time, I felt helpless and didn't know how to refuse. Even now, at 23 years old, I still find it difficult to refuse others properly. Even if I know that accepting something will have a certain negative impact on me, I still find it hard to refuse.
But what's interesting is that in the end, I confessed to the girl named Xiao Ge Little Ge had shown interest in me several times. She would buy me milk tea and snacks, and when other girls talked to me, she would secretly show some disapproval. Later, when my birthday was approaching, someone said she was going to give me a pair of headphones that were very expensive at the time. I had been eyeing that model for a long time, but with my limited budget at the time, there was no way I could afford it. Later, my friends were instigating me every day, trying to get me to agree to Little Ge to make it fair. But I cared about my reputation, and even if I had to follow through with what was agreed, I wouldn't admit it verbally. One afternoon, as my friends and I were walking back to the classroom after lunch, they were still trying to persuade me, and Little Ge was there too. When she heard, she blushed and ran away.
Although I didn't say it out loud, I was actually a little moved. I don't know if it's because of the headphones I've been eyeing for a long time, or if I truly want to experience love from the bottom of my heart. When I got to the classroom, I asked my friend to call her to the back corner of the classroom. Before I could say anything, everyone in the classroom surrounded us. It was well known in the class that she liked me. I felt a bit nervous, hesitated for a few minutes, and then quietly said, "Do you want to be my girlfriend...?" Xiao Ge Without saying a word, she covered her face with her hands and ran back to her seat, lying down. The whole class suddenly became lively, everyone was cheering, and it didn't calm down until the homeroom teacher came. I felt a bit complicated. I couldn't understand her intentions, but what I knew for sure was that I didn't like her at the time. I might have just wanted to experience the feeling of love, regardless of who it was with, as long as it wasn't someone I couldn't stand. Of course, it's also possible that it was just because I liked those headphones, which I never actually got.
I was unsure about my relationship with her. After confessing, everything seemed the same for a few days. Later, Su Qi and Wang Siqi got together. One day after school, the four of us were walking around the school. We went into an empty teaching building, and the two of them kissed. Little Ge and I looked at each other. She seemed unsure, and I, as if possessed, hugged her and kissed her on the lips with my eyes closed. It was my first kiss, and it felt strange, soft, and warm. I even had a physical reaction unconsciously. I really liked that feeling.
I didn't understand if it was love, but after that, I truly treated her as my girlfriend. I cared about her, talked to her, went on dates, and did things that couples do.
Now I think, that naive feeling must be love, but this kind of love can only be experienced once in a lifetime.
There is no chance to start over from the beginning.
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