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墨書 Inktalez
The surgery was over, and I forced myself not to sleep. I was afraid that if I fell asleep, I wouldn't wake up again. I stared at the pain relief pump, trying hard to stay awake. Lu Ruijun kept trying to talk to me, not giving me a chance to feel drowsy. I felt like I had lost a daughter. I had fantasized about a future with Lu Ruijun, our child, to whom I would give all my love and a complete family. But now that was impossible.
I realized that my relationship with Lu Ruijun was unequal. I needed money—lots and lots of money. The intensive care unit and the caregivers were expenses I couldn't afford. I was powerless to resist and could only accept his money. My father's career was completely over, and he had been taken away. Our home was confiscated, and now I had nothing. I was my father's accomplice, destined to endure the torment of poverty.
My attitude towards him began to become submissive. I wanted his money, even though it filled me with humiliation. He called me, "Xu Yuezhu." I snapped out of my memories and responded softly. "Lu Ruijun, it hurts." His expression changed slightly as he called for the doctor. After the doctor examined me, he adjusted the concentration of the pain relief pump.
I looked at him and asked, "When can I get better?" He paused for a moment before answering, "Soon." "I want to go back to work." "I'll support you." I smiled lightly and said, "Okay."
On the day I was discharged from the hospital, Lu Ruijun personally cooked a feast. After tasting a bite, I praised him, "It's delicious." However, he frowned and said, "Xu Yuezhu, how could you like this kind of food?" How could I not like it? I looked at him without love, only indifference. "I'm sorry, I forgot that you don't like sweet things." He stood up to go back to the kitchen to cook again. I stopped him, saying, "No need; I've started to like it now."
"You never used to eat sweets."
"That was then; now, I like them."
He looked at me with a complex expression.
That was then; this is now.
I am no longer the Xu Yuezhu I used to be.
The former Xu Yuezhu loved him too much, so she was crazy, obsessive, and made a scene.
Now that I no longer love him, I don't care anymore.
Dinner was awkward yet subtle.
I had planned to discuss property division with him tonight, but he didn't come back.
I waited until two in the morning.
He finally returned, but he was supported by Zhang Yuan.
He was quite drunk, mumbling, "Jiang Yanzhou, I miss you..."
I remained indifferent.
"Zhang Yuan, please help him upstairs."
Zhang Yuan hesitated, "Sister Yuezhu, why don't you..."
I interrupted her, "I still have things to discuss with him later; just get him upstairs first."
"Okay."
Zhang Yuan helped him upstairs.
I waited alone downstairs.
Half an hour later, Zhang Yuan came back down.
"Sister Yuezhu, did you need something from me?"
"Nothing much; I just wanted to invite you for a cup of tea."
I stood up and leisurely brewed the tea.
Seeing this, Zhang Yuan's expression changed slightly.
I poured a cup for her.
"Saffron, give it a try."
Zhang Yuan's face turned pale as she did not take it.
I took a sip and swallowed slowly.
"I'm sorry, Sister Yuezhu; I'm pregnant and can't drink tea."
I raised an eyebrow, "How many months along?"
She was taken aback, seemingly not expecting my reaction.
"Over three months."
I calculated the timing; it must have been from that occasion.
Looking at her slightly rounded belly, I asked, "Can it be seen yet?"
She covered her small abdomen with a complex expression: "Not yet."
"Well, go ahead."
She took two steps and turned to look at me.
I smiled at her.
Her expression became more complicated.
I resigned from my job.
On the day I left, I was in a fairly good mood.
On the way to the airport, I saw a morning news alert.
"Shock! Two suspects in a serial murder case have been apprehended. They had raped and dismembered a young woman."
I clicked on the image, and although it was heavily pixelated, I recognized the face from when I was seventeen.
The news stated that the two suspects had been caught, and they were responsible for the rape and murder case from years ago.
They had stalked Jiang Yanzhou for several days; that day they intended to rob and assault her, but Jiang Yanzhou was strong and scratched one of their faces during the struggle.
They became enraged, accidentally killed her, then raped and dismembered her.
I turned off my phone and looked out the window.
The sunlight was blinding.
It turns out I had been killed once before.
It turns out I really died.
Lu Ruijun, you see, I am truly dead.
The Jiang Yanzhou you can't forget has long been dead.
Now, I am also dead.
Everything you loved, everything you hated, is dead.
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