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Not long after, He Bing and I got our marriage certificate. My friends envied me, saying that I had found someone I could entrust my life to. I was happy for myself as well. I never expected love to come so suddenly, nor did I expect He Bing to enter into this marriage with me!
In the passionate stage of our relationship, we were always arguing, from the head of the bed to the foot. What I didn't expect was that we would end up fighting so fiercely, and eventually divorced, which happened in my very unwilling emotions.
One day, on my way to work, I passed by Zhou Yu's hospital and unexpectedly saw her with He Bing, chatting and laughing together. I got really angry at that moment, but I held back my anger and just waited to settle the score with him when I got back in the evening!
As soon as he came back, I didn't give him a good look, and I didn't even cook dinner.
"Why aren't the lights on? I thought you weren't home! It was a bit busy at work today, and it really wore me out. What are we eating? Did you not cook?"
"Eat, eat, eat, that's all you think about! Go cook for yourself!"
"I said you left in a good mood, but now you've come back acting crazy! Let me tell you, I'm tired after a day's work, so don't give me any trouble! If you don't want to do it, then get dressed and let's go out to eat! Are you leaving or not?"
"I'm not going, I don't have the face to eat, don't you know it's embarrassing!"
"Are you going to eat or not?"
"Not going!"
With a loud bang, He Bing slammed the door and left! I lay on the window sill watching him go to a steamed bun shop downstairs, and only then did I feel relieved.
In my heart, I muttered that if he didn't give me any explanation, I would make a scene with him! I felt particularly insecure, especially in matters of love! My escalating tantrums eventually drove him away from me. However, he didn't understand that this was my way of loving him, just because I loved him too much!
"Why are you still lying down? Get up and eat, I brought some steamed buns for you!"
"I'm not eating, I'd rather starve to death!"
"I'm just saying, are you looking for trouble for no reason? Don't push your luck! Stop it already!"
"Who's being relentless? Look at what you've done! Shameless!"
"Who are you calling shameless? You don't want to eat, fine, I'm going to bed. I can't be bothered with you, what's wrong with you!" He Bing said as he lifted the covers and lay down on the bed.
Seeing that he had no intention of coaxing me or explaining anything to me, I became even more angry.
I sat up from the bed, put on my clothes, and got ready to leave. I didn't actually plan to leave, I just wanted to see if he would stop me and if he cared about me.
"What are you doing? I told you not to mess around. Look at the time!"
He Bing stood at the door, blocking my way.
I just wanted him to coax me, is it so hard for him to say something nice to me?
After several arguments, I still managed to sneak out when he wasn't paying attention. That night, I hid behind a tree downstairs. It was too late, and I didn't dare to walk on the dark road, so I secretly watched to see if He Bing was looking for me.
The next day, he came to Zhou Yu's dormitory to find me, and with Zhou Yu's persuasion, we made up. I knew he had nothing going on with Zhou Yu, but I was just so petty, afraid that he didn't care about me or love me.
After that, we made three rules for each other, the main point being that neither of us should easily get angry and should communicate well.
But I have always been a person who lacks love since childhood and lacks confidence in relationships. I have repeatedly pushed He Bing to the brink of collapse. I admit that I am very difficult in front of him, but I really love him. I can't control myself and have to do this. What's wrong with me!
Two days before the divorce, we went to Song Jianguo's place. Li Mei left for less than half a year, and he found another woman and got married quickly. I didn't want to associate with such a person, but he is He Bing's good friend, and I couldn't face him. Our families also started to interact. It was hard for me to get along with his wife, but unexpectedly, when we went to their house this time, they were moving things, saying they were getting a divorce, and the woman was taking what she should take and leaving!
This incident was the catalyst for a heated argument between He Bing and me that day. I know I was the one who started it, but I didn't expect it to cause him so much harm, leaving me with no way out at the same time.
Here's what happened:
I couldn't control myself at that time. I threw everything in the house that could be thrown, and the whole room was a mess. After the two of us argued until we were exhausted, I found it quite boring and went to sleep. He fell asleep, but I couldn't. I felt uneasy and felt that he didn't love me as much as before. So I did something stupid - I tied him up, just to force him to say, "I love you."
It backfired. Not only did I not hear "I love you," but it also ended up hurting him.
I didn't untie him and went to work.
He saved himself, broke through the window, and was seriously injured.
Afterwards, we divorced smoothly.
This is my love, my marriage. We also had a child between us, but I had a miscarriage unexpectedly and I didn't tell him.
I know I haven't let go of him. On the surface, I pretend to be indifferent, but deep down I feel very reluctant and very sad.
Zhou Yu told me that the outcome between He Bing and me today is entirely my doing.
Yes, I admit that a large part of the reason is my own fault, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have any problems at all. If we want to find the reasons, we can only attribute them to my original family. I lack a sense of security, always demanding too much from He Bing, not giving him personal space. This heavy love suffocated him, and he ultimately chose to escape.
The days apart are painful, but I have come to understand a lot and have changed a lot. To be honest, I have been waiting for He Bing to come find me, so we can start over and live a good life together.
Zhou Yu is getting married. She found a wealthy big boss and invited me and He Bing to her wedding. When we met again, we looked at each other as if we were still in love, with that hesitant look of wanting to say something but feeling too embarrassed to express it. In the eyes of others, we still looked like a couple.
"Did you see Meng Xue, Zhou Yu?"
"She was just here a moment ago, she drank too much, please hurry and find her!"
He Bing found me at the hotel entrance, I had drunk too much. I was happy that day, that's why I drank too much. He sent me back..."
I know our story is not over yet. I just want to love well once, and only love one person in my life.
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