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The Self-Saving System of a Scum Villain
墨書 Inktalez
The ambiguous atmosphere that night stirred up your brief love for me.
Master, you once saved me, and I am very grateful. I should have honored and respected you until old age.
But I don’t know what happened. When I saw you playing with those Fairy girls, I felt a surge of irritation. You accepted the pouches they gave you, but why did you throw away the one I gave you?
Or do you hate me?
I don’t understand, Master. Why won’t you accept me?
You saved me, yet it felt like saving a stray cat—just a momentary act of kindness.
Just like that parrot you brought back later; perhaps it wasn’t kindness but rather thoughtlessness.
It was extremely noisy, always greeting you from the wooden eaves of your window with a loud "Hello, Master."
And during that time, you would stroke its head with your hand from top to tail, and it looked so content.
But all of this should have been mine. Before it came along, Master, you used to hold me in your arms, reciting the Tao Te Ching to me over and over again, gently stroking my head time and time again. If it hadn’t been for that parrot, the only thing that would have mattered in your eyes would have been me.
I don’t know when these dark thoughts emerged; I just wanted to see more of my reflection in Master's eyes.
When I realized it, it had already died in my palm.
I never intended to kill it, yet it died.
Master, will you be angry? Will you ignore me? Will you hate me?
I lied to Master; it flew away. Someone as soft-hearted as Master must be sad. I didn’t want to make Master sad.
So I buried it in the place where it used to love staying the most, right in the soil beneath Master's window.
Everything is fine.
Who can't live without whom?
That annoying bird has died, and Master, you finally see me again in your eyes. Just being with me every day is enough. I will cook the dishes you like, make the clothes you prefer, and grow the flowers you adore. I don't even know when I filled the entire Moyu Pavilion with everything you love.
Seeing you happy makes me happy, and seeing you sad makes me sad.
Master, you may seem strange to others, but I know that Master is the best Master in the world.
Master, you don't know that when you first held me, I was thinking about where this fairy sister came from. She is so beautiful, much more so than those Courtesans in Flower Pavilion.
I felt a bit shy; it was the first time a woman held me. I wonder if my mother ever held me; probably not, since I was abandoned at birth.
But later, through others' words, I learned that you are actually a man.
I was a bit surprised; you are not from Flower Pavilion, so why do you dress like that?
I don't understand; really, I don't understand. Some people want to escape their attire, while others wear it every day.
When you saw me in a daze, you just held me tighter and rubbed my forehead with your hand, saying, "This child is quite cute, looking like a little pink dumpling."
Unlike others, when you said I looked good, my heart was filled with joy.
When you learned that I had no home to go to and offered to take me as your apprentice, I was extremely happy.
Being with you should bring me a lot of joy in the future!
After taking me as your apprentice, you dressed me in many beautiful clothes every day, but they were all women's clothing. Why women's clothing?
When I saw it for the first time, I threw it on the ground. But when I saw your hurt expression, I felt terrible. I didn't want to make you sad.
I picked up the clothes I once hated the most and put them on again, feeling a mix of emotions.
But when I encountered the joy in your eyes, it seemed I didn't dislike them as much anymore; after all, I still had something that could please you.
I gradually grew up, and it seemed you no longer loved to dress me up like before. You wandered outside every day, gone for years at a time. I didn't know what to do, just foolishly waiting for you until the flowers in the Moyu Pavilion bloomed.
The cherry blossoms bloomed, April fluttered by, and you did not return;
Peonies filled the hall, competing in beauty, and you did not return;
Osmanthus filled the sky with its fragrance, and you did not return;
In the cold winter months, the plum blossoms stood alone, and you did not return.
Year after year, I filled the entire Moyu Pavilion with flowers that Master loved the most, but Master!
Come back and take a look! They are all your favorites.
You finally returned, but brought back a man. Why?
Isn't having me enough?
Every day you discuss things with him without ever telling me; this has never happened before, and it makes me very sad, Master.
I am truly heartbroken, Master.
Master, you said we were the closest to each other.
I really dislike that person. Fortunately, he eventually left on his own; otherwise, after staying for so long, I would have had to find a way to drive him away.
I must also thank that person; I never knew there were such books in this world—it truly is chaotic.
Seeing that illustrated book, I managed to suppress my shyness and opened a chapter, carefully reading page by page. They were all men; how could it be like this?
In the illustrations, one man was pressing down on another, the one beneath glistening with sweat, his face flushed with embarrassment, fingers slightly curled, brows furrowed, and mouth slightly open, appearing both pained and pleased.
How strange; I really wanted to see Master like that. I had never seen anything like it before.
How could I think like this? It was truly outrageous!
I tried to suppress my thoughts, but every time I saw Master, I felt a deep sense of shame and didn't know how to look at him, so I simply averted my gaze.
Every day we soaked in the hot springs together, but ever since that day, I had planted thoughts that should not have existed, and each day became painful.
Master only thought I was unwell and advised me to take care of myself.
Fortunately, Master did not suspect anything and had not discovered that his disciple had developed inappropriate feelings.
After spending so much time with you, I learned that Master was actually a flower spirit who had cultivated into a deity over thousands of years. Every hundred years, he experienced a period of heat.
Upon realizing this, I felt a sinking desire in my heart.
Master sent me down the mountain for training. I didn't want to leave him and secretly returned, only to find that Moyu Pavilion had already sealed its gates. Worried something might happen, I broke in.
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