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墨書 Inktalez
"You mean I was the one who made the first move and provoked you!"
After hearing the boy's account and seeing his accusatory expression, I almost spat out the coffee I had just taken a sip of.
I still couldn't believe that I had actually crossed a building to chase after a boy in the Liberal Arts Class, and I didn't even have the courage to directly tell him I liked him. Every day, I pretended to accidentally run into him on the stairs, just to catch his attention.
"No way! Oh my goodness! Is this really me, such a cowardly person?"
I looked seriously at the boy in front of me. He was fair-skinned, with a high nose, big eyes, and an impressive height and voice.
"Um... it seems like he is indeed my type, but this is just too unbelievable!"
I recalled my past self; well, it seemed like I had never liked anyone. Throughout my entire school life, I had never been in a relationship. My close friends even joked about my sexual orientation being questionable. When I finally managed to like someone, I didn't even know if he was real or not.
Help! It must be fake; that memory is definitely false. How could I have lived so pathetically?
"Sister, sister,"
I looked at the hand that suddenly appeared in front of me, waving around, and immediately snapped back to reality.
"Uh, why are you calling me?"
"Sister, I've noticed that you've been zoning out lately, especially when I'm around."
Ji Xuanmo said with a suspicious look while placing a piece of cake in front of me.
"No, it's probably just because I'm not used to things after finishing Military Training."
Whenever I think of Military Training, I remember my flushed face. I had just come out, preparing to buy a repairing face mask. Under this blazing sun, even with sunscreen applied every day, it couldn't shield me from the heat.
My face still got sunburned.
I recall during high school Military Training when my skin peeled from sun exposure, and I didn't properly care for it afterward, resulting in a layer of acne. It was quite frustrating.
This time, I definitely don't want to go through my student days with a face full of acne.
Thinking about this made the cake in front of me lose its appeal. I took a couple of bites and decided to say goodbye to Xuanmo, preparing to head to the supermarket.
However, saying goodbye wasn't as easy as I thought.
Before I could finish my sentence, I saw the child's pitiful expression.
Great, I can't stand this kind of thing.
Walking along the campus path, watching the boys running on the playground and the classmates laughing and joking around me, there was laughter everywhere. I realized I hadn't felt this relaxed in a long time.
But looking at Xuanmo holding my hand beside me,
I still felt a bit anxious inside.
If I hadn't seen that memory of Xuanmo before, it might have been easier. However, after our conversation in the supermarket that day, I knew very well that they weren't the same person—at least not from the same time and space—just like how I was different from the original Xue Ying.
Even though we are essentially the same person, there are many similarities in our personalities and behaviors.
But it cannot be denied that the environment we live in is completely different. In that world, I have never felt as relaxed as I do now. Even though I often tell myself that I am happy, it cannot be denied that there is always a mountain pressing down on me from behind.
Even if I can temporarily ignore it, I can never truly make it disappear.
We are not the same person; Xuanmo in my memories is not the same as the current Xuanmo. He does not like who I am now; he should like that carefree, confident, and optimistic little girl Xue Ying who lived every day in happiness, rather than me, who survives in a world of blame and insults, constantly thinking about how to redeem myself, unable to even refute when others bully me, instead feeling that it is my fault, always picking at my own flaws—a girl full of negative energy.
He is not my salvation, and I am not his salvation.
Although I cannot explain why I helped a little boy in another world, the fact that time travel has occurred makes anything possible.
“ Xuanmo, let’s break up.”
I looked at the boy holding my hand. Although I felt reluctant, I still cruelly spoke up.
“Just like we said when we were kids, let me be your sister, okay?”
Feeling his grip on my hand stiffen and his footsteps pause slightly, although my heart felt a bit swollen, some things had to be said; otherwise, it would be unfair to anyone.
“I’m sorry, Xuanmo, but I don’t like you anymore.”
The boy beside me suddenly stopped in his tracks and looked at me with confusion.
“Sister, the wind was a bit strong just now; I didn’t hear clearly. Were you calling me?”
"By the way, sister, the movie you wanted to see is coming out tomorrow. I've already bought the tickets.
Shall we go watch it tomorrow?
Oh, and sister, do you remember that little cat we played with at the cat cafe last time? I went to see it again yesterday, and it's gotten so chubby now. Let's go visit it again sometime..."
Listening to the boy in front of me continuously talk about his past experiences, it's hard not to feel moved. But at the same time, there's a hint of envy because the person he speaks of isn't me. In my memories, there are no such moments; those are things I once longed for but could never have.
" Xuanmo!"
I interrupted him.
"Sister, did I make you unhappy? Tell me, and I'll change, okay?"
Feeling his hand trembling slightly on my shoulder, I suddenly realized how unreasonable I was being. He hadn't done anything wrong; it was my sudden arrival that interrupted their beautiful life. Perhaps I really am a sinner.
Maybe Dad was right; I am indeed a selfish person, selfishly occupying someone else's life and now hurting innocent people.
I couldn't face the boy's eyes in front of me, nor could I tell him the truth—that the girl he liked was gone. That would be too cruel for him.
So I chose to escape. I shook off his hand and ran away, telling him not to follow me.
I didn't know if he chased after me, but all I could do was keep running until I got back to my dorm. Ignoring my roommate's concerned gaze, I curled up alone in that small blanket again.
Like countless times in the memories of the past, whenever I felt wronged, I would secretly hide under the covers and cry.
I really feel so useless. Clearly, heaven has given me a chance to start over, with everything laid out before me, yet I cannot accept it.
Perhaps I am only suited to forever hide in my shell.
Then the next day, I put on a hypocritical mask again, pretending that everything is fine.
I smiled as I explained yesterday's events to my roommates, telling them that nothing was wrong.
As usual, I carried my backpack to class,
but when I saw the boy waiting for me at the door,
and heard him call out my name, "Yingying," I knew I could no longer wear my mask.
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