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墨書 Inktalez
She is Xu Jiaying!
The best Xu Jiaying in the world.
She would pester her boyfriend to buy concert tickets for us, only to sneak away the day before, mischievously saying that we were going without him.
She sprayed expensive perfume in each of our wardrobes, claiming she would marinate us all in scent as our room fragrance.
She eagerly followed us to learn the sandwich skincare method, but ended up with an allergic reaction that left her face swollen like a pig's head, while she drooled over the chili peppers in our bowls.
...
How did things end up like this?
For someone who doesn’t love me, for a fickle jerk, what have I done?
I collapsed onto the floor, realizing that I was alone in the dormitory. The fruit knife on the ground glimmered ominously as I inexplicably grasped it, slowly bringing it toward my neck...
Suddenly, a pair of hands pushed me gently. I dropped the knife and woke from my nightmare, tears streaming down my face.
Xu Jiaying stood before my bed in a white floral nightgown, her soft hair adorably sticking to her cheeks under the moonlight. She was pushing me gently while softly calling my name.
“Did you have a nightmare? It’s okay, it’s all fake, don’t be afraid.”
She reached out to touch my forehead but only felt the cold sweat on my skin.
“You're not burning up. Do you want some water?”
I nodded dazedly.
She turned to fetch her thermos and nonchalantly offered the straw to my lips. “It’s a bit cool; take small sips.”
After I finished drinking, she patted my arm reassuringly and said, “Go back to sleep.”
“Thank you…” I opened my mouth but couldn’t make a sound.
My tingling fingertips gradually warmed up under the moonlight; all three of my roommates were sleeping soundly. There was no blood on the floor, no fruit knife, and no Xu Jiaying that I had killed.
Everything was just a nightmare born from my anxiety.
I’ve always had this problem—having nightmares before exams about turning in blank papers, nightmares about losing money while managing class funds, nightmares about failing when waiting for admission letters...
I loathe anxiety and the nightmares it brings me, yet at this moment, I only feel relieved.
What happened just yesterday feels like it happened ages ago after such a long dream.
Just yesterday morning, while having breakfast with He Yang, I accidentally caught a glimpse of his purchase history as he was scrolling through his phone. The latest entry was a luxury necklace. The five-figure amount left me feeling both touched and surprised, but also a bit guilty, as that sum represented three months' worth of our living expenses.
I spent the entire morning contemplating whether I should say something to him. I wanted to express that I appreciated the gesture, but he should return the necklace. However, when I found He Yang at the library, I overheard his conversation with a roommate.
“You didn’t really like Su Yi, did you? You only started pursuing her because she shares a dorm with your goddess,” his roommate said. “Now that graduation is just around the corner and we’ll all be going our separate ways, when are you planning to break up with your girlfriend? Or are you just going to keep it going?”
“Girls are just girls, one or two of them, it’s all the same,” He Yang replied after a moment of silence, his tone indifferent.
“Anyway, since the one you really liked is already taken and you can’t pursue her, it doesn’t matter who’s around you now. If Su Yi doesn’t cause any trouble, it’s not impossible for things to continue.”
“Then why did you buy a necklace for the goddess? Aren’t you worried Su Yi will find out and confront you?”
“I just thought… it was appropriate.”
In that moment, I finally confirmed my insecurities about our relationship—the constant anxiety that had been creeping in. Indeed, my boyfriend, He Yang, treated me well, but he didn’t love me. The one he loved was my roommate, the campus goddess Xu Jiaying.
Looking back now, there were signs everywhere.
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