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墨書 Inktalez
As I returned, I saw the deceased sitting gloomily by a pile of rocks, gazing thoughtfully at the River Styx.
A silent stillness once again settled between us.
"...That guy just now was my friend." Suddenly, he unexpectedly broke the silence.
"Oh?" I looked at him curiously, not quite understanding why he brought it up.
"We've known each other since we were kids, living nearby." He spoke softly. "Xiao Long is a warm-hearted person who often cares for everyone he knows."
"Mm." I responded to show that I was listening.
"Even someone like me, he has always actively kept in touch with." He sighed softly. "But his concern only makes me feel extremely annoyed."
"...Why?"
"I don't know." His brows furrowed tightly, his tone filled with disdain. "It's been like this since I can remember. Those good intentions from others seem to me to be filled with malice and calculation..."
I didn't know how to respond and could only remain silent.
"His eager concern, in my view, is purely a result of his personality and habits, without any meaning." He scoffed. "And I'm not good at dealing with people, especially with someone like him who is so familiar and casual; it always puts me in an awkward position where I don't know how to respond. Whether I speak the truth or feign politeness, it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and uneasy."
So this is what it means to be someone who struggles to interact with others, I thought to myself.
"Whenever I encounter someone unexpectedly showing kindness or concern, I can't help but doubt their intentions, thinking they must be secretly probing for something or scheming behind my back..." He looked up at me with a complex expression. "Maybe you would say, 'Don't think so poorly of others' goodwill' or 'Don't overthink it,' but I can't help it; I just can't control myself from thinking that way..."
No, I won't say anything because I cannot interfere.
"Perhaps that's why, no matter how I respond, it only comes off as awkward and strange, even provoking others for no reason... That feeling of being out of sync with those around me, the sense of being hated by the entire world, makes me want to escape at all costs, to find a place to hide and not face anyone again."
I silently watched him curl up with his arms around his knees.
"...I thought you were just too concerned about how others see you, worried about messing things up and afraid of leaving a bad impression, which is why you habitually greet people with a smile to mask your true self."
To be honest, his compulsive caution made me feel exhausted just watching him.
"Because that's the only way I've learned to be accepted," he said with a bitter smile. "Aside from that, no matter how I respond, even if I don't react at all in the moment, I'll still attract inexplicable scolding and disdain, whether from friends or acquaintances, even from complete strangers."
He sighed. "I'm tired; I don't want to care anymore. So I've given up everything; whether the intentions of those approaching me are good or bad, I've discarded them all..."
"I see..." I didn't know what to say and could only respond blandly.
Suddenly, he chuckled.
"But did you hear? That guy Xiao Long just said he was glad to see me one last time?" He laughed softly, becoming more exaggerated as he continued, even wiping away the tears forming at the corners of his eyes. "Clearly he's dead; there's no need to pretend anymore, yet he still says that to me..."
After a moment, he lifted his head, took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled.
"How should I put it... Even if it's just a habit for him, I can't help but feel, for the first time, that perhaps his concern comes from the heart..."
"I never expected that it would take reaching such an irreversible point to suddenly realize that I seem to have missed so much..." he murmured.
"Indeed, this seems to be a common issue for many people. After all, those involved are often confused while bystanders see clearly. If one doesn't step out of their current position, it's difficult to perceive other aspects," I sighed softly. "Unfortunately, this is ultimately the Land of No Destiny; whether regretting or not, the severed connections are no longer related to you."
"Well, it doesn't matter." He smiled lightly and relaxed. "Because I want to start over completely, to sever all ties with everyone and everything I've encountered in this life, and no longer have any intersections."
Upon hearing this, I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow.
"...You mentioned earlier that you were waiting for someone."
"Yes," he nodded.
"So, is this the reason you haven't boarded the boat?" I couldn't help but ask.
He smiled faintly.
"You once said that here, all Circumstances are limited to this time and place; once separated, there will be no further intersections." He looked at me firmly. "So, I want to wait until I'm sure that everyone I know has left before I set off on my own."
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