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墨書 Inktalez
“Jing Jing, this money is from me and your brother. Just take it,” Second Brother said.
“Second Brother, I can’t accept it. You both have your own struggles,” I replied, holding the money they had given me.
He shoved the money into my hands and hurried away, leaving us feeling like distant relatives—awkward and unfamiliar.
When I got married, each of my brothers had given me two hundred yuan, as if that had severed our familial bond. For the next ten years, we became like strangers, exchanging polite nods when we met but remaining emotionally distant.
On the day I returned to my parents’ home, my husband and I took only a small bag with us. My presence in that house had been hastily erased; new tenants were waiting to move in, and it was best for me to leave quickly. In the days that followed, returning to my childhood home felt like stepping into a tourist attraction that required an admission fee, even though the scenery was far from pleasant.
When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I hesitated because my firstborn was only a little over a year old.
“Maybe we should terminate this pregnancy; it’s just not the right time. My husband is busy all day, and the in-laws won’t help with the kids,” I said.
“Since you’re already pregnant, you should carry it to term. I’ll help take care of you. When you’re in confinement, I’ll be there for you. The two kids will grow up together; it won’t be a problem,” my mother reassured me.
“Will my brother and sister-in-law agree?” I asked anxiously.
“What do they need to agree on? I can handle this,” Mother replied firmly.
“Alright then, Mom. You have to come when the time comes; I’ll pay you,” I said.
“If you don’t come to me, I’ll hire a nanny. Money spent on others is the same as spent on family; it’s better to invest in your own,” she said.
“The baby isn’t developing well; there’s a risk of miscarriage at any moment. It’s best if you stay in the hospital,” the doctor told me when I was seven months pregnant with my second child.
“Staying in the hospital just means getting IV fluids; it won’t change anything,” I replied.
Afterward, my husband hurriedly brought Mother over. Given our financial strain, we chose not to admit me to the hospital. Mother stayed for ten days; she washed vegetables while I cooked, she washed dishes while I cleaned. With the baby at home, I couldn’t go out, and Mother wouldn’t take the initiative to take the baby outside either. After meals, she would lie on the sofa playing on her phone.
“Jing Jing, tomorrow I'm going back home for a couple of days to get some things,” she said.
“Jing Jing, tomorrow I'm going to your Aunt's house for a couple of days; I'll be back soon,” she said again.
After her second departure, she never returned.
I dialed countless times to reach her but never got through.
“No one here helps their daughters during confinement; people rely on their sons for support. Your mother coming here isn’t something your sister-in-law wants,” my father said on the other end of the line as tears streamed down my face.
They did not know that when their daughter was in the delivery room, enduring excruciating pain, she couldn't even utter a single instinctive "Mom." They were also unaware of how heart-wrenching it was for me to watch other parents tenderly care for their daughters at the entrance of the delivery room.
It hurt so much. Why wasn't my mother there to help me? Why did my father say such callous things? Why had I never felt the love of a father or a mother? Why was it always me who had to bear everything?
"Jing Jing, can you send me some money for phone credit? I'll transfer it back to you on WeChat later."
This was the sixth message like this I had received this year. I had already sent money five times before. Of course, after I sent the credit, my mother would once again disappear without a trace.
A hundred was too much for my life; twenty was too little to be worth it. Fine, I would send fifty.
Hearing such a voice message made my heart feel like it was being pricked by needles, an overwhelming suffocating pain washing over me.
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