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Not Mother, But Mother
墨書 Inktalez
The night was long and lonely. Auntie lay on the hospital bed, her eyes slightly closed, her face serene. Every winter, Auntie's bronchitis would act up for no reason, sometimes leaving her sleepless through the night. The series of dry coughs created a draft that rattled the window paper, expanding and contracting like the faint breath of the night.
Auntie's throat emitted a rustling sound, reminiscent of a sick duck's moan, sending chills down my spine. Her wrinkled face bore countless lines and pits, each filled with kindness. Auntie had two sons and one daughter, and I was the daughter she had brought home. Among the four children, my status was the most unique.
The eldest brother was named Zhu Tianshan, with one son and two daughters. The second brother was Zhu Tianfeng, who had two daughters. The eldest sister, Zhu Tianhua, was already married. Because I was picked up by Auntie in the freezing cold, on a day when the Lamei flowers were blooming outside the courtyard wall, Auntie named me Zhu Lamei.
I had heard from Aunty Hu in the village that my grandfather had four sons, with my father being the youngest. My second uncle died in service during his time in the army, while my third uncle lost his life in a car accident. The deaths of my second and third uncles occurred shortly after Auntie married into the Zhu Family; some said Auntie was a disaster. Of course, these were words from those gossiping women who sought to stir trouble for the Zhu Family, as if they thought it wasn't chaotic enough already.
Aunty Hu mentioned that my father was over fifty when my mother finally gave birth to me. According to Auntie, my mother was very small and frail when she had me—skinny and dark-skinned, almost resembling a monkey—because she couldn't eat properly during her pregnancy and often caught colds.
When the midwife handed me to my father, he looked astonished, his face turning pale. After a brief moment of silence, he erupted at my mother in the room, saying, "You useless thing! You couldn't even have a proper child! What sins did you commit in your past life? You wretched woman..."
My mother didn't back down either; she retorted, "I think it's your Zhu Family that has incurred divine wrath! The second and third sons are gone—why didn't they take you too? Why come to harm me instead? Why must this retribution fall upon me? You call me a wretched woman; did I disgrace your mother or your father? You beast! You hurt others with your words—oh my goodness..."
Despite just giving birth, my mother began to cry and shout loudly, drawing villagers to see what was happening. When they saw me, some remarked that I surely wouldn't survive; I looked sickly and underdeveloped.
I was labeled a monster; despite their quarrels, my parents soon calmed down. "Let's give the child away; she looks like a burden. She probably won't live long anyway. Even if she does survive, marrying her off will be an issue—we can't keep her forever. We're not getting any younger; if we live long enough, we might have another ten or twenty years left. If our lives are short, having her around would only bring misfortune," my father said.
In truth, my mother felt similarly; this child could not be kept. But as she was flesh of her flesh, she couldn't bring herself to harm me. Sending me away offered some hope—whether I would survive depended on fate.
Reluctantly agreeing with my father's perspective, my mother sent me to Wang Nanfeng's home. Wang Nanfeng was over fifty years old and had served over ten years in prison for theft and rape before being introduced to a woman after his release.
The woman was in her thirties but seemed somewhat mentally unstable and incredibly dull. Wang Nanfeng didn't mind; he brought her home since at his age—with his past—other women would likely avoid him altogether.
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